@icecream-junkie sent me:
Yay, fanfic commentary! Great idea, though I had a hard time choosing a passage from Promotion. If I thought I’d get away with it, I’d just copy pasted the whole story. ;) Anyway, here goes:
“Would you believe I was defending your honor,” he tells her glibly.
“No,” she rolls her eyes, “And my honor doesn’t need you defending it.”
“Of course not,” he slurs with a false exaggeration, “Because you are the model of what a Starfleet officer should look like.”
“Gabriel,” she interjects, “Why did you come here?”
“I miss you,” he tells her and she knows he does, in his own way.
He reaches out and places one hand just below her chin, barely brushing her skin but she lifts it up towards him anyway.
“Are you sure it wasn’t because you want me to make you feel better, about the fight and about not getting that post?”
“I thought you couldn’t be my counselor,” he evades, “You know given our history.”
“And I’m not,” she reminds him softly, “I’m just reminding you I’m here to talk. That is a thing friends do you know.”
“And what if I don’t want to talk,” he replies suggestively, fingertips trailing down her throat. He’s always preferred to claim that is why he shows up like this, that it is sex he is seeking and not something beyond just that. “Nobody is better at cheering me up than you, Kat.”
That part, that part she thinks is true. He turns to her for comfort, even if it’s easier for him to swallow paired with sex. Not that the sex isn’t worthwhile on its own. It definitely is, which is probably part of why she can’t seem to be bothered to try and form any real attachment to something with more potential for stability and commitment. Though how many so called committed relationships between officers has she seen last this long… not many. She and Gabriel have never promised each other anything but that hasn’t stopped either of them from following through on being there.
“No one is less impressed with your bullshitting than me,” she replies but she is already well aware they will end up in bed together tonight.
“I seem to recall you being very impressed with some of the things I can do,” he continues unabashed.
“Gabriel,” she sighs, “Talk to me.”
“Fine. I was upset about not getting that first officer spot so I picked a fight for no good reason and when that didn’t work I came running to you to make me feel better. Does that make you happy?”
“That you are talking to me about it, yes. That you’re hurting and making bad rash decisions, no.”
“I don’t think coming here was a bad decision and I don’t think you really believe it was either.”
He’s right. She let him in and that’s because some part of her narcissistically thinks she’s good for him, that she can help him in ways no one else can.
One of the things I am finding I have to balance in writing them is that Kat is too smart and too knowledgeable on psychology not to recognize the dysfunctional elements of their relationship/dynamic, but at the same time she’s obviously still engaging in it. So this section features both of my ways of dealing with it. The first is when she draws a line by pushing him to talk to her and admit at least a little. She calls him out on his evasion, presses him to talk, because I wanted to show her making these little rules that she tells herself mean she has not lost control. The other is where she openly comments to herself about these red flags she keeps ignoring, like somehow noticing them changes doing them anyway. For example, at the end of this section where she admits her motivation and delusion about helping him to herself. It is my intent here that basically she tells himself if she can name it honestly it’s not out control, just so long as she doesn’t start romanticizing it to herself. That’s also why I have her constantly labeling things: Gabriel “evades”, he “falsely exaggerates”.
I also should probably note that I borrowed heavily from an “un-relationship” that I was (not) in throughout most of my college years and that I was recently reading back through old livejournal entries from that era and remembering what it was like. Specifically I borrowed his “joke” evasions and sexualizing things to avoid places he doesn’t want the conversation to go (which of course Gabriel does on the show when he puts his hand on her knee and changes gears from a serious conversation she’s trying to have to them hooking up), and also the paragraph where she thinks about how even though outwardly their relationship is a “friends with benefits”/”fuckbuddies” relationship with no strings attached it’s actually outlasted most “real” relationships, but especially the fact that they are the person the other can count on for comfort and emotional support. Because, ultimately, the reason that people really keep hooking up with that same person over and over whenever something else isn’t working out or “can’t resist the temptation” is never just about sex/physical attraction in my experience. There is some emotional need getting engaged with there, whether it is sating it or not. And I feel like this is clear to a certain extent in the show with these two. Kat knows Gabriel well enough to recognize he is having a hard time and she comes to help him through it, even in the end when she’s leaving to meet the Klingons she tells him they will figure out a solution together. She was angry and scared when he pulled that phaser on her and she recognizes that he needs more help than just their “friendship” but she is still there for him, whether he appreciates the way she is doing that or not.
As for Gabriel and where his head is at (in my mind) in this section: I think that the more uncomfortable he is the more exaggerated his bravado becomes. It’s a defense mechanism and also it is an attempt to control the scene a bit. So he starts out with the obviously false line about “defending her honor” a joke to deflect her question, but it escalates to something physical as she presses for answers "fingertips trailing down her throat” and then bragging “I seem to recall you being very impressed with some of the things I can do“. It doesn’t work (directly) because Kat knows exactly what he’s doing and he does have to admit weakness, but I feel like he knows that and he admits just enough to satisfy her enough to move on. At the same time, I think Kat is right that he is also coming to her to help him process the feelings he doesn’t want to admit he has about losing out on that post. It is precisely because she will push that he goes to her for support, even though its sort of inappropriate since he lashed out at her earlier.
It’s also inappropriate (on both sides) because he does sort of use her as his therapist and she admits she thinks “that she can help him in ways no one else can”. I say that right after the bit about her pushing; because, its relevant to Gabriel’s canonical ability and willingness to manipulate and fake interactions with counselors. I suspect that the people Starfleet has assigned to trauma/ptsd treatment/evaluation are the “nice” type. Soft, comforting, supportive types who are careful not to upset you further. There are people who need that, who are too raw for anything else. However, I have never done really meaningful for work them. I mean it’s nice for someone to listen to you for an hour, but honestly I have friends and family who will do that. My real growth has come from the type of therapist who calls you out on your bullshit. I feel like Kat is that person, as a counselor but also just as a person in the world. So Gabriel seeking her out (even though he would say it was to have sex) is really a cry for help here.
(If there are any specific questions you have or thing I didn’t mention that you wondered about , feel free to let me know so I can address them directly.)
Also I’m still accepting these, so everyone feel free to send me sections of my own fic to discuss.
