If you're still doing the ask meme, 18 (What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.) and 23 (If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?)?
I am always doing ask games, you could go through my list and send ask from ages ago and be like ‘it’s from that one, tell me’. Thank you for asking, love! Also I see you and your make Rainy be kind to yourself agenda. I see you.
18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene
Because I accidentally reminded myself of We draw a line in the sand, We say don't cross this or else (Take this from me, take this lonely heart ) earlier today and upon re-read, it’s not as bland as I remembered, I am picking section I of it.
I always love putting visual scenes in words, to truly and genuinely connect to emotions within them as they become more than wisps of smoke in my hands and turn into threads I can weave together into patterns and sentences. And I am rather pleased that my idea of ‘let’s explore Brienne’s complicated relationship with love as utterly romantic yet world-worn person’ turned out as good as it did, especially combining it with what I imagine was a storm of emotions immediately after Dragonpit.
Brienne hasn’t believed love is enough in a long time.
Like a flower, this childish belief has gradually lost its colorful petals - blown away by harsher fall winds that had blown out candles of her mothers’ and infant sisters’ lives, trashed to ground by cold rain like waves had battered Galladon’s body against the cliffs, fallen away from the first touch of frost that her decision to leave had brushed upon her relationship with her father.
Love could not carry you over the pits in the road or take you over the mountains life raised in your path. Only you yourself could try to overcome these obstacles, assisted by its sometimes gentle, sometimes bruising hand.
I wanted to, for once, portray Brienne who knows love is important instead of outright dismissing it as it’s often done by her more cynical characterizations, but also doesn’t hold the idolized concept of ‘love conquers and changes everything’, even bypassing human will.
Her love could not save Renly when he bled out in her arms, so far from his own beloved.
Just as her oaths and beliefs could not save Lady Stark - or her late Lady’s love had not saved her family.
Much like Jaime, whose golden, cracked heart could not dispel darkness over Cersei’s mind with its glow.
And, in turn, she could not follow its shine into the marshes, in hopes to find him and pull him back on safe, stable ground.
Further exploration of this idea - the futility of certain things, but not outright dismissal of it, because it’s not like Brienne to dismiss Effort and Intention. Love may not be all-powerful, but neither is honor and yet, she doesn’t waver from it.
And, in turn, she could not follow its shine into the marshes, in hopes to find him and pull him back on safe, stable ground.
Yet, she had dared to hope, for a brief moment in Dragonpit, when their traded glances held the weight of gathering storm clouds upon the horizon - they could dispel yet, giving way to a sun so bright it blinds in its play or unleash a storm that would devour fleets in minutes.
She had been blind, alright. But no sun had been present, except for the resplendent Lannister twins. And what cruel desert suns they could be.
As always, she recognizes the Will of things, that she cannot Save someone who doesn’t want to be Saved, that she can’t untwist Jaime’s head and then put it on straight regarding Cersei or anything else. And yet, as sort of self proclaimed cynic, there’s still part of her that wants. Wants to be enough and wants to see him choose her, even more so - choose what’s right. She always has honored his choices, seen him for the honorable man he is at the core through them and because of what his motivations were. I give further glimpses of the still very much alive romantic side through the story, but this is the first one.
“Fuck loyalty,” she had told him, but now it tastes like salt and ash of burned would-bes in her mouth. Brienne would feel better if she could truly, honestly say she had meant it, without a single, passing thought of ‘fuck loyalty to her, your sister, and maybe you will find a different sort loyalty in the smoking ruins of what Cersei has reduced your love to’.
Selfish, even when she tried to do what is right, even when she tried to save him.
And so, so godsdamn angry when she could not.
I think it’s very Brienne of her to blame herself for her longing for Jaime, to call her love and wanting to be picked and loved in return as selfish because it’s opposite of True and Pure calling of trying to convince a Commander to follow the Just Cause she thinks she should be driven by. I think it comes from also her perceiving herself as selfish in her actions to be a knight and how it has complicated her relationships with her father, as touched upon at the start of the fic.
She wants to be a Good person, but always feels lacking on some level when compared to the moral standards that cannot be fulfilled. And in part, it’s because she feels she has failed her father, and now she is failing Jaime because if she was Better, less Selfish, perhaps she’d convince him or at least it’d not hurt so much (the pain is what she’s earned with her selfishness).
And then the scene ends with her brooding being interrupted by Podrick, who says Jaime has come. I think it overall explores themes I wanted to quite well, without running on endlessly, and sets up premise of the story well!
23. If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?
I think I would re-do the Soulmate/Arranged Marriage verse. I do not know how exactly, but I am dissatisfied with the all-over-place way it’s being told right now. The first is in shape of fortunes, the other one shots are from different parts of timeline and the final piece would in part return to the original. Unfortunately, I also do love the Fortune style, so I don’t know how I’d re-do it without losing it’s original charm/way I even got it out of me. But I’d love some systematization to it all.
Send me BtS for fanfics question?<3
