HTRAI

I am the most majestic man. Also, I'm not really Hindu, it's just a title. I ship Jaune with ALMOST every female RWBY character.

[wackom]

The Beast that Bothers

[notmaplemable]

Jaune: You know, I went to jail once.

Yang: Really?

Jaune: Yeah. I stayed up really late one night.

Yang: That's not illegal.

Jaune: That's what I thought, but they said I was resisting a rest.

Yang: ...

Yang: *suddenly topless*

[superiorsturgeon]

Pyrrha: …so, I’ve heard that you know about doing…naughty things…*anxiously fidgeting*

Blake: That depends on what you’ve heard.

Pyrrha: I want to k-know how to…how to…p-p-please my boyfriend…😖

Blake: Hm…since you’re my friend, I’ll be teach you what I know.

Later…

Jaune: 😵

Ren: *doing CPR*

Nora: Fearless leader, please don’t die! 😭

Pyrrha: I’m so sorry! 😭

Blake: *writing in her notebook* Apparently with the right amount of strength, it’s possible to actually suck someone’s soul out through their dick!

[superiorsturgeon]

Jaune: Blake, I need your help with Pyrrha.

Jaune: She’s so much hotter and cooler than me that I’m worried I won’t be able to satisfy her…

Jaune: …you know what I mean? 😣

Blake: Sorry, but no. The last time I gave anyone bedroom advice a friend got hurt.

(See this post for context!)

Jaune: *sets a gift card for all-you-can-eat sushi bar on the table in front of her*

Blake: …

Blake: *pockets the card* Okay, so we’ll start with technique. Let me see your tongue!

——————————————————————

Pyrrha: *lying in a hospital bed wearing a back brace* 😵‍💫

Jaune: *at her bedside* 😢 Please forgive me! I wish I’d known!

Ren: I wish our team could go more than a week without having to visit the nurse for sex injuries.

Nora: And I wish I knew where Jaune and Pyrrha keep getting their over-the-top sex instructions!

Blake: *peeking in from the hallway and jotting down notes* Apparently, it’s also possible for someone to literally blow someone’s back out during sex!

[hellenhighwater]

Gonna get myself a fun little surprise I guess

[hellenhighwater]

This is better than I'd ever hoped for, I bet a rat could kill you with that thing by firing a laser back in time and electrocuting your grandfather

Just look at this thing

[hellenhighwater]

The rat gun is hereeeeee!

[hellenhighwater]

This is getting notes again so I will admit that "rat gun" was an autocorrect error and it was supposed to be "ray gun."

But it'll always be a rat gun to me.

[hellenhighwater]

The most expensive thing in these pictures was the cat, and he was $60.

[the-grollican]

ill take him for 65

[headlamprey]

OKAY ANNNND 65 WE HAVE 65, DO I HEAR 70? 70 ANYBODY?

[hellenhighwater]

You auction Vice??? You sell Vice for money??? JAIL!! ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!!

[the-haiku-bot]

You auction Vice??? You

sell Vice for money??? JAIL!! ONE

MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[nat-20s]

*survives the horrors by being such a silly goofy guy that my presence fundamentally changes the genre*

[trollprincess]

[etirabys]

new heights of extraversion - was at an airport, saw some guys repairing these friction lines, went up to them and asked questions

the lines turn out to be called 'grip strip' and they are using a 'putty knife' and a 'margin trowel' to apply it. The mixture will dry in 15m. Before it dries they also have to sprinkle sand on top and press in with the knife/trowel.

I was writing this down in a notebook, and they asked me what for, and I told them I'm sick of not knowing the words for things. Sometimes it feels like I don't know the words for anything! I've read so many words without ever mapping them to the physical things they corresponded to.

I'm going through the corridor that's outside of the airport building and leads into the airplane, I don't know what it's called either (edit: just asked the flight attendant, it's called a jet bridge)

There's yellow and black angled striped tape on the sides of the floor of the jet bridge, and I don't know why THAT'S there or what it's called. (edit: kind online people have informed me this is "hazard tape" / "hazard stripes" / "safety tape", and the general class is called "barricade tape".)

[alexaloraetheris]

That feeling when you're so extroverted you become an anthropologist.

[hinduthatrecallsallincarnations]

Jaune: "Are you telling me you didn't like the cake?"

Raven: "It was absolutely too sweet and I hate it."

Jaune: "Then why did you eat the entire cake?"

[hinduthatrecallsallincarnations]

"Weiss said it's my turn on the XBox."

"...why are you using Weiss as an authority figure?"

"Because you're a SIMP and it WORKS!"

[arc-misadventures]

Temptation

Officer Yang Xiao Long on the job:

Jaune: …

Jaune: I have a strong urge to commit a crime now…

[idrownfishes0-deactivated202310]

Awkward

Yang: "How did last night go with Jaune? Was it bad? Do I have to punch him?"

Ruby, holding one of Qrow's liquor bottles: "So uh, the date went well." *pops it open*

Yang: "Uh-huh?"

Ruby: "We got back to his room. All our clothes came off, he asked if I was sure I was ready to make this happen."

Yang: "Yeah, and?"

Ruby: "I saluted him and said 'Aye-aye Cap'n!'"

Yang: .

Ruby: *takes a big swig* "And that's the story of why I'm still a virgin and also drinking."

[howlingday]

Ren: Did it happen?

Jaune: No. (Sighs, Pops out a cigarette) Got a light?

Ren: (Hands Jaune a match) I didn't know you smoked.

Jaune: (Takes it) After losing a girl like her, I might as well.

Ren: What happened?

Jaune: I took her upstairs, we got naked, and I asked her, "Are you ready?"

Ren: And what did she say?

Jaune: (Strikes the match) "Aye-aye, Captain!"

Ren: And what did you say?

Jaune: (Lights the cigarrete) Before I could get closer and say "I cant hear you," she grabbed her clothes and ran out.

Ren: I see.

Jaune: Yeah, so, that's why I'm smoking. (Takes a long drag, Coughs up smoke hard) And also a virgin.

[beardedmrbean]

Michaelsthulhu

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[hinduthatrecallsallincarnations]

I love him.

[hinduthatrecallsallincarnations]

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

Yang: "What the hell happened to your hair, Jaune?"

Jaune: "What the hell happened to your tits, Yang?"

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

[arcadecutie]

Visit Original Link

[anem0nesiac-deactivated20231104]

[srpelo-deactivated20181203]

You get close to read The Attractions Sign

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

yeah fuck yeah my fuck hell yea the hell fuck cool yes

[foolish-pyrite]

Oh yeah!

[razorblade180]

Smarter, not harder

Ilia:*opens door*

Sun:*holding bags* Chocolate prices are officially back to normal.

Ilia:*smiles* Hell yeah.

xxxx

Neptune:Hey gu- what is happening?

Ilia:*eating chocolate* I don’t always call Sun smart but this is easily a brilliant move to get gourmet chocolate for cheaper. Just wait for Valentine’s Day stuff to die out!

Neptune:That’s all fine and dandy unless you’re with a person who expects a gift on the day.

Sun:Why do people spend money to buy marked up prices on chocolate in a heart shaped when the tub of ice cream and non holiday desserts are still on sale in the back of the store?

Neptune:…You couldn’t have asked me that like a week ago?

[tvandfilmconfessions]

[blackbirds-fallen-angel]

This. All of this.

[arc-misadventures]

A White Top Hat With Red Stripes

Jaune: I hate it.

Ruby: So, do I.

Weiss: Wha… What’s wrong with it?

Jaune: Well… For starters; Its a white top hat with red stripes.

Ruby: Yes, tis a very odd hat colour pallet… Most distracting.

Weiss: Hey, I think I look good in it!

Ruby: You look prefect in it!

Jaune: Fantastic, it totally suits you; That’s why we hate it!

Ruby: It would look ungodly on me, or Jaune. But, it looks perfect on you, why?!

Weiss: Because I’m, Weiss Schnee…?

Ruby: That’s not a reason, that’s a statement of fact!

Jaune: Why are you even wearing it at that, you may have grown up from a background where such apparel is common and fitting for ones class.

Ruby: A pompous and stuck up background…

Weiss: Hey!

Jaune: But, why are you wearing it, something like this isn’t your style.

Weiss: Style?

Ruby: You look like a lollipop.

Weiss: First off, rude. Second, this is part of my costume for the costume party’s. I thought, since we’re a couple we could go as that one from that children book; the uhh… ‘The Kitty in the Cap?’

Ruby: ‘The Cat in the Hat…?’

Weiss: Yeah, that one!

Ruby: How did you not know that? It’s like, one of the sellers of children books, ever?!

Jaune: Ruby, do remember, Weiss’s background. And marvel that she was at least this close…

Ruby: Fair… Fair… So if your the cat, what are we?

Weiss: I got you two a matching costume, they’re in those bags over there.

Ruby: Eh, you did? Eh? It’s a red sweater… Aww… We’re gonna be thing 1 and 2…

Jaune: Uhh… I’m not so sure about that, Rubes…

Ruby: Eh? What do you…?! ‘Idiot 1 and 2?!’ Why am I number two?!

Jaune: You’re priorities are certainly in order, Ruby…

Weiss: I don’t see the issue here; Thing 1, and 2. Idiot 1, and 2. What’s the difference with you two?

Jaune: Ouch…

Ruby: Betrayed by my own girlfriend, how cruel…

Weiss: Oh, quit whinny and get ready. The party is in an hour, so you don’t have time to get something else.

Jaune: Fine, we’ll do it, but on one condition!

Ruby: We will?!

Jaune; Next time, we’ll do, Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. I’ll be Willy Wonka, and…

Ruby: I can be, Charlie!

Weiss: And what will I be, Varuca… Whatever her name is?

Jaune: No, you’ll be an, Oompa Lumpa.

Weiss: An Ommpa Lumpa…? Jaune, do your really think you can get my long hair into a little spike like that?

Jaune: No, wouldn’t dream of it.

Weiss: See, its a stupid idea…

Jaune: So, because of that you’ll be the one with the orange skin…

Weiss: Eh…?

Ruby: The one with the green hair?!

Jaune: Yes, the one with the bright, shiny green hair~!

Weiss: No… No! NOOOO!!!

///

Tis but a shit post of my sleep deprived mind.

Do enjoy.