I love Ortega too much ok
You are dying.
You are dying and you know it.
It wouldn't matter to you, shouldn't matter to you - you were always glad to embrace death's arms, had always known how disposable you were - except Ortega is here and it matters to him.
"H-hey," you whisper, throat dry. "Don't cry."
"Of course I'm crying," he sobs. "Look at you!"
The world is growing cold and blurry and you'd lift up your head to look except it feels so heavy. Everything smells like iron, tastes like iron when he takes his lips in his and he kisses you with such desperation you wonder if he's trying to give you the kiss of life.
So selfish. You shouldn't have fallen in love with him, shouldn't have reopened old, scarred over wounds and given him hope. This is all his worst fears and nightmares come true and it's all your fault.
He gave you his heart; so precious, so warm, so alive. A second chance despite the hurt, an old, shaky dance of better days and better memories and younger, more naïve people. Less cynical. Less burdened with old memories and old pains and that wary love that comes from being loved and being hurt.
And what did you do?
You've given him heartbreak all over again.
There's no getting back up from having this many bones shattered in your body - you're not as young and fit as you used to be, there will be no bouncing back up from this. You know this.
Ortega knows this too.
"I'm sorry." you say. The words aren't enough, you'll never have enough words to encapsulate the full breadth of what you want to say to Ortega. A lifetime's worth of unspoken regrets, fears, joys and love.
Now they'll never be said. You would never have enough time because you are greedy, so greedy and selfish that you wanted to have a whole lifetime spent at his side. You wasted so much time, the both of you, dancing around what you really wanted and thinking this would always be here and now…
Now there's only time for regrets.
"No, no, no, no," he begs, because his heart refuses to accept what his mind already knows. "Please, you can't, you can't leave me-" Not again. He chokes up, unable to continue.
You don't need to be able to read his mind to hear the things he doesn't say.
Gently, softly, you stroke his cheek, still wet and trembling. Tell him: "It's okay, Ricardo." and mean it, because you love him and all you've ever done was hurt the people you love and he deserves better. You never deserved him - but he chose you for some strange, inexplicable reason.
You're selfish enough to be happy about it.
"Forget me." You tell him, as the world grows dark, because he needs to leave this broken shell that is you behind. "Be happy."
"D-didn't I already try and fail at that?" He's half sobbing, half laughing through his tears. Because he just doesn't know what else to do. "I wasn't happy. I could never forget you. And I... I could never stop loving you."
You're dying and it hurts, it hurts so bad. So why can't you can't stop smiling?
"Hey- please, no, don't go to sleep, please, please!"
So, so tired. You don't ever remember not being tired deep down in your soul anymore. Haven't you earnt your rest?
"Please- just a little longer, the paramedics are here-"
Sometimes, there's just not enough time. You wasted so much of yours. Your only regret is not stealing back every second you wasted and spending it all on Ortega.
"Goodbye." you whisper, struggling to get the words out, your tongue half numb and clumsy. Your last breath will not be wasted.
"Don't- don't leave me!"
You were never supposed to stay. Never supposed to live, have a life. You were always living on borrowed time and it looks like everything finally caught up to you.
"I love you." you tell him, and break his heart one last time.