Yes, I’m still on hiatus and I’m kind of breaking my rule by posting this and doing what I’m about to do...BUT this is a notable exception.
Today is the 2nd year anniversary of “The Fear of Failing” vlog, which many of you may know is one of my favorite videos.
It also just so happens to be the first night of Sean’s tour, which I think is a pretty fucking coincidental thing to occur.
Almost like a sign....so with that in mind:
I was wondering if you guys wanted to do another FOFParty this year?
I can’t really objectively say whether last year’s was a success or not since I’m heavily biased, but fuck it, I still love this video (and the sequel) and Sean’s tour is this weekend, so WE ARE DOING IT AGAIN.
It’s not going to be a surprise either this time since....well, what’s the point lol.
Okay, so here’s the deets:
It’s going to be THIS WEEKEND, Saturday the 30th and Sunday Oct 1st (yes, this soon because I just had exams this week and literally had no time until now sorry).
The time? Whenever you want. I know last year I was like “at this time do this”, but that’s because it was going to be a surprise for Sean. Now that it’s not, it can way more free and open, which is why it’s going to be the whole weekend.
The theme this year is How Did We Get Here?. Yes, it’s the name of his tour, but that’s the point. I think it’s a good opportunity to reflect on how we all got to this point in our lives or how we got into this community, how it’s helped us, etc.
I think what is going to be cool this year is if you participated last year, I want you to look at what you posted then and see what has or hasn’t changed in the year since. Compare-- did you do what you set out to? Are you happy with where you are? Do you still feel the same about the channel and the community? I don’t know, I think it’ll be interesting.
Things can be freeform: there’s no template or set way to do things. Express yourself how you like, but first ask yourself this: How did you get here? Do you like where you are? What do you think has made Sean get to where he is? (if you want)
I hope I explained this well enough. Just send me an ask if there’s any confusion.
The most important thing: if you think this is a good idea, please interact with this post (like/reblog/comment/anything) because I need to know if this is something people want to participate in. If not, then we can pretend this post never happened, and I will return to my dark hole.
If so, then I will be somewhat active this weekend.....lurking.....
please never give up! failure is like a flower it might bloom and give sadness or it might wither and die away. if you can't handle things, feel depressed, please never consider suicide or harm. as people have said "the pain is just temporary, but suicide is permanent". the JSE community is a community that has the love of a normal family and has hope shining through their roof. i am part of this community, it has its flaws but what is a community without flaws? the fofparty hashtag might help you people with depression, anxiety, or just anything, please vent out your anger about failing. but please don't consider suicide in any other way, please don't you are needed in this world.
So, I'm a little late to the fofparty. But my name is Hannah and
I found the JSE channel a couple months ago and I was in a bad spot.
Now, I'm your typical success story, I was depressed, cutting and I had no one to turn too.
I found solace in Jack's channel. It helped me get through the days and eventually it got better, a lot better. You guys changed me for the better.
You inspired me to draw and throw away my razors and remain clean!
I haven't cut in 2 mouths and I don't plan to go back to it. I know 2 months isn't that long, but it's the longest I've ever been and it's getting longer every day!
I also know it’s weird to put something like drawing along with throwing away my razors but to me it’s really important because I hadn’t drawn in years!
At first, I thought he was just an entertainer, "A really funny guy."
But as I started watching more of his videos and vlogs, I realized Jacksepticeye is more than an entertainer. He's a friend.
Someone I could relate and talk to. Even if I've never met him.
Everyone I've met in the community, is so nice! The first time I made a post on Tumblr someone rebloged it! It made my day!
There's a lot of ways that this community is amazing and unlike any other. It blows my mind.
I know that a lot of other people have the same story as me, but to me the channel has been one of the most important and influential experiences of my life.
Because for the first time in almost 3 years, I am truly having a blast and I am really happy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who's a part of this community and thank you Jack.
P.S. I apologise for any grammer or punctuation mistakes, I just wanted to get it out in all its poorly written glory! :)
A lot of thoughts have been going through my head for the past 24 hours, and I need to get some things off my chest about this past weekend (and this will be the last time I mention it, I’m sorry). So...
Ever have a period of time in your life that, when you look back on it, doesn’t feel like you were the one who lived it? That, upon recollection, it was like you were spectating someone else, and your body was just going through the motions like a puppet? And now you’re asking yourself, “Why did I do that?”
“How could I have done that?”
Well then..
(I’m putting this under a cut because it’s very long, click if you want)
First, I do not want to take anything away from everyone who posted about the fofparty (I know, I know, “stop fucking talking about the fofparty, we get it”), but I have some final thoughts about this. I shouldn’t have come up with this grand idea in the first place. Someone else should have, they would have handled this so much better.
The weeks leading up to it, when I was really gung-ho about it, I had this tunnel-vision-- all I saw was what my initial intent was and not much else. I didn’t calculate what other things might arise from this, what the complications would be, if it’s even something that should be done in the first place, all bias aside. All I had was “I’m going to do a thing” running through my head, and at the time, that’s all I thought I needed-- pure commitment was certainly enough justification. How stupid. Tunnel-vision is a form of blindness, you know.
It all boils down to one thing, and I’ve hesitated mentioning this before, but by the end of this post maybe it’ll make more sense: I wanted to stop feeling like I wasn’t doing enough.
The irony.
When Saturday and all the craziness happened, I got overwhelmed. Like really overwhelmed. I couldn’t process anything, I felt frozen. I had no idea what was happening.
Then yesterday, I watched the vlog. It took me a while to bring myself to press play, but I watched it. It was a really great video (up there with the original), and I appreciated so much that Sean felt comfortable enough still to talk so openly with us about what’s going on with him.
Then it hit me why I felt so uneasy and terrible about the whole thing.
First, I just thought that it was some form of cognitive dissonance I was experiencing-- the inability to reconcile me “doing a good thing” with me knowing that I am not capable of something like that. Two cogs that couldn’t fit together. So I couldn’t process it.
That’s too easy though.
I feel guilty and regretful. Not about bringing up a vlog that got Sean to think because, at least if I’m interpreting the video correctly, it seemed to be a good thing. Not that it’s all sunshine and daisies now, but reflection, even if it leads to a realization that you’ve disappointed yourself, can be a healthy thing to do.
No, I feel guilty and regretful about everything else.
Sure, you can thank me for the idea or whatever, but if it’s because of all the “good” it did, then you don’t have to bother. That wasn’t me. That was you.
If you’re thinking that this was an idea that was too narrowed and didn’t really address everything properly, then please give me all credit you want because that’s my fault.
I completely forgot that if you bring up a vlog titled “The Fear of Failing”, people are going to, shockingly, talk about the actual fear of failure. For some reason, I didn’t think of that. I have no idea how I missed that, but I did.
Tunnel-vision.
I was so focused on Sean’s specific application of his fear of failing and how it related to him and the channel and to us as a part of the channel (the point of the original vlog essentially), stupidly forgetting to take into account everyone else’s own manifestations of it, including my own, that exist outside of the realm of YouTube. It wasn’t until I read people’s posts that made me realize that I opened a much larger can of worms than I intended. I wasn’t prepared for that.
I hate when things don’t go the way I plan them to, especially if it’s turns out worse.
I messed up and disappointed myself.
Again, the irony.
I’ve always thought that a lot of topics aren’t as fleshed out as they should be when they are discussed online. That for every post/video/whatever about something, there’s another facet that was neglected or not taken into consideration. Not that it was deliberately left out, maybe those people weren’t aware of it or forgot about it or some other reason. That’s fine, but it’s also why I tend to not talk about things too much. Unless I’m actively talking about something in person in a discussion format, where it’s not just me typing a post and then leaving it, I have a constant fear that I’ll accidentally leave something important out or neglect to consider an integral facet of the topic that I would have included if I wasn’t online. I don’t want something to be understood incorrectly or incompletely.
And that’s exactly what happened this weekend.
Had I known that this would turn into a deep discussion on the actual fear of failure, in any capacity, I would have not done this.
Don’t get me wrong, I still would have tried to do something to surprise Sean about the anniversary of the vlog, because I meant what I said about what that vlog means to me and the reasoning I had to do this, but I would have done it in a much smaller capacity that I could handle. Not this.
What should have a been a huge warning sign that this was not the best thing to do was the dilemma I came upon when I was planning everything.
In my first draft of the questions I wrote that people could answer if they wanted to for the fofparty, I had the question:
“Has Jack ever disappointed you? If so, what happened? Do you think either of you have grown from it?”
(I still have that saved in my drafts, I should probably delete it)
I wrote that because I didn’t want this to turn into a praise-fest where we just censor ourselves and say only extremely positive things because we wanted to make sure he doesn’t feel bad. That isn’t to say I wanted people to deliberately make him feel bad, but he’s said before that he wants this relationship with us to be real, and that includes the moments where we maybe didn’t have the most positive feelings towards him and providing constructive criticism and also reflecting on how in the past he has taken constructive criticism and learned from it. Or maybe the person themselves needed to grow. It depends. Either way, I thought that would work-- showing that even with these “setbacks”, the relationship we have with him is still strong, maybe even stronger than before, and not permanently weakened by it-- but I have trouble explaining things properly.
I wanted people to be honest and express if they did think he has ever disappointed them because failing or disappointing someone is not permanent. You can make it permanent by handling it poorly, but it can be temporary. It all depends on how you respond to it, which is why I added the follow-up of whether they thought he's changed since then.
Unfortunately, with the way Sean has previously used those terms, it can be argued that to him, he means a much more permanent form of failure and disappointment that leads to us flat-out abandoning him. There is nothing wrong with that (well.....that’s not the point right now), I have that type of thinking as well, but knowing that, I did not feel comfortable providing the opportunity for a giant miscommunication to occur where a bunch people talk about the ways Sean disappointed them and have him think that he failed everyone for good, even though he hasn’t. I did not want that to happen.
I wanted this to be a positive thing, not a time to dig up things from the past and reopen wounds. Looking back, the overall idea I had for the “party” (why did I call it that...) didn’t fit well with a large group of people participating in it.
Assuming that a mass number of people would interpret something the same way you do is the main road to disaster.
All things considered, it just seemed like a really bad idea.
So I decided to not include that question.
In doing so, though, I inadvertently made it seem like having a fear of failing was a good thing because actually failing was a hole with no exit, so the fear of it was just something to be mediated. That’s not the case, but it feels like this whole thing was a promotion for it....I’m so stupid.
I didn’t mean that at all.
Tunnel-vision.
All I did was open a floodgate for the exact type of discussion I don’t like taking part in...it gets worse the more I think about it. It’s amazing that people have opened up about their own stories (again, I do not want to take anything away from that at all, that’s not what this is about), but as the person who instigated it, I feel so respon--scratch that-- I am responsible for the fact that this very broad and deep topic was not given a thorough review. I fear that in the end it didn’t do anything except provide incomplete information about an obstacle a lot of people deal with, so it didn’t actually help anyone, including Sean.
I feel terrible, and for that, I am so sorry.
While the posts I made about the fofparty were true and things I do believe, I fell into my own trap and didn’t discuss it as completely as I should have or wanted to myself. Hell, I don’t think I even explained this whole post as well as I should have.
Yes, hindsight is 20/20, but the memory is still there.
I am so passionate about these subjects, and to know that I completely failed to give it the proper treatment it deserves is not something I take lightly.
I’m writing this as an apology, not to try to provide excuses for why this all went wrong. Knowing that I have given off the wrong impression for a topic I care a lot about is going to be a tough pill to swallow, but hopefully you guys can forgive me.
I know i'm late but i wanted to write it anyway.
How did you find the channel? I saw people talking about "Life Is Strange". They were so excited so I thought it might be cool game. I watched first episode on PewDiePie channel but his voice was so annoying for me. I absolutely fell in love with this game but i couldn't stand Felix talking. Don't get me wrong. I like Felix as a person. He's cool. But his voice drives me insane. I'm not able to listen to him more than 10 minutes. The rest episodes i watched on Jack's channel. All in one night.
What makes you continue watching the channel/why are you still in the community? The funny thing is that i don't like computer games in general. There are some exceptions but, yeah... After i finished "Life is Strange" i didn't watch anything else in a while. The last decision Jack made pissing me off everytime. I couldn't think about anything else except that game. Then i thought: "Maybe he played more games like this. He's seems to be nice guy" and i started to watching his videos constantly. It was 7 months ago. I stayed because of Jack. He's like a sunshine in a cloudy day that putting smile on my face everyday. He's the reason that i stopped self harming. The positivity he's spreading around giving me the power to fight, to don't give up. He's the nicest, the most caring, the most gentle person i "met" in my entire life. I truly mean it.
What are your favorite videos? (vlog, series, independant vid) and what do they mean to you? I'll say "Life Is Strange" is my favourite, not only because i really like the story but also because it was first game i saw on Jack's channel. I'm very sentimental person so it will always have a special place in my heart . There are a lot of videos i absolutely love. Those kind of games like "That Dragon Cancer" or "Presentable Liberty", which talking about serious topics for example. When Jack talking about those things i feel like he truly understand. I feel way less lonely. I feel like i'm part of something. I feel like there is somebody who care.
Where were you a year ago? Did the channel help you get to where you are now? If so, how? A year ago i didn't know the channel. Last autumn wasn't a good time for me. It was pretty shit actually. The channel help me change my thinking. I'm not letting my thoughts consume me as i used to. Even if i have bad time i try my best to stay positive. I used to think that nobody will care if i hurt myself or die. Now i know that it's not true. That there are people who care. Also i found my passion again which is drawing. Maybe my skills are not the best but i love doing it.
Anything you’ve always wanted to say but haven’t? I'm not talkative. I'm shy, antisocial and i might not say it right to you but you are - the community - you are so,so nice and i really love you all.
Thanks to @therealjacksepticeye who did a vlog commemorating his vlog from last year on the Fear of Failure, I now know what I’ll be doing for my next speech in Toastmasters: Youtubers and Soldiers sharing a responsibility to others.
What I mean by this is that as a soldier I have a responsibility to the people of my country and those in need of help. Every time I go out in uniform for whatever purpose (most likely to get food for lunch when I’m on orders or at drill), I get a lot of people that come up to me that thank me for my service. I still don’t feel deserving of that phrase because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything worth that phrase. I’m just doing my job. But it’s what the uniform represents that people thank me for. They connect with me on some level through either their own service or a family member’s service. I’ve been in parades and almost treated like a celebrity. A role model. Someone to look up to.
If I fail, I let a lot of people down.
Now to Jack. He feels like if he fails he’ll let EVERYONE in the community down. He has 12.3 million subscribers right now and it is still on the rise. I can understand the pressure on him to succeed and be a role model. We’ve both inspired a lot of people and helped a lot of people through their grievances. We represent a possibility of hope and happiness.
If we fail we let people down. But I can also say from a personal note:
IF YOU FOCUS TOO MUCH ON THE FEAR OF FAILING, IT WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL.
I failed so hard, at trying so hard, that I let myself down, and I disappointed a lot of people believing in me. That night I cried so hard I thought that I couldn’t continue on with anything. I stand here today more focused than ever to make things right again.
Just remember @therealjacksepticeye or @markiplier, that your efforts in helping the global community are recognized and helpful. DON’T give up, DON’T be afraid, and stand strong. We got your back.
oh hi, I hope it’s not too late to join the party *rolls up with party poppers and balloons while wearing a diamond top hat* but I just saw this and I wanted to make my contribution, it’s currently like 4am here and I’ve had awful toothache keeping me awake, I’ve got to that point where I’m just over tired and that’s usually when these deep ass thoughts come out so here we are.
I guess I should start with my fear of failing. At around this time last year I was attending law school, simply because I felt as if everyone in my family thought I was a failure, and I wanted to give them a reason not to think that. I applied to a university to study film making, but once I’d applied they said that because I didn’t have the right school grades or a previous degree that I needed to do something else first to get a degree so I could do the course that I wanted.
So the university sent me to the law school that they had there, they said once I did a year I’d get an honours in law and then I could apply again for film making, but because it was a different area of the university it wasn’t guaranteed I’d get onto that course, whereas if I wanted to do law I’d have a definite place for another three years, but that’s not what I wanted to do haha.
After a few months at law school I started to get very overwhelmed, the work load was insane and it was really hard. I realised I was in over my head and I couldn’t take the pressure, I worked as hard as I could, I was always studying and writing random essays just to stay on top, I basically made it my life, but it wasn’t because I was interested in law, I had no interest in it whatsoever, the reason that I worked so hard at it was because I didn’t want to disappoint my family, I didn’t want to give them another reason to see me as a failure. So I worked myself silly just to make them proud. After a while, I started thinking a lot more about it and my future and everything. Once the stress of uni really started to set in I couldn’t handle it, I had break downs where I’d have to leave the lecture hall to go into the bathroom and I’d literally spend five minutes in there crying my eyes out because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to fail because of my family, but if I carried on there any longer I didn’t know what would happen to me. I thought really hard about it, and I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. Law did not interest me, the filmmaking thing did for a while, but to me that’s more of a hobby over what I really want to do in life.
So I made the difficult decision to quit, I couldn’t continue there, it was too much and I was getting stressed over something I had no interest in. I don’t regret my decision to quit though, nor do I regret being there since I worked hard and hey, at least I had a shot at being at university right? What I regret is what I did next; I lied to my family and told them I was still going. I KNOW IT’S AWFUL. You should never lie to anyone, let alone your parents. I would get up super early in the morning and just go out somewhere for the day to make it seem as if I was still attending. I felt awful about it, but I was so scared of telling them that I’d quit I didn’t know what to do, at the time I felt it was my only option, but looking back now I know I should have just told them the truth. I did tell them the truth eventually, my mum was okay because she knew it wasn’t what I wanted somehow, my dad was really upset though. He shouted at me and told me I never stick to anything and that’s why I fail a lot, that was really upsetting.
But I explained to him it wasn’t what I wanted to do, and that you can not have a degree at all under your belt and still be successful. He seemed to understand after that. Since then, I’m not sure I have the fear of failing anymore. I mean sure, it will more than likely come back at some point I mean we’re all human and that’s a genuine human fear that we all have about something, but it taught me that even if you’re scared of failing, you shouldn’t let it stop you from doing what you really want to do in life. Sure, I wasn’t doing what I really wanted to do BUT I realised that I could be, if I was brave enough.
When I saw Jack’s video last year, I realised that I’m not alone, many other people have this same fear (as I said it’s a genuine human fear) and it helped me somewhat, to know that there are people who know what I’m going through. I’ve been watching Jack’s videos since about June last year, and I’ve never known someone so genuine with such a kind hearted and welcoming fan base behind them.
You should know that during the night I am prone to panic attacks, and I discovered last summer that having Jack on in the background while I sleep really helps to calm me, I thought maybe it was just having background noise, but I’ve tried other things, music, movies, scrubs haha, but none of it works, for some reason it’s only Jack. Lately it’s been Fran Bow that I have on, not sure why that helps I mean that game is freaky 😂 but yeah it really does, and he helps me feel a lot less lonely too.
This is pretty long now so I’m just gonna wrap it up by saying that I suppose I have a lot to thank Jack for, he helped me to realise that I am not alone in this world, and he keeps me calm during the night, also he makes me feel like I have a friend who is always there, so thank you Jack, for all of this and much more :)
