#findingwellness

[kindaobscurenameiguess-blog]

Reactions

The fear rising in the back of the throat

The vast solid weight of aching

Breath; short, sharp, loud

The back of glassy eyes burn

The silent voice shrieks

The skin feels icy flames licking along the length of arms, of spine, of neck

The mind empties in thundering chaos

The mouth smiles

[kindaobscurenameiguess-blog]

Internal Journeys

Sometimes my brain does a thing.

It does a thing where everything is fine, going great, I have wonderful people surrounding me and I have exciting things on the horizon.

Then my brain does the thing.

A voice that belonged to a darkness from my past will tell me it’s wrong.

I’ve screwed something up.

I’m always wrong.

And even as I scramble to figure out what it was that I’ve failed, the tendrils of fear will twist around my throat gripping tighter while it whispers

‘Do I have to spell out every little thing to you….’

 And my mind shatters for a while.

It shatters because fighting isn’t an option.

Talking back isn’t an option.

What would I talk back to anyway-

It’s just a shadow.

A remembered feeling of anxiety and heart pounding, un-defined fear.

As I lay in my shattered mind, I look at the pieces and feel like screaming.

 I feel like screaming because it’s a beautiful day, I have friends and family surrounding me, I have exciting things happening, I have wonderful ideas for the future.

Yet here I lay, shrieking at the shards of my mind that feel tainted and wrong despite the sun and the love that surrounds them.

 I hate it when my brain does that thing.