Mr. Fisticuffs
I’ve always been an active fat child growing up, but I experienced the occasional bullying from time to time because I’ve always been small, round, wore glasses and a nerd from elementary until Jr. High School. With that being said, I have observed my patience being tested several times within just a quarter of a century and one thing I do have is anger issues. Not only that, but I have always been fake tough and raised in the “not so safe” neighborhoods (both in California and New York). Why am I writing this you may ask … well because this leads to my first fist fight ever. I was 9 years old in the 4th grade living in El Cajon, California. The weather was nice and all the 4th graders were outside for PE (gym). I could feel my neck getting burned because of the scorching hot sun, so I knew it was going to be one hell of gym period, but I was not ready for what was coming. Usually my short ass would be playing ball with my best friend at the time (Dante) because #BallisLife. However, I was in the mood to play dodgeball that gym period (what a dumb dick move). Especially because at the time my mom could only afford cheap ass medicaid glasses, so you know they would get damaged if the ball hit my face. But I accepted the challenge because I wanted to test my dodging skills. So, I’m in the middle of a circle with a group of kids and outside the circle there were a few kids with dodgeballs trying to hit the kids within the circle (that’s how they used to play outside in California for some weird reason). I was doing good. I dodged a few balls PAUSE; got hit a couple of times in the leg; hit a couple of kids, so i could get back in the circle all that good stuff. Then, I get hit on my arm and as I was walking out of the circle to join the squad on the outer circle a tall muh fucka by the name Vince hits me on my stomach with a dodgeball. LOOOOOOOOORRRRDDDDDD he knocked the wind out of me. I mean i held my shit together, but deep down my ass was choking back tears. That ball hit my gut so hard I thought he hit the fat right off my belly and abs were formed. This muh fucka hit me so damn hard i thought a professional pitcher threw that shit and fucked my life. Now this tall fuck Vince is in the circle and ya know I am petty, so I made sure to aim for him. I hit that asshole right in the face and I was like “OUT! HA!!” .. yo when I tell you I was not ready for what happens next, I mean I was not ready. This Jeffrey the Giraffe ass fucker punched me dead in the face. He punched my face so hard he made one of the sides of my glasses fly off, so my glasses were literally sitting sideways *Paul Wall’s voice*. I felt like time froze for a good 2 minutes. I dead ass felt like I was in a movie and I paused the damn thing just to step to the side and observe what the fuck just happened. I had to really collect myself because I had never been in a fist fight before AND this dude was like 5′9-5′10 in the 4th grade. I might as well have been fighting my dad. So, now the whole school yard is looking at me like what I was going to do. I had no choice but to get busy. I ran and jumped with my one-sided glasses, fat rounded looking ass up to his face (looking like the monopoly guy) then superman punched that hoe. All I remembered was me dodging his punches and jumping in the air as I punched him in the face. I was literally Air Jordan homie. No lie he got a few hits in on the side of my face. I came out that fight with broken glasses and a bruised on the right side of my cheek (to this day I have no idea where the fuck the gym teacher was at or any teachers for that matter, but I was glad not to get caught fighting). Oh ya want to know what happened to Vince? Well my boy Dante stopped the fight and soon enough gym was over. When I took a good look at Vince I saw that he actually had a bloody nose and black eye. I looked at Dante and asked “Does this mean I won my first fight, since he has more injuries than I do?”. Dante smiled and said “yup”. We were going to watch a movie in science class for two straight periods, then we were going to be released to go home, so I thought we were in the clear from my teacher noticing that Vince had a bloody nose and black eye. Plus, when I walked into class he had his head down on his desk. I was wrong though. My teacher peeped his face real quick while the movie was playing and took him out of class. BOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYY, was I shitting bricks (more like silently farting out of nerves, but you get the idea). I was scared to get in trouble because I was one of the good students. However, to my surprised he was only sent to the nurses office to get his nose checked then sent back to class with an ice pack for it. After school Dante and I approached Vince and asked what happened and why didn’t he snitch me out. Vince said that he told the teacher he got hit with a basketball to the face by accident during gym (well played). Vince said that he didn’t snitch because he would have been in trouble too for throwing the first punch. Vince and I decided to squash the quick beef we had and we were actually really good friends after that until I moved out of California.
P.S. I got new glasses a week later, so I went a week in school copying off of Dante’s notebook because I was not with the bullshit looking like a fool with one side of my glasses attached. Honestly I don’t think the other side was ever found LOL.