Jess closes her eyes and breathes deep, the salty air full of memories. It grounds her- the familiar scents and sounds- the shush of water breaking upon land, the piercing cry of gulls overhead.
Leaning against the crumbling stone wall tracing the top of the cliff, she almost expects to see the day’s first light breaking out along the horizon, accompanied by Grandmama’s gentle directive to close her eyes, to breathe, to greet the day.
But this is the wrong coast for that, and so she stares out at the glassy surface stretching to the horizon as the morning sky shifts from dusky grey to smoldering orange.
Jess’s ears perk at the sound of an engine, and a lone rider on a motorcycle appears in the distance, on the last visible curve of the highway. From her perch, Jess follows the rider’s progress as they climb, winding along the quiet coastal road. They disappear for a moment, hidden by the final curve, before emerging at last, slowing to pull into the dirt lot.
The rider brings the bike to a stop next to Jess’s car, one booted foot catching the ground while the other flicks the kickstand into place. They give a small wave, then pull their helmet off, gorgeous blonde tresses shaking free as they run practiced hands through it.
The leather jacket is unzipped and draped across the seat. There’s a confidence and grace to every motion, and Jess watches with no small amount of awe and interest as- not Kara Danvers, reporter, but some dizzying combination of Kara Danvers and the Girl of Steel- twists her hair into a low messy bun, the muscles of her toned arms clearly visible in the casual white tee she’s wearing.
Kara turns to retrieve some items from the saddlebag before making her way over.
Jess watches Kara approach and feels something loosen in her chest as she notes that Kara’s steps are sure, her gait normal, as if just two weeks ago Jess hadn’t watched her get shot.
“Morning.” Kara tips the thermos in her hand toward Jess in greeting, her smile soft and reassuring.
“Thanks for coming,” Jess offers as she reels her thoughts back in, focusing on the reason for the meeting.
“Of course,” Kara takes up a spot beside Jess on the wall, hip leaning into the stone as she unscrews the thermos and doles out equal portions of steaming liquid into the hand-made mugs held in her other hand.
Jess accepts the offered mug, and as she wraps her hands around the warm ceramic the comforting texture of the subtle grooves is not lost on her. When she brings the mug to her lips, she’s only half surprised to taste her favorite brew.
Thoughtful, as always.
Kara has turned to look out over the ocean and Jess joins her, elbows propped on the wall. From the corner of her eye she watches Kara drink, thumb running absently along her mug’s broad lip.
Maybe Jess isn’t the only one in need of small comforts this morning.
They stay that way for several minutes, Jess gathering her thoughts and Kara seemingly content to let Jess set the pace.
Which Jess is grateful for, given the churning inside her.
How do you ask the most powerful woman in the world if she’s the right person for Lena Luthor?
...
Being direct has gotten her this far.
“I know- I know this is probably not my place.” Jess begins with a shake of her head, again trying to dislodge some semblance of a clear, concise thought. She tries again. “You’re an amazing person, and Lena clearly adores you, and I- I owe you my life, so I feel like an ass even asking this, but-”
Jess heaves a sigh before turning to look at Kara head-on. “Lena is not just anyone. She’s changing the world- will probably save it several times over.”
Kara’s proud smile peeks around her mug as she nods in agreement, and for Jess to continue.
“She’s also the most incredible person I’ve ever met, and some of the only family I have left.”
Jess tries to ignore the empathy and understanding reflected in Kara’s eyes.
She pushes on. “And you may have superpowers, but how are you going to keep her safe? Not just from Lex and stuff like London, but from everything that comes with, well...“
“Proximity to a superhero?” Kara supplies.
Jess nods, hoping she is making some sense. “How can you take care of one person when the whole world relies on you?”
Kara’s brow furrows as she looks back toward the water, considering.
Because in the end, that’s the crux of it- as much as Jess has come to care for Kara, as much as much as she yearns to see Lena happy- to see them both defy the odds and find some way to make it work-
Neither of their lives is ordinary, and Jess is all too familiar with the danger that finds them at shocking frequency.
She flashes back to that moment in the boardroom in London, hearing Lena’s voice. The ping of the elevator and the horror of seeing the last shooter draw his gun on Lena. Those split-seconds when she thought for sure she was about to watch Lena die.
No amount of loving someone can bring them back from the dead.
“I never intended to be a hero.” Kara’s statement breaks the quiet, pulls Jess back. “That first save- the plane- it was to save Alex.“
Kara swallows hard against some memory. “I thought about it giving it up- the time that Alex-“ She stops again, lips pressing tight.
Jess thinks of the tall agent who had swept into the lobby after the last attack, who had dropped to her knees beside Lena and so tenderly reassured Kara, who had all but ordered her sister to stay alive, all while commanding the hurried efforts to save her life. The clear devotion and love and a bond unlike Jess has ever seen.
Kara finds her voice, gaze still fixed on the horizon. “I thought about giving it up, once. A while ago. To protect her.”
She turns to look at Jess with eyes darkened by turmoil. “I know exactly how dangerous it is for someone to know who I am, to be associated with Supergirl. Believe me, I know.”
And Jess does.
She watches Kara’s jaw tick and wonders how many times Kara and Alex have had to save each other.
How many close calls there have been.
How many times Kara has shouldered that weight- knowing that what she does- the lives she saves, the impact she makes- comes at a terrible price.
One she doesn’t pay alone.
“It’s part of why I waited so long to tell Lena. Why the ruse is necessary, why I have to be so careful.” A sort of sorrow tints her gaze. “Why you’ll have to be too.”
A thought trips across Jess’s lips before she can stop it.
“How do you do it?”
Kara raises a brow at the abrupt question.
Jess rushes to clarify. “The dual identity- the pretending, switching from one to the other,” she decides to be brave. “The lying?”
Kara nods in understanding, forehead furrowing again as she thinks. “I don’t actually think of it as dual identities- both are me. I’m all of it- I just try to keep certain parts of who I am mostly contained to one side or the other.”
She glances over and it’s Jess’s turn to raise an eyebrow in question.
Kara gives a half-smile that holds no joy. “Take Supergirl, for example. She doesn’t get to be vulnerable- not the way other people are.” She shrugs a shoulder and looks back out over the water. “But Kara Danvers can be- she can have bad days, can decide to just stay in and curl up on the couch. She can be flawed and scared and ordinary. So I kind of just… split things. It helps sell the ruse, and helps me keep my sanity.”
She says it so casually. But Jess has always been good at reading people, and all the pieces are coming together, the things she’s read about Supergirl, the things she knows about Kara.
Of course she is both Kara and Supergirl- gentle and fierce, quiet and bold, strong and unassuming. The duality that exists in all people.
And of course she would need her identity as Kara Danvers- not just for the safety of her friends and family, but for her own well-being.
Supergirl is the last daughter of a lost planet, the champion of earth. A hero, a warrior, a refugee.
Kara Danvers gets lunch with friends, has a home address, can walk into a room without immediately garnering the expectation of everyone in it.
And maybe... maybe it’s easier for Kara Danvers to pretend she hasn’t lost her whole world, doesn’t also carry the weight of this one.
Kara breathes in deep, drawing Jess’s attention again. “I thought again about giving it up- being Supergirl. For Lena.” A slight nod, determination flickering. “I would, to keep her safe. To have a life together.” A soft smile graces her face, smoothing some of the tension that had taken up residence there. “She told me it was ‘quantifiably the dumbest idea’ she’s ever heard.”
Kara’s smile grows as she studies the cup in her hands, balancing it against the stones.
“That sounds like Lena.” Jess finds herself grinning as well, imagining the look on Lena’s face.
Kara sobers again, shoulders pulled forward. “But like you said, doing this…” she shakes her head. “There’s a cost.”
She holds her hand out, flexing. “I know it would be selfish, to give it up, but- I never expected to have these powers. And there are days- there are days I wish I were normal. Human.”
Kara drops her hand and her gaze, lost in that contemplation.
What goes unsaid in Jess’s mind is that Kara doesn’t owe this world anything- and she doesn’t.
Jess remembers the times Supergirl- Kara- nearly sacrificed everything, to save them all. And that’s just the ones Jess knows about.
How many times would they- the rest of the world- ask Kara to make that sacrifice? To put herself on the line, to break her body, to bear the mental and emotional toll- so they don’t have to? This woman who has already given so much.
And for a moment, Jess imagines it- a quiet life for Kara, with the woman she loves. One free of all of the rest of it.
The world would survive, surely.
Life would go on without Supergirl.
But Jess looks at Kara- Kara, who risks so much every day to bring hope and help and compassion to the world.
And Jess knows Kara would not be content, could not sit by when she had the capacity to help, to make a difference.
Just as Lena could never stop using her mind, her wealth, and her influence for good. No matter the risk, the sacrifices required.
It’s who they are, and Jess suspects neither of them would let the other give that up.
God, they really are meant for each other.
And with that pop of exasperated, snark-filled affection, Jess realizes she’s narrowing in on her answer.
We’re all just doing the best we can, with what we’ve been given.
Kara redirects, coming back to Jess’s main question as if following Jess’s train of thought. “In the end, I can’t guarantee anything. None of us can.”
She faces Jess head-on, earnest and honest. “But I know this: I don’t want to live a life driven by fear.
I love Lena. And choosing to forsake that in an attempt to keep her safe would be a decision made from fear. But fear makes you brittle, and eventually shatters any relationship.”
Kara smiles then, warm and full of hard-won wisdom.
“I have to believe there’s hope- hope for a life together, one where joy and love outweigh the darkness.”
She looks toward the hills and the streaks of gold painting the tips of the grasses along their crowns. “If we aren’t fighting for that light, what else is there?”
Jess follows her gaze as those words sink deep.
Kara is right.
About hope.
It’s a choice. Each day, each moment- something to be cherished and fought for.
Despite everything that seems to stand against it, hope shines through.
It is powerful, and life-giving, and worth fighting for.
And as the sun finally emerges from behind the hills, golden light chasing away the last of the night, Jess feels the last of her doubts slip away with the receding tide, replaced by the warm promise of the coming day.
Hope, indeed.
///
Six weeks later, Kara Danvers arrives at L-Corp fifteen minutes early for her lunch with Lena.
With just enough time to run a few designs by Jess.
Designs for a ring.
And as Jess watches Lena’s face alight as she finally steps out of the office, her fingers extending to twine with Kara’s as they head for the elevator- as Kara mouths an exaggerated thank you, complete with thumbs-up and a wink thrown from behind Lena’s back as the doors slide open-
As Jess watches two incredible people with impossible lives, chasing hope despite outlandish odds, she thinks to herself,
