“ i'm scared you'll disappear again. to somewhere i can't follow. ” those words linger heavily in the air, solemn and almost whispered across the small space between them. easily he could reach across and close it, reach over and brush away the small strand of hair that’s in her eyes, trace his fingertips over the soft round of her shoulder. but he doesn’t. instead hands remain tangled with hers in his lap, fingers twisted together as some part of him drifts to the awful reminders of what had been merely seconds for him and years for her.
for five years @firedblanks lost him. it was like slipping into a heavy sleep: one moment he was present and with the world and the next he felt himself drift. there was no pain, no warning, no sudden flash of anything that would alert him to how wrong that moment was. he remembered feeling lighter, a funny feeling in his stomach. by then he had looked down at his hands and realized most of them were gone, up to his elbows had already been dusted and by then it was too late for him to panic or worry because he was already too far gone. somewhere, somehow, there was peace in those final moments despite how desperately he wanted to reach out and anchor himself, how much he wanted to fight it. but the universe let him go and offered a tranquil silence instead, peace in a hollow darkness that he knew only briefly before everything returned to as it had been.
shiloh remembered the suddenness of it. the confusion that came immediately after this sensation of acceptance. one moment he was eased into essentially dying, ceasing to exist to the universe despite a last desperate and silent wish to stay for her, and the next he was exactly as he had been before. he even wiggled his fingers to be sure they were still there, pinched his arms to be sure they were real too, relieved when they were. but thats when he knew there was something missing from his return. really, everything was. the home they shared was empty, devoid of anyone living in it. it was cold and empty and sad. colby wasn’t there, not as she was merely seconds ago in the bright welcoming kitchen that stood miserably cold then. he looked around him again and knew nobody had been there in years. then a different thought came to him, one that sank his heart: she wasn’t there because he hadn’t been. and clearly that had been a long time. thats when he called her.
and while that had been years ago now, the wounds still feel raw. it still feels like it could have been yesterday. five years and he thinks that he will spend forever making up for that lost time. starting with these moments and hearing her pain, hoping to heal it. it will never be easy for either of them in the wake of this but at least they could do most of it together.
“ hey, ” he whispers, reaching out to tuck that strand of hair behind her ear, then tracing along her jaw to her chin and guiding her gaze to his. “ it’s over, that battle was won. nothing like it is ever going to happen and i’m never going to leave you again. you’re stuck with me. ”