writers note: hello! it has been a long time since i last wrote something let alone posted it, so i'm here again to once water another dying fandom. it's my first time truly writing joshua so I hope i did him well, or at least decently.
・warnings/tags: n/a
( cross posted on ao3 )
Your steps fall lightly on the wooden planks, all in an attempt to sneak into the infirmary while everyone lies asleep. And you are hoping the Phoenix lies awake as you have discovered recently. Your hand grips the handle to the door and twists slowly, easing the hinges open just enough to let your body slip through. Looking towards the archway, a warm light hid behind the wall, and that was the only sign you needed.
“What are you doing awake at this hour?” Joshua spoke in a hushed tone at first, almost standing up before you rushed over to him to put a hand on his shoulder to convince him to stay. “I could ask you the same.” You smiled lightly, you stood in front of his sitting form, his shirt loosely fitting his frame. The purple scar he bore no longer hiding beneath the shirt; it made you ache, an impending doom that you could not control regardless of its proximity.
“Did you come to stand there idly and stare?” Joshua questioned you as he sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at you. His eyes looked tired, but he was awake nonetheless.
“Much to your dismay, I did not, Phoenix.” You sat down on the mattress next to him, his eyes followed you the entire time, much like a Phoenix , you thought.
“Then may I ask why you came to visit?” Joshua’s face did not look annoyed in the slightest, and if you were to guess, he was almost teasing you, almost .
“I- Well, I figured if I could not sleep, you must share the same burden, given that your duties are far greater than my own.” Joshua’s eyes moved from you to somewhere else in the room, and you were trying to avoid this topic for that reason.
“Ah, I did not intend to bring that up, I’m sure you’ve heard that countless times.” Your hands sat in your lap, feeling anxious in the tension you had accidentally built.
“It would be far more unlikely to not hear something similar within a day.” Joshua’s gaze still did not return to you, his eyes looking out the small window. You did the same, as your eyes stared at the dull, cloudy night sky that has plagued the heavens since the fall of Drake’s Tail. “I don’t suppose you’d like to talk about…” You started to turn your head towards Joshua, and his eyes had been trained on your face, and the warmth that engulfed his face was unexpected, to say the least. You had just caught the Phoenix staring at you .
“I apologize, I-“
“Don’t apologize, Joshua.” Your voice was just above a whisper, then as you looked into his eyes, searching for something, you felt his skin on your own. His hand lightly plucked one of your hands from your lap, holding it carefully, he turned his body to face you before speaking.
“Then if I have nothing to apologize for…” His absent hand cupped the side of your face as his lips met yours, your heart was hammering in your chest so hard you feared he might have heard it. Joshua hesitated, and before he could pull away completely, you chased his lips with your own, maybe out of fear he would regret it if it came to an end too quickly. His body stiffened for just a moment before relaxing once again as the kiss you shared with him was feverish, but where you had anticipated desperation, passion- Joshua’s passion- took its place. That was something you were not aware that the Phoenix had for you. Your hand searched for a purchase and settled for his neck, where his soft blonde hair touched your fingers. Joshua slowly pulled away, as if he were fighting his own will. His eyelids weighed heavily, with the slightest warmth on his skin. This was the last thing you would’ve guessed to happen before entering the infirmary, and you were not disappointed. The fluttering that filled your chest was relentless, the longer his skin was on yours, regardless of the amount of skin touching.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Your words left your mouth almost shaky, as Joshua let go of your hand. “You should be calling me selfish.” Joshua’s words shocked you. Before you could speak, he continued.
“I should not lead you on when I cannot be certain what the future holds for me.” The weight of those words did not elude you, and what he truly meant was a far darker reality he did not want to come to terms with, not just yet.
“Oh, you are a fool, Joshua Rosfield.” He looked up at you suddenly, “How can any of us be certain of the future? I’m not sure I want to know of the future, as long as I don’t regret the present, I think I’ll be just fine.” Joshua’s expression softened as he realized what you were saying. He turned his head, looking out the same window just for a moment before returning to you,
“If that is what my lady values, then I am happy to oblige.” The warm smile on Joshua’s face was more than enough to make you forget the weight of responsibilities, even briefly.
You leaned closer to Joshua, leaving a kiss on his lips- and before he could chase you, you put a hand on his chest, halting his advances,
“Have you taken your medicine tonight, my Lord?” Joshua rolled his eyes- the ever-so-elegant Lord Rosfield just rolled his eyes!
“You can be exceptionally cruel at times, my lady.”
Joshua held back a smile that threatened to crack his facade, you noticed this almost immediately.
“Oh, forgive me for wanting to save my skin when it comes to Tarja and Jote’s wrath.” Joshua then let the smile that had been threatening to crack fall on his face.
“I suppose you would be correct, and do not worry, I already took my medicine for the night.” He squeezed your hand in a reassuring manner. “Good, then I should let you rest, I already feel guilty enough keeping you up for this long.” Before you stood, you left a quick peck on Joshua’s cheek before rising to your feet. You began to make your first step out of the room before you felt the grip of his hand around your wrist. “May I ask of a favour, my lady?” Joshua looked up at you from the bed he still sat upon.
“Yes, what is it?” You replied, a little nervous, even though you just kissed the man.
“Would you stay with me tonight?” The face you made must’ve been far more shocked than you intended, and Joshua couldn’t help but laugh.
“What- Why are you laughing?” You looked at him worried, praying you didn’t have something on your face- no, Joshua would not laugh at that.
“Your expression- I apologize for laughing. You looked as if you saw a ghost.” He let out another chuckle as your face relaxed after your realization. You crossed your arms across your chest, “I was just asked by Lord Rosfield if I wanted to stay in his bed to keep him company , excuse me if I was a little surprised.” Regardless of how well you feigned your defensiveness, Joshua saw right through it.
“Joshua, please. My title means very little these days.” Joshua replied, followed by your sigh, which came out a little louder than intended, “I was teasing you.”
“As you often do.”
“Only because you do the same.” You defended yourself, as Joshua chuckled, “I would never do such a thing.” He knew he was lying, and you knew as well.
“Liar.” You accused him, leaning down closer to his face and poking his shoulder. And Joshua saw a weakness in his opponent and swiftly took that chance. He pulled you onto him as his lips crashed with yours as you let out a surprised yelp, shocked at his sudden show of strength. Your limbs became a tangled mess between Joshua’s as one of his elbows held his weight against the bed, and the other threaded through your hair. Between heated breaths and hungry kisses, you could barely hold up your weight any longer, you let your weight fall onto Joshua’s thigh, which had been between your legs.
Stifling the noise that almost left your lips, you parted ways with Joshua, a trail of saliva leaving evidence. You felt your cheeks get impossibly warm and your heart beat impossibly faster, you did not mean to get in such a position with Joshua- you hadn't even meant to kiss him! He also had the same flustered look upon his face, and now neither of you wanted to say a wor,d but all too nervous to go any further than your already precarious situation.
“I…” Joshua paused to think, “This was not the sort of company I implied when I had asked you.” You stared at him, a feeling of anxiety swept over you, you knew you would’ve overstepped his boundaries-
“But please do not think it is unwelcome.”
Joshua squeezed your hand that had been resting on his chest.
“It may just have to wait a little longer. Until I can treat you properly, my lady.” He took your hand in his own and kissed the back of your hand so gently you weren’t sure he had even made contact with your skin.
“And you want me to address you with your first name all while acting like such a gentleman.” You giggle as you move off his lap to sit next to him on the bed, and as tiny as the mattress was you manage to squeeze next to him.
“I question your choice of company if you think my actions are gentlemanly .” Joshua turned his head to look at you next to him. Your cheeks were still warm, and he couldn’t help but find that adorable.
“Perhaps it is not your choice of company, but your lack of company- judging by the blush on your cheeks.” If you were not looking at him, it would’ve been clear by the tone of voice that he was smiling the entire time he was speaking. Oh, and if that didn’t make your face heat up even further, you’re not sure what would. You only groaned before pulling your knees to your chest and hiding your face from him. You heard him laugh next to you- you could feel him laugh next to you.
“I will stop, I swear it.” Joshua offered a promise, you peeked out of your little hiding place between your knees, his face was even more beautiful than just a second ago. A smile was kept on his face, a content, happy smile.
He kissed your forehead before readjusting himself to lie on the bed, inviting you to lie down with him. You quickly unlaced your boots and joined him under a thin blanket. The night was cold, but Joshua’s warmth kept it at bay. You lay your head on his chest, your face next to the crystal embedded into his skin. Joshua’s hand came up to move his shirt to cover it.
“I apologize, it can be quite unsightly.”
You frowned at his words, “Do not be ashamed, Joshua.” You shifted your weight onto your elbow, propping yourself up. You brought your palm to his cheek, “You tell Clive to be easy on himself, but you can’t seem to take your own advice- so I’m going to tell you exactly the same thing so you might listen.” You paused before continuing,
“You do so much for your brother, and it’s high time you do something for yourself.”
Joshua took your hand from his cheek and kissed your palm gingerly, “I will, that I can promise.”
“...I do not want to experience a world where you are not present, Joshua.” You said through a shaky breath, avoiding his gaze so he might not see your glassy eyes. You let yourself rest back onto his chest, feeling his chest rise and fall. Joshua did not say anything- you did not expect him to- but you needed to speak the words that have been sitting on your tongue for months.
Joshua’s body moved beneath you, and as you moved your head off of him to find the source of his attention, he turned to lie on his side, his face mere centimeters away from your own. His light breath fanning over your skin, his blue irises looking at you through his blonde lashes. He brought his arms around your frame and pulled you close, tucking his face into the crook of your neck as you buried your face into his chest. Before you could stop yourself, tears flowed effortlessly down your cheeks, undoubtedly leaving a spot on Joshua’s nightshirt. Even though you know Joshua would not hastily risk his life for something pointless, his lack of response told you everything. As your quiet choked sobs slowed to a stop, he lifted his head from your neck, he brought his thumb to your cheek to wipe the tear from your skin. “We should rest, morning will be unpleasant if we are both exhausted.” You nodded as you closed your eyes, sharing his warmth with you. With the Phoenix’s wings wrapped around you, you felt safe, secure.
i love joshua and im so unbelievably delusional i had to write about him, i hope you enjoyed!
This took way longer to color than I expected. Leave it to me to worry about shading bedsheets when there's... a lot more going on in the image haha. Anyway, this is obviously cropped. If you want to see what Jill is up to (or what's up with her, more accurately), you're going to have to follow me on Patreon.
