#flash goddess

[gunnerpalace]

Yoruichi 100% also has double-jointed thumbs.

[gunnerpalace]

Yoruichi gains ahoge when she’s being mischievous. 

She also has at least one short strand at the back of her neck that never makes it into her ponytail.

[gunnerpalace]

If you're still accepting writing prompts can you do UraYoru and #5? Please!

It’s like… three years later… but here we are. I hope you still find it of interest and like it after the absurd wait!

1700 words with the prompt “Care to dance?” Yoruichi is wearing her second swimsuit outfit from BBS. I discussed my reasoning for the Urahara Shop having a garden here. The implication is not that Yoruichi assassinated JFK, she just happens to have been in several places throughout history around the times things went down. (In another fic I imagined her as being in Tangier in 1956; “crossing paths with a black cat” writ large and all that.) Kisuke’s computer is from filler but feels very him (it’s probably running Linux because he strikes me as that sort).

Without You By My Side

The sunlight which fell upon the garden courtyard of the Urahara Shop not only carried energy and warmth but almost had a sense of weight to it—a photon rain so fine it almost felt like being submerged in it.

Beneath that omnipresent pressure, Yoruichi shifted on the white pool lounger she was reclined upon. She first drew her legs together, then pushed herself up on her elbows into a sitting position. Sweat beaded down her toned curves as she slid her legs off to one side and by feel alone slipped her feet into the orange flip-flops waiting for her. After she scooted down the side of the lounger and moved into the shade afforded by the parasol that’d been set up, she finally opened her eyes.

There was a small, portable table under the parasol, and on it was a glass that was still frosted from the little bowl of ice it’d been set in. The content of the glass was a pastel but still vibrant green.

Yoruichi wiped the perspiration from her forehead, reached for the glass, and then brought it to her lips to take a hearty swig. She sighed in contentment as she rested her forearm on one of her thighs to cradle the drink in hand. A milk, matcha, and vanilla smoothie really is the best thing in the summer…

She pondered the concoction’s color absentmindedly before taking another gulp. The matter of reapplying sunscreen (as she was in the sun merely to enjoy it) was a foggy notion in the back of her mind that never congealed into anything, as her thoughts were derailed by a clatter and a loud crash emanating from the shop.

With a blink, she turned her attention toward it. “The hell?” She couldn’t perceive any reiatsu from the building, as usual; the gigai that Kisuke and Tessai used made sure of that, and Ururu and Jinta didn’t emit much in their normal states.  She spontaneously recalled that Tessai had been planning to head out with Ururu and Jinta for supplies too. So, the only person it was likely to be was, of course…

Yoruichi was on her feet and maneuvering through the garden in an instant, her drink still in hand yet simultaneously forgotten as she strode purposefully across the stepping stones situated around the koi pond, on her way toward the kirime-en deck and the shōji door beyond. She kicked off her flip-flops as she stepped up onto it.

“Oi,” she called as she entered the shop, looking about.

There was no immediate response.

The sound came from this side… From the dining room she headed for one of the storage areas, to the left.

In a few more steps she was in the main storage room, the door to which had already been open. “Kisuke?”

Her eyes were still adjusting to the rather darker interior of the shop, and for a moment she couldn’t see much.

Then she spotted him, underneath an oversized box that obscured his whole upper body, his legs wiggling about comically from under one side of it.

“Dumbass!” she exclaimed, looking down at the drink in her hand as she suddenly became aware of it again. She quickly glanced about and set it on another box before hurrying over to him.

Yoruichi grabbed hold of the box by the sides and did her immediate best to lift it off him. It was bulky, but not all that heavy given its size, and she picked it up easily enough. She was perplexed by that even as she leveraged it off him and set it to one side.

Kisuke immediately started in, as usual. “How fortunate, I’m saved! An angel has come to my rescue!” He got his hat on again and adjusted it as he looked her up and down. Her white, rainbow-trimmed bikini left little to the imagination even if it wasn’t particularly flashy or revealing; the top in particular provided him with a view of more than a little of the underside of her chest, given his angle.

“Oh, shut up!” she complained, her face contorting into something of a sneer. She glanced him over from where she stood and, finding that he looked no worse for wear, turned and retreated back to her drink. “How did you even wind up in this situation?”

He stood and brushed himself off while respectfully admiring the view. “I was overcome.”

Yoruichi scoffed. “Ha! By a box!?” She took another glug of the smoothie without waiting for his reply. He’d interrupted her leisure time for this?

Kisuke gave a smile and finally turned his attention back to the box in question. He picked one side of it up and started to maneuver it toward the door—and her. “It’s quite the unwieldy specimen.”

She rolled her eyes and turned to watch as he struggled with it. “Don’t expect me to help any more than I already have,” she deadpanned. She had made it very clear—well in advance!—that she’d set this day aside for relaxation.

“Surely observing my labor makes partaking of your treat all the sweeter?” he asked as he dragged the box up alongside her.

Yoruichi’s only response was a dubious stare, but the truth was seeing him struggle did kinda make the smoothie tastier. She took another drink to confirm the matter, following him as he pulled the box along through the shop. Only once she was satisfied that there was indeed something nicer about the smoothie under these circumstances did she speak again. “What’s in the box anyway?”

“Things.”

“Very helpful. Here I was, beginning to think perhaps it was a cube containing the vacuum of space or something.”

Kisuke stopped abruptly and looked up at her in surprise.

“What?” She frowned suspiciously and her tone grew dimmer.

“That’s a great idea,” he said in a hushed voice.

“No.”

“Interplanetary, interstellar, or intergalactic?”

“Kisuke, no.”

He smiled again and continued pulling the box along. “The French once trained fourteen female cats for spaceflight, you know.”

“I am not going into space,” Yoruichi said severely.

“Well, not with an attitude like that. Though I suppose Félicette wasn’t willing either. She did survive! I think you were in Texas in 1963?”

Yoruichi’s expression grew a bit sour and she looked aside, sipping at the smoothie as she abruptly wandered down memory lane. “Don’t remind me.”

“Anyway, there are some parts I need in here,” he finally volunteered.

“Parts for what?” she asked, pushing the memories aside. They’d made their way back through the shop and living room and were heading into a side room Kisuke often used for working on small projects.

“I’m putting the computer back together.”

“Kisuke, I don’t know anything about computers, and even I know that thing is a hunk of junk.” She caught sight of it then: an obsolete-looking, single-unit thing clad in beige plastic. The keyboard and monitor were integrated into a single massive terminal which took up most of the surface area of a chabudai table. It was positively archaic.

“Don’t insult my baby that way,” he said, with what sounded like sincere injury.

Yoruichi stifled her own sense of being offended with another drink. “Your ‘baby’ belongs in a scrapyard,” she asserted instead, pressing the attack.

Kisuke peered at her from under his hat but said nothing, instead bringing the box over to where he needed it.

She moved around the other side of the computer, finding the back of it was open.

He opened the box and set about rifling through it, retrieving various parts and pieces from among its jumbled contents.

Yoruichi watched with studied disinterest until she finished her smoothie, then promptly left for the kitchen to refill her glass.

She sighed wistfully upon opening the fridge as she realized that had been the last of the batch. It was simple enough to make, and she could do it herself, but Tessai always got the ratio of the ingredients perfectly right and they were out of milk to boot. She sadly washed the glass out instead.

She was just finishing when she heard Kisuke laugh from across the building. After setting the glass aside to air dry, she returned to his ad hoc office.

He was sitting in front of the computer, using its absurd trackball to navigate around its interfaces. The GUI, at least, seemed very modern.

Kisuke double-clicked on something and then turned and stood. “It works!”

“Yes, I can see that,” she duly replied.

He moved closer and extended a hand toward her. “Let’s celebrate the occasion. Care to dance?”

She raised an eyebrow at him in confusion.

Right then, a very familiar drum, bass, and guitar section started up, following a 12 bar blues progression.

Yoruichi’s recognition of it was instant, and she blinked before scoffing again. “This song? You’re so s—”

She didn’t have time to finish as Kisuke moved in closer and took her hands in his, starting to move with her just as the lyrics to Queen’s “I Want To Break Free” started.

She glared at him, given the wholly appropriate nature of the lyrics, but grudgingly started to cooperate with him once it became clear he wouldn’t stop.

He smiled at her and began to mouth along with the vocals at, “I’ve fallen in love.”

It was possible to suppress her laugh, but she couldn’t entirely hide her own smile. Defeated, she started to dance with him properly, taking her own turn to mouth the words at, “It’s strange but it’s true,” turning the song into something of a dialogue.

They moved and pretended to sing together until the instruments faded out, ending their dance with a twirl that brought her close to him and left them considering one another in silence.

“You’re so sappy,” she stated, concluding her earlier thought.

“And you’re still very sweaty,” he replied with a smile.

She blinked and glowered, then unhanded him and slugged him in the stomach. She turned without further consideration and headed for the door.

“I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave,” Kisuke managed to wheeze.

Yoruichi flipped him off without looking back as she crossed the threshold. Still, she couldn’t keep a smile off her face as she went to pour herself some water before heading back outside. Idiot…

[gunnerpalace]

Kisuke! I know your bitch-ass knows how electricity works! You’re telling me you don’t know that Yoruichi could turn her fingers, hands, arms, or legs into magical railguns?

She could fire off eight shots at once with just her hands. If you irked her she could do it kamehameha style. If you pissed her off she could throw a projectile up and hold her arms straight and fire it off from between them. And if you really went and screwed up, she could cartwheel up and use her legs. Constant acceleration per unit of rail length!

Forget that peasant Gogo Yubari line in Kill Bill. Give me Yoruichi cutting a man in! two! with a railroad tie and pulverizing a goddamn city block behind him while declaring something super-aggressive like, “Don’t worry, you don’t need a hole to get fucked! I can make my own!” And then cue the old I Am The One meme from Vine.

[gunnerpalace]

I always thought that Yoruichi was more like someone from India, more exact from South India

I don’t dislike the idea that she’s some other ethnicity... it’s just that it really seems to me like Soul Society has zero responsibility over people of non-Japanese origin. 

(One would have to question why the afterlife looks like Heian period Japan if it involves people from all across the world. Or why people from elsewhere would accept it if it did. Like, I cannot imagine people from modern day Montana taking too well to Soul Society, and that’s just the smallest example.)

If we weren’t talking about canon, I think it’d be interesting if (at least some of) her background was Egyptian, Turkish, Arab, Persian, Indian, Indonesian, or anything in between. It’s just that in canon I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be fairly dark-skinned Japanese or Okinawan.

[gunnerpalace]

🔺 Yoruichi

I don’t know that this is an unpopular opinion, per se, but Yoruichi was treated very poorly in the manga and deserved vastly more panel time and attention.

We never got to see most of her backstory. That includes most of her history with Kisuke, Kuukaku, and Tessai. That includes her abilities, whether it be her zanpakutou, shikai or bankai, ability to transform, or ability to do hybrid/fusion states. That includes her parentage or family, or the Shihouin clan in general, and especially their role in Soul Society as, apparently, armorers and soldiers.

Her role was also neglected. Kisuke was Ichigo’s first teacher, and Yoruichi was his second, and that was… pretty much it. Kisuke shunned teaching (e.g., with Chad), claiming he was unsuited for it, but why not Yoruichi? She’s great at at least half of zankensoki. She could’ve given Ichigo the bootleg version of an Academy education.

The fights she was given after fighting Soi Fon and the shunko reveal were all lame. The fight against Yammy was barely a fight as she was burdened by protecting Orihime (the hierro injury was also stupid, to be honest, as it almost never came up again other than with Nnoitra). The fight against Aizen was also barely a fight as he’d already become a bullshit hacker. And the fight against Askin was also bullshit because just like the rest of the four Waffen SS, he could just no-sell abilities for no reason (and she was reduced to fan service during it). She wasn’t allowed to shine.

And that was on top of her randomly being excluded from arcs (e.g., the entire Xcution arc) and being reduced to Kisuke’s gofer half the time that she did appear (going to get Orihime in Karakura so Kisuke could tell her off, gathering the vials in TYBW, etc.)

Even her transformation gimmick got stolen. Like, let’s be super real here: pretty much everything in the Hueco Mundo arc is a cheap copy of Soul Society. Grimmjow = Renji, Dordoni = Ikkaku, Ulquiorra = Byakuya, Nnoitra = Kenpachi, Szayelaporro = Mayuri, and so on. But you even had Nelliel = Yoruichi. “Surprise, the innocent-looking [pet/kid] is actually a really strong and hot woman!” The difference is Yoruichi did a whole lot of useful things in the Soul Society arc, and Nelliel did exactly nothing other than delay Ichigo dying long enough for the actual Kenpachi to show up and murder his cheap copy.

I wanna know what the deal is with her abilities and history. I wanna know about her adventures back in the day. I wanna know what she was up to in the century she spent in the Living World (during WW2 no less, among other things!). I wanna see her have cool fights. (Like, hey, imagine if she’d fought that other cheap Sternritter copy of her, Candice Catnipp.) But we didn’t get any of that. And it was a fucking terrible waste of an interesting and strong character.

And that’s another thing: she is interesting. Another maybe unpopular opinion on her that I have is that most of fandom and the extended universe (e.g., BBS) don’t understand her and kinda treat her like shit too. She’s often presented as very one note: she’s mischievous, or lascivious, and that’s pretty much it. And like, Yoruichi in canon is a pretty complex and nuanced character? She has a lot of emotional range and she pretty clearly has a lot of opinions on things, even if she mostly keeps them to herself. But you’d never know it from the majority of how other people write her, where she’s usually just a prankster with a generous helping of tits and ass. (On that note, I do prefer her later look, but she was originally much more lithe; Kubo’s insistence on focusing on busts didn’t solely happen to Orihime.) In short, she’s so much more than just a sexpot.

This is probably unpopular, but I often get tired of how she’s shipped too, whether in canon or in AUs. I go back and forth on liking putting her with Kisuke in large part precisely because I don’t like how in canon she comes across as so deferential to him. A lot of the time she just seems to take orders from him, and it’s like, if anything she outranks him; when we see them interact in TBTP, it’s exactly reversed, with her clearly in charge, so what the hell happened there? Likewise, sometimes Soi Fon’s constantly overwritten obsession with her comes off as kind of gross. I occasionally feel like she’s too good for either of them, to be quite honest. And I despise when people put her with someone like Grimmjow, especially on the basis of something weak like, “They’re both cat-like.” (I’m going off topic, but I’m almost 100% of the mindset Grimmjow shouldn’t be shipped with anyone, period. Except maybe death, like Deadpool is.)

I mentioned this already, but in addition to having seen her train Ichigo, I think she should’ve gotten time with Rukia. In canon I can see this taking a number of forms depending on how you want to run with it: best friend, big sister, or surrogate mom. They have some similar personality quirks and attributes (fixation on a particular kind of animal, a bit mischievous and playful, tomboyish attitudes but still clearly feminine, etc.), and they have similar social stations as members of great noble houses. Like, pretty much no one in Bleach is allowed to be friends and just hang out, but I don’t think Rukia and Yoruichi even exchanged words in the whole manga, and that’s a crying shame. (But also just another one on a very large list of them.)

[hinduthatrecallsallincarnations]

Yoruichi's Necklace

Ichigo: "Cool necklace, Yoruichi. Who gave it to you?"

Yoruichi: "Ah, this?" *fingers the necklace and smiles* "Kisuke got it for me for our anniversary."

Ichigo: "Cool. Where'd he buy it?"

Yoruichi: "Pet Smart."

Ichigo: "What?"

Yoruichi: "You heard me~"

[gunnerpalace]

Megahouse Yoruichi is fresh off the plane from the southern shores of Lake Biwa in Japan, and she is gorgeous. (I'm also low-key superstitious that getting her appeased the fates and helped me get TYBW Yoruichi in BBS.)

Unfortunately, because she's so on-model to the production photos, and for various other reasons, I've become about 99% convinced that my Megahouse Rukia is a counterfeit. So, I'm going to have to try and get an authentic one sometime soon.

Still, very happy!