The information the Ho-Oh spoke of was dark, personal scars that hadn’t healed. Soot stained so deeply into his skin that the marks still remained. Resh herself knew just how upset she would be if she lost the tower both stood in, the large hole in the side already upsetting her quite a bit.
“I wouldn’t put my faith and trust in you if I thought you were a bad person Zhen.” She said gently. “You are anything but useless, anyone willing to learn should be given the chance to.”
Her eyes widened when next he spoke. Her heart? “I-… I don’t know what to say..” She gave a nervous laugh. She forgot she was in the prescence of another god for just a moment. Resh hoped she could keep her heart as bright as Zhen said it was, somehow she worried that she would do something to taint it’s luster. It made her wonder how he saw his own heart, the thought worried her a bit.
"Say if I do learn. Do you want to see it? My meadow, when it is done?"
The question genuine, a humble request. She didn’t hesitate to respond.
“I won’t miss it for the world Zhen. That’s a promise.”
No matter how long it took, she knew what she signed up for. Through thick and thin she would offer aid and knowledge, and teach him all he could. Her resolve was firm.
The least of what he expected was for this to be easy. For the better of part of his lifespan, he had still yet to master this power of his. Studies led to dead ends; the monks were hardly any help. As much as he appreciated the offers from a dear friend, even they were at a loss, out of their element.
"Nothing is easy nowadays," Zhen said half heartedly, offering a wry smile as he sympathized with her. As she spoke, he listened attentively to her words. She had burned someone. Someone who mattered. He resonated with her words. It was why he was wary to use his flames in the first place.
Always cautious. Always careful.
"But I haven't burned anyone yet…" His gaze began to stray, shadows forming in the golden depths. He struggled to maintain an even tone as he spoke yet he never met her gaze again after having uttered those words. "But I would hate it if I burned someone close to me." Hate was scarcely enough to describe the feeling.
Loathed. Ashamed to show his face.
Wrapped in his emotions, he was startled to see, to feel the sudden heat surging throughout the space. He watched, wide eyed as her ashen hair lit a flame, the surge of sunrise and azure overtaking it to trail at the tips. To his surprise, his instinct was to reach, an urge he swiftly halted as she snapped her fingers stirring up an raging inferno.
In awe, he watched. This was hardly like his attempts tampering with his fire. It was controlled, tempered. It reminded him of a whirling tempest yet it draped the scene with a soaring dance he couldn't hope to match. His golden gaze held envy, unflinching to the surging flames. He was at home with fire, basking in its radiant shine.
Her voice pierced through the gale, breaking his fascination. "Like a sword huh…" Courage, confidence. He hardly lacked courage. He was the first to surge into a charge when called. The latter, he felt. There was hardly any.
As the flames began to die down, his breathing was unsteady. What she spoke resonated with him.
Hot headed. Emotional. Definitively human. He gritted his teeth.
Determined, he placed his hands on shoulders, eyes aglow with an inner fire. "You have to show me how you did that!" Uh… He quickly released his grasp, realizing the boundary he had crossed. "If you can, that is… sorry about that."
"And no, Tornadus," he quickly added. He dreaded the thought of a sudden gale being added to his fire.
He steeled himself for the inevitable outcome. They were always the same. His frigid anger shifted to resentment, his vision becoming cloudy as he seethed.
I wish I could help you but I can't.
I'm out of my depth here. I wish you the best.
Voices clamored in his ears, ranging from remorse, regretful. He gritted his teeth, his body tensed to spring as he awaited her words. No more would he accept rejection.
"I don’t want you to do the same thing I did.”
His anger faltered, his posture and jaw slackening. He truly saw her then. Vulnerable. The confidence she had portrayed was gone as the flames from her body resided, and lost its brilliance. Her gaze never met his own as she confessed to him. He felt the blood drain from his face as she told her story, one she had a part in, one she was not proud of.
He felt her loss, her grief, her guilt. She would never get that back. She would never forget. His gaze turned inward, fear creeping its way inside. It threatened to smolder his spirit.
"I'm sorry." He spoke quietly. He could afford no more than that. No amount of words he could give would assuage her and he knew that. "I really am."
"So if you wish to leave. Wish to live with that rage. Wish to let your flames control you then be my guest.” He could hear her voice rising in volume, stern once, her gaze finally meeting his. They were determined, burning brightly with the flames she had once displayed.
“But I will do everything in my power to stop you if you do."
He inhaled softly, his breathing unsteady. The worst to come should he truly lose himself. It wouldn't be just her and he was sure of it, his thought leading to another. One who he would be desperate to never see in such a state.
“I leave the choice to you Zhen. You alone decide which path you want to walk.”
"It has always been my choice…" A statement. He made the choice to seek her out. It was his decision to learn. It was always him.
Only him.
He seemed to make a decision then, averting his gaze, his posture relaxing.
"What I am about to tell you never leaves here. As much as I would like him to know, I can't bear to face him if he knew what was wrong." He whispered of another, a wealth of pain contained in his voice.
"You asked me before. If I had burned someone. I have, Reshi," he admitted, his voice quivering. "And I don't think I can fix it… I can't heal," his voice became anguished. "I can only burn and that's not what I am supposed to be."
His golden gaze burned bright, searing. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE!" He exclaimed, surging to his feet. "I am supposed to heal! I am supposed to create! What am I?! A JOKE?! GODS WHAT AM I?!"
He collapsed to his knees, fists clenched tight to his chest, his expression that of torture. "I don't know anymore…" he lamented, defeated. The surge of energy left bereft him, his expression shifting to despair.
Giving a small sigh, Resh ceased her own flame. She knelt down and tried to look into his eyes. “Why are you so glum? It’s only just the start!” She gave him a sympathetic smile.
“I’m not expecting you to learn everything in one day. But just that alone was really good. Normally it takes awhile for someone to attune to flames like you did, the way yours shifted in color? I’d say that’s pretty adept stuff.”
Shifting her weight to sit next to him, she propped her head up on her hands and knees while thinking aloud. “I think the only reason your flame went out was simply because you lost focus and panicked. No shame in that, eventually you’ll become so masterful at it that control will be in the back of your mind.” She paused thinking for a good analogy. “Like um….A drummer keeping the beat!”
“Control is hard to learn, hell it took me a month or two to grasp it. Probably longer.” She said thinking back. “That’s why its the first thing we’re covering though. It’s a precaution before we move onto actual attacks and techniques.” Gazing down at his hands, she notices small singes om his skin, reminding her of the conversation she needed to have.
Resh offered her hand out to his as a silent ask for permission to examine them.
“It’s a bit harder detaching yourself from emotions though. You learn to somewhat work around it, but if you arn’t careful they can get out of control.” She turned to look him in the eye, tone a bit more serious. “I did notice that. Are you…alright? Your flame’s color turned one I have never seen before. I-….It was pitch black.” Her voice wavered lightly, concern written across her face. “What were you thinking about during that moment? Do you remember?”
As she studied his concentration, a strange instance occured. Something she had never seen before. Watching his face contort in the slightest, the flame he was controlling changed. The warm golden hue became something sinister, dark and cold, full of smoldering anger that hadn’t burnt away yet.
Reshi had never seen anything like it before, it was worrying. The goddess said nothing about it in the moment, but made a note to ask about it later. Those in tune with flames tended to be emotional creatures, she knew that all too well. It would have been rash to ask whilst he still had the flame in his hands.
As they practiced, she kept a watchful eye on his flame. She wanted to be sure what she saw prior wouldn’t happen again, and to her relief it didn’t. In it’s place was a wonderful flame swathed in gorgeous hues, ever changing. Almost as radiant as the rainbow pokemon himself, despite it’s small stature.
Even so, it wasn’t long before she saw him strain at keeping it under control.
“Breathe.” She said in a calm tone. “We will continue just a moment longer, I will tell you when to stop.” Reshi did not want to push him over the limits, and yet not pushing him enough wouldn’t lead to him learning. She kept watching his flame, as her own swirled with a color she hardly payed any attention to.
Blue, bright as the sky on a cloudless day. A color never seen by the goddess. Remaining unseen by her as she focused on her pupil. She cared less about her flame, rather watching his own for both their safety.
Just a moment…" He repeated, his gaze becoming entranced by his flame. The surroundings encompassing him ceased to matter, his thought honed on maintaining stability. It was quite some time since he had seen the fire residing inside. A reflection of the power dormant within; the silvers of gold, violet and azure weaving and interlacing as it licked across his fingers. Its gentle glow illuminated brightly, casting a shadow upon his features.
A flicker of astonishment and awe at its purity. Was this truly what resides inside his core? A spirit of freedom, a soul seeking joy in wanderlust and adventure. He reminded himself to breathe, the Sacred Fire rising, its height spanning the size of both his palms.
This is it.
His fingers curled slightly. He resisted the urge to clutch the blaze close to his chest. To keep it close.
Hidden. Safe.
Tears formed at the corners of his eyes, the sparks of embers crackling from the blaze searing them away before they could stream down his face.
However small it may…
It's me.
"Reshi…" His voice was coarse, rough with emotion as he finally looked up from his flame. He nearly gasped at the sight of her embers.
The color of a deep pool, untouched, pure. The faintest of ripples disturbed it only for it to swiftly. Akin of the sky he soared under. It whispered of a soft gale, gentle but firm. Courageous.
"Reshi you should look-"
Lost in the sight, his blaze faltered, fumes signaling it was shrinking to the tiniest of embers.
Shit. Realizing what he had done, he attempted to stroke the flame anew, energy surging.
Only to grimly watch as the fire went out in his palms, smoke emitting from his hands. It was only then he realized bits of skin singed at the tips of his fingers.
He cursed mentally for his lapse of control. He sat back on his hunches, his head hanging low. He had failed. Knots formed in his shoulders, hands firm on his lap, his body tense.
He said nothing. He seemed to be awaiting something from her, his eyes squeezed shut.
He felt the pent-up breath he was holding release at her words. He exhaled slowly, sagging, hands rubbing his face. His face was that of genuine relief. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that…” He breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He gazed at her. A smile touched his golden eyes as he locked with hers.
“And sorry about the heart thing. I… I had to see for myself,” he admitted quietly. He had prepared himself for rejection, peering to see if any doubts clouded her heart. There was none. It was radiant. It put him to shame to invade her privacy, the subtle glow behind his gaze receding without a moment’s breath.
“I’m so used to rejection, fake hope, Reshi…” He sounded tired, exhausted. “The tower was a cage to me. No one understood. You can just fly away, they say. But I stayed. I stayed to fill her role. I stayed despite it making me miserable.” His voice sounded brittle at the end, threatening to fracture. The cold memories chase away any warmth he had in his heart.
The humans and their looks of mockery. He perched on the top of the tower, avoiding their visceral gaze. It didn’t matter. He heard them all the same.
A disappointment. A Ho-oh who couldn’t heal. One whose flames only burned. Their hearts… Blackened, fouled by loathing and disdain. He had all but shut off his ability in their presence, slinking into obscurity whenever they would arise.
“A lot happened that day. I want to do better. I cannot… let that happen,” his voice gained a tumulus note, his hands shaking. The fire in his heart ignited anew. His eyes flashed hotly, never straying from hers. “I would sooner die than lose control over myself again,” he hissed through his clenched jaw. “This has to work, else there’s nothing left.”
“You placed your bets on a losing Rapidash as they say.” He huffed as he shooked his head, rising to his feet. “You…” He hesitated. “You’re different.” He struggled and found nothing else to describe her with. “Weak delivery I know but I can’t put my lips to it. Just keep being different for me’ -he extended his hand. The smile on his lips, reached his eyes, one and the same, genuine- “eh, Sensei?”
He inhaled a shaky breath, heart racing. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, his form shimmering. He was struggling to maintain this form, his emotions too erratic to focus, his mind spiraling.
"You can't help me…" His voice was forlorn. He felt compelled to answer. "If he couldn't, what makes you think you can?" The balance to his uneven scales. Being in his presence for such a short time helped alleviate the shadow weighing heavily upon his shoulders.
But only by so much.
Just the slightest shift could send him spiraling.
"-If you leave now then you would be a walking danger.”
He stiffened at the thought, eyes snapping open. Becoming the danger. "It's too late for that," he admitted quietly, his gaze flashing hotly. His form ceased its shimmering, a shaky hand coursing through his hair.
Unpleasant memories flashing before his eyes. The screeching cries of raptor piercing his ears. Wails of pain, flames and cinder swirling around him. His own cry of anguish and… Rage.
HIKORI!!!
A madness so deep, he couldn't fathom its ending. The insidious whisper of malice and enjoyment of such depravity driven to further ruin.
He… hadn't inkling of what happened back then; only that it was the final straw.
Now in a moment of clarity, his eyes bore daggers into Resh, unfriendly, angered to be driven to say as much but weary. He was so… tired but desperate. A wounded beast clinging tightly onto a lifeline.
"What could you possibly do to help me? This rage," he hissed, "is far beyond what we originally talked about."
