#figaro hc

[orleans-jester]

Little Headcannon since I just rewatched The Mist (2007) and forgot how fucking good it is:

For Figaro’s birthday, Maddy would so mist up Figaro’s street, giving it a Silent Hill / The Mist sort of feel. Iorek will be dressed up as Pyramidhead. Mr. Punch somehow gets out and is the real maniac out there that they’d have to look out for.

[orleans-jester]

Delta Card: Dark type. Level 10. Dragon / Fusion / Effect. Best when fusion summoned with ‘Frank’, doubling any battle damage to opponent. This legendary dragon is a very powerful engine of destruction. Once per turn, during the end phase, Destroy all other cards that you control that did not declare an attack this game, as they are considered useless.

Frank Card: Dark type. Level 10. Dragon / Fusion / Psychic / Effect. Best when fusion summoned with ‘Delta’, doubling any battle damage to opponent. Predicts next move of opponent, immediately taking 100 off of their attack. Opponents that deal damage over 1000 gains Frank 100 bonus defense points due to enjoyment of the attack.

Figgy Smalls Card: Level 4. Cryptid / Effect. Summons up three random beast cards with each move, adding to the attack and the defense. When combined with 'Mr Punch', attack goes up to a thousand. When used on it's own, this card uses verbal attacks, or goes 'violent' with side kicks and condiment wielding.

Willem DaFriend Card: Air type.Level 6. Fairy/Effect. Works well on it's own, as well as combined with others. It heightens the defense of other cards, providing them with higher avoidance and lessens fall damage through it's wings. Swoop attacks, strategic advantage through being above the playing field and out of the way of many attacks, and when combined with 'The Dollmaker' card, creates new cards for the player.

Bastien ‘Firebug’ Bellerose Card: Fire type. Level 8. Fire/Effect. When used during a day game, attack and defense go up +400. Weaker during the night, but makes up for it with it's fire moves. Resilient against all gun attacks. Main attacks include hammer-sweep, crush and burn.

Maddy Bellerose Card: Level 8. Effect card. The human shield. The second largest in defense, after the Legendary Dragon Team. When this card is in play, defense goes through the roof. All other cards used by player are defended. Unfortunately, bullying does get through, so best used if the opponent does not have any cards that use taunts. Attacks include crushing, suffocating, and telling off blonde hoes.

Door-Clown Card: Level 3. Doll / Effect. This card, though low in attack, is permanently on stealth mode. You will never hear him coming. It's a two in one, for both the large clown and the small one doll out karate-chops, flowers that shoot acid into faces if they sniff them, strange instagram posts that cause the font to go wonky, and never-ending scarves to suffocate you with. More of a guardian than a soldier.

Diana Card: Level 3. Doll/ Effect. Not the most powerful of the doll cards, but often draws other cards, such as Willem and Figgy into her midst. As in, this is not a card that you want to be up against if you want a quick game, despite her low stats. She is loved and if the opponent hurts her, you're getting paved.

Mr Punch Card: Level 4. Doll / Effect. There is a chance that when this card is played, it may attack other cards on the same team. Punch killed his wife, what do you expect? He usually uses a bat to batter the opponents, but when cornered, will use a sword. Especially vicious towards alligators, wives, policemen and devils.

Hansel Card: Level 3. Doll / Effect. A sneaky card. Though low in attack, he can burrow into small places, and keep himself silent and hidden for long periods of time. Through an entire game, if necessary, only to make a last minute attack. More of a last resort card. Weakened against feminine cards, especially those with big tits. 

[orleans-jester]

Figaro is so down to have a party. Yeah, they’re still mourning quite a bit but - this was Funkytown and it was meant to be funky. They were feeling quite femme on this day so it was a Mardi Gras genie that people would be walking in seeing, giving out all the alcohol that they had been able to scavenge. It had been a busy couple of weeks since coming back. They granted the wish of every animal that was left alive at the zoo and released them incriments. Let the smaller creatures that were left go first a bit before the predators. Maybe they should have warned Delta that there was now going to be different animals on the loose? Nah, it was in the name. Feral. Didn’t get much more feral than an almost starved lion being pointed towards the nearest cow field. They’d also introduce their new game to their guests (Coming soon), and work on bringing the funky back.

Maddy accepted the invitation, of course. It’s like - the only semblance of a social life that she had outside of the castle right now. Plus she thought that Bastien could use a bit of time with his friends too. With Willem, since they got along. She jumped at the chance to dress up, bringing out the Sari since her stomach was going back to shape thanks to the constant walks and work outs. Not there yet, but getting there. And she had BOOBS to fill it out too, like whoa, who thought that would happen, it was funny. She’d have a bit of a moment where she’d realize how big they had gotten with milk before they left and would look at Bastien like when did someone put oranges in my bra? Wait, it’s actual BOOBS. Feeling like Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30. True to trend, Frankie would be dressed up too in a little Mardi Gras outfit, before getting set in her car seat on the couch to fall asleep with Maddy keeping a barrier around her to make sure that no one bumped into her or sat on her by accident.

Diana was mourning too, that was her maker that had died and it was the first person close to her that had, that and many of her doll friends. But she did her best to remain cheerful for everyone. She donned a gold wig and bright green eyes in her head. Hansel was convinced to come out but wore a mask over his mask to help in his shyness. Door Clown switched out his little hat for a bigger one.

[orleans-jester]

It was just an average night at Funkytown. Figaro was taking a break from their homework - goddamn university piling it all on. The biology mostly. It was a pain. They offered to help Gep make dinner that night, just to give them an excuse to keep off of their laptop. Straining eyes. So many cells. Blah. So into the kitchen. Gep was going to make spaghetti again but Figaro managed to derail that, they had it every night for the past week, so it was turning into the human version of wet cat food - Garfield’s favorite - Lasagna.

It was going well. Until it wasn’t. Fig carefully was spooning the ricotto mixture on when Papa G suddenly just seemed to turn. “That’s not how you do it. That’s stupid.”

Now these two weren’t above ribbing on one another. It was part of their dynamic. It was how they showed their love. But the way that Papa G said it just sounded - harsh. It wasn’t anything that he had ever said to them before. At least not like that. “Oh, should we put more tomato then?” They asked, trying to move on. But Papa G was standing there with a blank expression on his face, just looking at them.

“You’re stupid.”

Figaro knew it wasn’t him. It was the illness. It was the alzheimer’s brought on or made worse by all of the memories that he had lost by putting them into the dolls. But it still hurt to hear it from someone that they loved so much. That they admired from the depths of their heart. They took a breath and then put on a smile. It was definitely forced, something they rarely did.

“Yeah, sometimes I can be,” They said, teasing themself. “Okay, well, what if we-”

“So stupid,” Gepetto said, and then to add insult to injury, or rather injury to insult, his large hands took hold of Figaro’s shoulders and gave them a shove. A real shove. There was strength in those arms. He wasn’t the man that he once was but - he still had muscles there. And because it was so unexpected, it sent Figaro reeling back, bumping into the table. They fell back on it, the edge of it digging into their back. They tried to hide the grimace, but damn, that sucked. Slippery Douglas got on his feet and started barking at the commotion.

And then Hansel came out of the wall and stood between the two human beings in the kitchen. At first it wasn’t clear which one he was trying to protect. But Gep was on a roll now. Grouchy. He called Hansel stupid and gave him a slap. The mask. It came right off. Landing on the ground and splitting in half. His hands immediately went up to his face to try to hide it.

“Young G!” Figaro called for, taking Hansel in a hug, the tall man burying his face in their shoulder. “Protocol N.”

Because Fig had done their research. They wanted to know what to expect when they became their father’s taker as he got worse. Put Gep in a home? Not a fucking chance. They’d hire one of their friends who didn’t have a job or something to stay with him while Fig was at school and Willem was doing his own business if they had to, before they would ever consider it. But because of that research, Fig had formed a contingency plan with the dolls, at least the ones who cared as much as they did. The main ones.

Young Gep stepped forward and put an arm around Gepetto. The older man tried to shrug him off but the stiff doll remained, holding him into a hug and then giving him a pill like he was a child. It was all straight faces in Funkytown as he brought Gepetto up the stairs and tucked him ino bed. It was like the happiness was sucked out of the house when Gep was having a bad day. And this was truly a bad day.

Hansel would eventually pick up the two halves of his face and try to stick them together, like it would magically go back together, but of course it did nothing. “We’ll fix it,” Figaro said, rubbing his back. “We got this.”

No quirky words, no quips, no puns. They just didn’t have it in them.

[orleans-jester]

Lil Headcannon

Remember back when Willem and Figaro were having a heart to heart and Willem thought that Figaro deserved the whole crazy University experience without having to worry about dear old Gep? Well they are living it up. Homecoming rave was crazy fun but - they missed their pals. So when something came up, they made sure that others were included.

Fig would find a flyer in the student commons about a film major trying to make a zombie film and needing extras. So they signed up. And got Gepetto to sign up because obviously the elderly can be zombies too. And then signed the clown up. And then Diana said she would sign up if Willem did, so they’d all be looking at their pirate boy with the big puppy dog eyes. Including Slippery Douglas. Who they also signed up for it.

It was just one afternoon of chaos. Two aspiring ‘influencers’ and ‘make-up artists’ were trying to get something like this on their portfolio, buying out Spirit Halloween of fake wounds but Figaro started a blood fight. The dyed corn syrup got everywhere. The film major loved it. He was making a blooper reel all throughout this.

They got permission to film on the campus and it was a crazy good time. The main actors didn’t have as much fun. They had to keep reshooting running scenes because someone - Gepetto - kept calling out, “They’re coming for you Barbara!” One of the other extras kept tripping over the clown’s little clown but they kept that in because it was comedic gold.

After getting the appreciation of the director, and writing out their names so that they could be thanked in the credits, Figaro invited their little gang - including Willem, even if he didn’t come out but it really did seem up his alley - out to dinner so they’d turn up at an Pizza Planet for some more ‘slices’, still covered in gunk.

That was the best university experience. Who needed frat parties, sorority drama, most of those dumb student groups and sports when you could be a motha fuckin zombie.

[orleans-jester]

Upon getting back to NOLA and seeing all of the shit from Willem’s old ‘friends’, Figaro goes through Munro’s old files again. Welp. Guess some shit getting leaked of them too.

[orleans-jester]

Figaro Clothes part 2

[orleans-jester]

Happy Father’s Day!!!

- Thomas would text Zeke, Clopin and Kuzco, wishing them a happy fathers day because they were all badass dads, fuck yes. He’d send out a little prayer-sort of thing to Jetsam, wishing him one too.

- He’d even get a text from Maddy, which was kinda cool.

- Figaro went all out for their Papa G. Breakfast in bed, pajama day, giving him a plushie of her own creation (that was sewn from all sorts of different ones bought from a thriftstore to make a Frankenplush), and watching whatever he wanted on the television, even if it was Poirot or Spongebob, his current two favorites.

- Figaro would also make a visit to Cap’n Hook cause he was a dad in Funkytown too, bringing him a pirate themed food tray. They weren’t scared of No Hook. They’d call him Dad for funzies.

- Triton would get 0 from Frank of course. That wasn’t his dad. That was never going to be his dad. He was eternally fatherless. Immaculate conception, bitch.

- Iain was obviously gonna spend the whole day with his little Pete. They’d have a picnic brunch on the Ranch, they’d fly some kites, he’d take her on a bike ride through the city where she’d be sitting on a seat attached to his bike through the town to go and get some ice cream, just really soaking up the day.

- Maddy would obviously have a few things in store for Bastien, even if the baby wasn’t here yet. She’d plan a day on their private beach if he felt up to it while the sun was up, wearing a bikini to show off that bump, lots of smooches and just being grateful for the father of her child.

- Clopin would surprise his husband, the Little Llama, with a nice knife, his name etched in it, that he made, just like the weapons he’d make for Chip and Piper over time. He’d then use this very knife to cut up chocolate covered strawberries and feed them into his lover’s mouth. He didn’t need a reason to celebrate Kuzco but it felt pretty fun having one.

- Ellie would be spending the day with her dad too, watching over their favorite WWE fights and throwing popcorn at the television screen even though they knew what the outcomes were going to be. She’d feel like a little kid again and it was really fun.