#fidzpoems

[ddarwen]

Not Enough

Am I not enough —

For you to stay to witness my becoming?

Or was I only enough

To watch from a safe distance,

To pat me on the head

Before disappearing.

Am I not enough —

For you to reach for me first,

Instead of waiting in the shadows,

Thrilled only when I chased you,

When my longing fed your pride.

Am I not enough —

When you made promises

That sounded like a future,

Encouraged me to study,

Lifted me with one hand

And struck me with the other.

Am I not enough —

When I stood beside you,

The quiet, understanding wife,

Carrying storms in silence

So you could pretend

Our world was calm.

Am I not enough —

When I bore every burden

While you spent your time elsewhere —

Even with the servant,

As if loyalty meant nothing

And devotion was disposable.

You once ask me

What part of me wasn’t enough.

But the truth is simple:

If I had ever been enough,

You wouldn’t have left me

Standing alone in the wreckage

Of everything I gave.

- Fidz

1 June 2026, 4am

[ddarwen]

Wanting you

I walked pass the place that we first met

And a rush of memories washed over me

Evading every pore of my being

Bringing me to that exact moment.

The tight bear hug when we embraced that first time

The smell of your cologne lingered on me

As you went to get drinks

I knew then that I wanted you

Listening to you speak

About what’s dear to you

And showing me all the pics

As you reached out your hand

When we were leaving

Though it was our first then

It was so natural for me to reach and have my hands in yours, feeling the calloused hands for the first time that actually brought warmth to my core

Comfort by your presence

I knew I wanted you

When you asked if you could kiss me

I knew I wanted you more when our lips met

Too fast it may be

But you’ve got me

Got me wanting

Hopefully, to be your forevermore

[ddarwen]

Alone

Nobody understands the feelings of being alone. Not the simple ache of loneliness -- that craving for company, that brief distraction of laughter that fades the moment the door closes.

It isn't the thrill of freedom, the ability to move without permission, to make choices without explaining yourself. It isn't independence, or the performance of strength people applaud from the outside.

It isn't even about being surrounded by people who care, people who lift you when you fall -- because their lives keep moving, their priorities shift, and none of it includes you at the center. Alone is something else. It's the moment you realize you're the last one standing, that the ones who mattered most have already walked ahead and left you behind.

Alone is fending off life with no one waiting for you, no one choosing you, no one staying long enough to see you through the storm.

Alone is not a feeling. It's a fact. A truth you carry quietly as you wait for your time to finally come.

Alone Fidz (9 June 2026)

[ddarwen]

The Man You Chose to Be

You’re no different from the ones who borrow,

Swear they’ll pay it back,

Then vanish the moment responsibility knocks.

You’re no different from the ones who talk big,

Make promises with a straight face,

And then crumble the second those promises require effort.

You’re not different from the men who preach discipline,

Who point out everyone else’s flaws,

Who demand change from others

While refusing to confront the rot in their own reflection.

The broken promises.

The sweet words with hollow centers

The inconsistency you dress up as “trying”.

Is this what you call being a man?

The running away.

The cold shoulder.

The silent treatment you use like a weapon.

Is this what you think leadership looks like?

You are no different from the rest of us —

But your arrogance insists you’re above us.

Your ego whispers that you’re exceptional,

When all you’ve proven

Is that you’re exceptionally good

At disappearing when it matters most.

- Fidz

20 May 2026

[ddarwen]

The Promise that Ached

Love What is love? A spark you threw into my hands -- knowing it would scorch me long before it ever warmed me. Love What is love? A wildfire disguised as a whisper, a blaze that devours everything while you stand there watching, pretending you don't smell the smoke. Love What is love? A future I carved out of my own bones, while you sharpened your silence into something that could cut. You didn't just burn the dream -- you salted the ashes. Love What is love? A battlefield littered with your half-truths, your cowardice, your pretty little deceptions. How do you tear someone open and call it affection? How do you walk away clean while I'm left clawing through the ruins? How do you break a soul and still sleep at night? Fidz (23 May 2026)

[ddarwen]

Longing

As I sit upon the porch,

Facing the open sea,

The waves rise and fall against the shore,

And the sun drifts slowly toward the horizon.

A face drifts into my thoughts —

One I still long for,

One I wish were beside me now,

Sharing this quiet moment as we once did.

Lost in the tide of memory,

I search for where things shifted.

Was there someone else?

Or did your heart simply grow tired of mine?

So I sit here, thinking,

Unsure whether to hold on

Or gently step back

Even though you still carry my heart.

Again I sit on this porch,

Before the vast, breathing sea,

Watching the waves break and scatter

As the evening light softens.

Another face rises in my mind —

A face I miss so deeply

It sends an ache through my chest

And brings tears to my eyes.

I wish you were here

To share these moment with me

The way we once did,

Years ago, when everything felt simple.

Yet somewhere deep within,

I know you are here —

Not in body, but in spirit,

Your memory woven gently into the present.

- Fidz

(7 May 2026)

[ddarwen]

A Different Kind of Love

Life is too short to leave this unsaid, so I'll speak it plainly -- I loved you from the moment we met.

There were seasons when that love went quiet, buried under anger, softened by sadness, thinned by the ache of feeling left behind. But you returned, and in knowing you again -- not as a spark, but as a whole person -- my love found its way back too.

Not the breathless rush of the first time, not the dizzy, giddy kind of falling -- but something steadier, truer, grown from everything we've lived through.

A different kind of love, but no less real. - Fidz 26 Jan 2026 Monday

[ddarwen]

Heart has chosen

The heart has chosen you

It aches for you when you are not near

How can it be told

That it has to bear this distance from you.

Do you not know

How the heart has chosen you?

How it yearns for you?

How it screams out your name in this silence, this distance?

The heart has met others

Compared you to others

But yet, even knowing it can’t have you

It still chooses you.

In this silence

The heart beats your name

Knowing that no other

Would make it feel the same.

- Fidz

The heart has chosen you —

It aches when you’re not near.

How can it be made to bear

A love that can’t draw near?

Do you not feel it call your name,

Across this endless space?

It yearns for you in silence,

In every breath, your face.

The heart has met the world,

Compared, yet turned away —

For though it knows it can’t have you,

It still chooses you each day.

And in the hush of distance,

It beats your name alone,

For no one else could stir its pulse

The way you have known.

- Fidz