I did get my marks back and passed every one of the five classes (something I was not anticipating)! I remember feeling so defeated after my finals were over because I was so convinced I had failed and would have to do them again. But now I am able to move on to new courses in the new year. I am a little scared but I am glad I've got through first term. I've chosen to take a reduced course load which I think will help with stress and will allow me the time to participate in extracurriculars and feel less overwhelmed.
It has been good to be at home for the winter break with my family - good food, laughs, and stuff. I'm worried about going back to the big city and having to interact with more people in a less controlled manner since the latest variant has taken off. My university goes back online for a bit before they plan to resume in person (fingers crossed people follow protocols and that actually happens).
I've been enjoying listening to music and watching shows from childhood - me and my siblings are going to watch a movie we really liked in childhood called Strange Magic which is something to look forward to because it's such a fond memory.
There are a lot of mixed feelings for me right now because I have so much uncertainty about my program, future, friends, and family. Which is a lot to consider. I am finding comfort and contentedness though - even in days that are meh or bad, I can usually find a pocket of comfort in a song or excitement in a pun or something like that. When the big things feel hard or painful the little smaller things relieve me.
Some of the songs I've been listening to as company lately:
Mr/Mme - Loic Nottet *
Days of Plenty - Little Women the Musical **
Hold me in your heart - Kinky Boots the Musical ***
* this is a particularly difficult song, and I would not recommend this to anyone unless I was sure they could listen and be alright. Content warning for mentions of suicide, harsh language, anger, loneliness and mental health struggles. This song is in French but is very emotional even if you can't understand the lyrics.
** this song is sung by the mother in the show to her daughter Jo about the passing of her younger sister Beth. This song's emotion can be overwhelming if you have experienced loss or are familiar with the book or show.
*** this is a song about a strained relationship between the character's father and the character and their difficulty growing up without their father's support.
These are the thoughts for now. school resumes next week online. I'm trying to remain optimistic about it being a fresh start and another chance to find out more about what I do and do not want to do. There are options out there for me. In the new year I will continue to try my best, and seek counselling. I hope the new year can bring us all some comfort and joyous moments. Take care 2021.
