#clopin hc

[orleans-jester]

Headcannon

Clopin, without having to be asked, picked up Piper from the burning prom in the dune buggy in a suit because every girl deserves to ride in style during the prom day at least once (And he will stand by the fact that his dune buggy is a million times better than Dweebus’s old SUV).

[orleans-jester]

Summer & Figaro dressed in red.

Iain and his mystery date.

And Mr. Bond himself.

[orleans-jester]

Step 2 Revenge.

Damned if she stayed. Damned if she didn’t.

That’s how Summer felt, especially when the parents were out of the house and who knew when they were going to be back. She could be clueless when it came to people’s thoughts, but not so much anymore. She’d gotten to know this family. She loved them, each and every single last one of them. River, that much was obvious, he had been her rock, her protector, her savior. Dale, though he could be grumpy most of the time, he had a generous heart sharing his room with her, and she tried to repay the favor as much as she could with gifts of snacks that she’d get when she’d go into town. Turns out she inherited her father’s love of driving. Chip, the one that made her realize during one of their few conversations that she had to fight to be worth all of the sacrifices that this family had made for her. And she really did try. She was fighting all of the time. And Scout, that girl was a full sister to her, she’d do anything for that girl.

But with the break up with River? Yeah, she felt like they didn’t want to get close to her at all. So it was to another that she found companionship with. The older man with the dark golden curls at the back of his neck and the whiskey-colored eyes. Not only did she find a papa in him, but a conspirator. And oh, on this day, they had a plan, and walked out of the house together, a bag full of apples and spray paint, got into Thomas’s inconspicuous vehicle and went into town.

They’d be coming back with the giggles, but would say nothing, no matter how many times that they were questioned.

It would be all over Social Media before the news would get it, as such things typically were in today's days. Reddit and Instagram was a better source of news than anything on the telly.

Oogie Boogie had been meant to perform a small show. Her reputation had been being damaged since the Sherwood Massacre, and she wanted to give a concert in good faith. But before the doors of the venue had been opened, while the line was long outside, a horse came a trotting all by itself down the street, stopping traffic, cars a-beeping. But it wasn’t the horse itself that had been the main source of the attention. Such things happened around here, with all of the carriages, sometimes a horse got loose.

But what was the source of all of the laughter, the pointing, the gasping, the picture taking, was the fact that there was a very large naked man sitting backwards atop of the horse’s saddle. Tied down with purple and gold scarves that seemed never ending. weaving about, securing hands behind the back, securing legs around the saddle, a gag to keep him from saying anything. He wasn’t going anywhere, and no one was stepping forward with knives to cut the scarves to help. There would be a few who would recognize him as Cobra Bubbles, the gym teacher of Halloweentown High School.

On his back would be spray painted in white, as to contrast his dark skin, ‘Oogie Boogie’. And on the front of him, which would be seen afterward. ‘Stay in Halloweentown’.

The horse would stop in front of the venue, tail a wagging as it let loose it’s bowels right near the front doors. A couple of the staff would exit out of the side door and try to help but those bonds were tough to break. An embarrassing display, no doubt. One of Oogie’s strongest men humiliated publicly. One might think his reputation might never recover.

[orleans-jester]

Step 1 Revenge.

Clopin wasn’t always the picture of sophistication. He could be cruel. He could be crude. He could be downright lewd. And what he was doing to the Oogie Boogie house, walking on borrowing one of Thomas’s hardhats and safety vests, fake leg hidden beneath the jeans - well, it was downright childish admittedly. But sometimes, sometimes the best things in life were like that. Just a bit immature.

He wasn’t going to kill Oogie. Not yet. He was going to play a bit of cat and mouse. She didn’t even know that he existed which made it so much easier. Any of the Laveaus, the Savages, their friends, they’d be caught before going anywhere near the premesis of the almost fully complete Boogie house. But a stranger with golden eyes and not the slightest wiff of magic? Just another construction man on the job.

Whistle, whistle, whistle. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s off to work we go.

He had a toolbox with him, though the only tool that it carried was a single screwdriver. The rest - well, the Boogies would be finding that out soon enough.

“Who are you?” Oogie would ask, eyes narrowed as this stranger entered her home. She’d already fucked through a line of these construction men, but this one was new.

“Air conditioning, ma’am. Wouldn’t want a pretty face like yours to boil in this heat, would we?” He asked, managing not to gag on the fake kind words. She waved him off, the compliment working. She was still stewing on her failures. Finder, gone. Vampire, on the loose. Hunters hanging around. Stone still who knows where.

So to the vents within the walls that he would go. But he wasn’t there to fix anything. Probably wouldn’t know how even if he had been. That’s what the other things in the toolbox were for. He was left alone to his own devices, which was rarely a good thing for a Clopin to be.

Step one? Spray cheese. Cover up those vents, using it like a damn caulking gun. Everywhere. Inside. Empty out a ziplock bag of cut up hot dogs. Uncooked. It stuck into the cheese. A bottle of ketchup, give that a good spray. It could cause a surprising stench. Everyone under-estimated condiments.

Next up, pulling out of that tool box was three bags of frozen cooked shrimp. Empty that in there, watchin some of it fall down the vents never to be found again. Oof.

And then

The piece de resistance

Since Oogie seemed to like dick so much -

There had been an odd surge in the city of men coming in claiming that their dicks had been caught off by a - well, none of them would come out and say prostitute because that would admit that they had been going to those women, but by a woman nonetheless. Might not have Claudette’s face but he could still fit into those pretty dresses. And Scout had a plethora of wigs to choose from.

More ziplock bags. Dicks on ice. Big dicks. Little dicks. Foreskin dicks. Diseased dicks. Black dicks. White dicks. Skin-tagged dicks. Toss em in, toss em in. Probably a great metaphor for how wide Oogie’s vagina was from all of the dicks that she had taken. Then the bags, the bottles, the spray can, all back into that tool box, the vent cover right back onto the walls and out he would walk with a wham bam, thank you ma’am to where the dune buggy of the gods was hidden and away home he’d drive.

It wasn’t something that was going to make the news. Oogie would never admit to anyone that she had been gotten the better of. But Clopin would have that slick satisfaction. Next time someone would mention shrimp, you could bet that he would get the giggles.

[orleans-jester]

@cryptid-killjoy

On Kuzco and Clopin’s private island, a funeral was being held. Placed side by side were two tombstones - almost magically made by Clopin as soon as he got the idea for this upon seeing Chip’s pictures with Agnes - and a small scattering of rose petals sitting around them. Beside each one was a blown up black and white picture of the boys, placed on metal easels.

Clopin had requested for Kuzco to supply some funeral bagpipes music for the occasion.

“We are united here today to pay our respects to the balls of these two, bright, promising young men,” Clopin spoke, wiping a tear out of his eye. “-Cut off too soon by these teenage girls, with their iron grip. Torn clean off. Such a vicious death that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. You know sometimes - sometimes I feel I can still feel their presence, like they are watching over us today. Loa bless those balls, and may they have the time of their lives, swinging around in the Underworld. Thank you.” With a bow of his head, he’d move aside so Dale could speak if he wished.