#fie rants

[foreverisntenough]

from fie with love 🤍

i usually don't speak too much about my personal life on here. I’ve always kept it pretty separate from here, and being anonymous makes it easier to keep things at a distance.

but disappearing the way I have without saying anything… hasn't sat right with me.

so, the truth of the matter... I haven’t been okay for a while. around the same time I mentioned work picking up, things were also getting heavier behind the scenes in ways I didn’t really know how to explain. I tried to push through it, to keep things normal here, but it caught up to me.

more recently, I ended up in hospital for a bit. it pulled me out of everything. I didn’t have it in me to be online, to respond, to write… even though I thought about it a lot.

and I know what that probably looked like from the outside. silence. inconsistency. another blog that stopped showing up.

I of course have long seen the shift, people drifting, engagement slowing down, and I don’t blame anyone for losing interest in 'Simmer' because of that. it's probably the part that hurts the most, but I understand it.

I just feel really sorry for have gone so quiet, especially after genuine attempts of announcements I would be on more.

This space, our space, means more to me than i can never fully articulate, and not being able to show up for it… or for you… has been weighing on me.

I’m starting to come back to myself a little, slowly. I will get to messages. and if anyone is still here, still interested, I do want to keep writing Simmer.

If not, I understand.

But I am sorry.

FIE xx

[atiny-piratequeen]

They scheduled me for a fucking 7 and a half hour shift the day after Thanksgiving, and hour and a half earlier than i usually come in, and there's nOTHING TO DO

[foreverisntenough]

🤍

Honestly… i wish i was surprised but a part of me isn’t at all.

I came back today, after a week away, hoping that i could just return to sharing my fiction quietly. Within four hours, my inbox was filled back up with hate and false accusations and targeted assumptions meant to sting. 

I don’t think people understand how much that hurts.

FIE has been a part of my life for two years. I have spent hours, days, weeks, months of my life on here creating and sharing worlds i truly loved. I have written when i’ve been tired, when i’ve have been sick, when i have been going through things no one here knows about. Please, i'm begging for you to realize i’m a human being. 

I care about this, i care about the people who read. 

But once again, and again and again, my effort is reduced to assumptions, to doubts, to narratives about who i am that are not correct. It’s so painful to pour myself into something and then have people hide behind anonymous messages diminishing me to something so small. 

I understand this is “just a blog” and that’s true but it’s also a culmination of an immense amount of time, care, creativity, and energy. 

I’m so overwhelmed and hurt. I never thought i’d be one to cry over the internet, and i also realize that might seem dramatic to some but this is just starting to hurt too much. like please, if this blog isn't for you, if you don't like me, don't like the way i write, don't believe in it, you don't have to be here.

I try so hard to listen, to ignore the negativity, to try to give people what they want. I push myself for no reward other than hoping at least one person can enjoy some fiction. I know i’m not for everyone but the constant hostility and accusations are breaking me. 

I don’t want to share these anon messages, i don't want to share the receipts of my screen time spent, my 100s of pages of google docs, i don’t want to fucking be crying over anonymous messages. 

I posted for the first time in a week sharing a chapter i’ve spent so much time on and put so much love in to and i'm still being questioned.

I am not a machine, i am not an idea, i am just a fucking girl on her laptop. You don’t know me, you don’t know my life beyond this page. You do not know what I am carrying offline, so please do not push someone when you don’t know how close they might actually be to their ledge in real life.

Please. Like... please stop.

FIE x

[foreverisntenough]

🤍

I honestly am so upset to be posting this and i know I’ve said things like this before so apologize if that's frustrating to some but it’s just getting worse and worse and i don't know if i can do this anymore.

over the last few days and weeks, i have received a huge uptick of anonymous messages that go far beyond criticism of my writing. some have been accusations about how i write, others have been just blatant attacks telling me i shouldn’t exist, that i should delete myself along with my blog, along with making false assumptions about who i am as a person. 

to be clear, criticism of writing is welcome and something i can handle. writing is subjective and not every piece of it will resonate with every reader. That’s normal. That’s life. 

What crosses a line is when conversation stops being about fiction and startsbecoming attacks against me as a human being.  

I spend so much time on this blog and the stories i share on here. My chapters and fics come from hours of writing, editing, planning, thinking through scenes, and trying to create something special for readers who chose to enjoy it. This space exists because i like to write and because i feel there is a community on here who genuinely like reading and connecting with my worlds. 

I don’t respond to most anonymous messages that fall into the category i am referencing for two reasons; many are unnecessarily cruel and i don’t want that documented on my blog, others are just simply false accusations that don’t deserve debate. 

for the record; i write my own work, the stories i post here come from me. I won’t post receipts to prove my authorship. I know how much time and work goes into what i do, and i won’t reduce that to screenshots or documentation just to satisfy anons. (not because I can’t, i can, but because I’m not interested in turning my creative process into evidence.)

More importantly, this blog is not my entire life. I am a full person outside of FIE and i’m asking people remember that basic respect

I don't know whether continuing this blog is worth the hostility that has been continuing to grow in the last few months. I’ve always seen writing as a place i can share something creative and connect with people who enjoy the same world, lately that’s not what's happening.

to anyone who continually supports me with kindness, thoughtfulness, and genuineness, thank you. 

to others, if my writing isn’t for you, that’s okay, but please move on rather than turning this into something hostile. there is a real person behind this blog.

anyway, bye for a bit.

x FIE

[foreverisntenough]

a tiny personal update because my heart is doing somersaults 🥹

i’m only 20 followers away from 1,000 and that is… absolutely mental?? i don’t even know how to put it into words without sounding like i’m about to cry into my keyboard, because honestly, i might.

to everyone who’s been here through all my highs and lows; through loving players, leaving them, finding new ones, circling back, spiraling, healing, writing chaos, writing softness; the constant has been you.

you’ve stayed. you’ve read. you’ve sent messages when i thought no one was listening. you’ve created space for me when i was fumbling through plot twists and real life ones too. you’ve let me scream about footballers and then turn around and write 6k words of yearning at 2 a.m.

i don’t take any of it for granted.

so whether you followed me in chapter one or literally yesterday, i love you. truly. thank you for being the sweetest, funniest, most unhinged little corner of the internet i could ever ask for.

here’s to the last 20, or if we stay right here at 980, and to everything we’ve build together.

thank you, merci, gracias, danke- however you say it.

xx FIE

[foreverisntenough]

One thing that's going to drive me mad and always has is fans calling him "Arnold" like whooooo are you talking about? Who TF is Arnold?

The "Trent" thing always has bothered me a bit too icl because if we've been saying Oxlade-Chamberlain, Loftus-Cheek etc... it's not a stretch. I didn't love that sound bite during the euros the "Saka, Palmer, Bellingham, Trent... " Like? Yes, it sounds right because his sur name is a lot of syllables but also so so wrong.... Because he's never played as mononymous.

He clearly is doing an entire rebrand. Like in Madrid that kit will be "Trent." I saw they are already using 'Trent' today which honestly fair because "Arnold" pisses me off. Alexander Arnold #66 is done. RIP. And because he couldn't be #66, he's just scrapping the whole thing. I get it.

BUT.... Arnold? Where? Like I can't. I hate it. It's Trent Alexander-Arnold. It's double barreled. That's his surname. And when he debuted, that kit was "Alexander." I don't want to get into the lore of his surname because it's a lot, I know his IG handle is trentarnold. So it's not a crazy thing to say but it's just not it.

I don't know, you either get me or you don't. Pet hate though.

[atiny-piratequeen]

Shoutout to vegans with megaphones protesting in my job and shit for like a whole 15 minutes during thanksgiving week. Bc its not like us grocery store retail workers don't have enough shit to deal with without you fucking causing a scene in a fucking grocery store

[atiny-piratequeen]

I wanna give a shoutout to my job giving me another 6am-2:30 shift the day after christmas just like they did on black Friday, knowing full fucking well nobody's gonna be shopping for groceries the fucking d a y after Christmas, thus leaving me to fucking stand around for way too fucking long doing fucking nothing because nobody's here