I am now going to explain for once and for all my “situationships” if we can even call them that.
(This is for recall purposes only (I hate explaining this over and over))
Met when I was 13. He was 15 going on 16. We became SUPER TIGHT. And when I turned like 15 a little before. Things got like weird. I had feelings bc I never had any male attention ever. No one has ever liked me romantically and I am a hopeless romantic. He might’ve had feelings we still don’t know. But some light sexting started (MIND YOU were were church friends) (I have 1 community (as I was homeschooled) and it was my church, I couldn’t ask for anything better I hate public school. I was also a lot of a people pleaser and would do anything to make the one person i emotionally attach myself to happy, thus my downfall)
Side note: this was like super toxic bc he would do that “manipulation tactic thing” that you like, give so much attention for like a week and the next week you give NOTHING then leave the person missing that and come back to the attention and do that a few times and eventually you have a person like 14 y/o me, wrapped around your finger. Watch out kids
And all while that he would also tell me how I didn’t need anyone else. (Bc those other girls at my church were mean as hell to me when we were younger) I just needed him and that’s all the friends I needed. Everyone else is toxic. Etc etc. AND on top of that. HELLA mixed signals. One say it’s like, how would we be as parents? If we were that last 2 people on earth we would have the best smoosh (iykyk) then the next week, omg this girl at my school. true phycological manipulation
I had never had my first kiss, mentioned this to him and was like, hey I could be ur first. So bc i was an idiot, I said yes and before our small group together I kissed him and it was horrible. His braces cut my lip and I’m not even joking it scared and it could’ve only been Jesus who made sure it stayed to remind me to guard my heart.
My parents find out, I can’t talk to him anymore till 2 months later we reconnect (we’re in the same church and I’m emotionally attached what am I gonna do?) and we sext even WORSE. Fast forward crazy conversations and it’s his a bit after his 18th, I’m 15 and he asks as a birthday present: can I see ur 🍒. And reluctantly I did, on ft and I’ll never know if he ss. I kept saying how I didn’t want to and he begged and begged and I caved. Sigh js writing this feels wrong.
The next day I flew to Mexico ok family vacation and he ghosted me. Yay.
I come home and the church mean girl (we’re good friends now) who he knew was rude to me and we would dog on her all the time on ft, HE WAS DATING HER NOW. A true betrayal to younger me. And I broke down and hated this man. Blocked him and all that.
Later ok I did forgive him but wow that scared me.
And during this time, the hero of you will, my childhood and still best friend: Victor
Me and Victor have known each other since I was six and him 8. We have been inseparable since🙂↕️
And my parish has picked up on this (when we were like, 10+12) and decided, these two must marry. Bc a boy and girl can’t be best friends through shared interest of the MCU and music. Sigh- and I’ve had feelings for him (see Sam’s 1st paragraph) but for most of the time it’s been platonic. He has his own problems (mostly his lack of interest in love. He wants to get married but Is 100% a need (affectionate) and says school is more important rn (mind you: graduated hs with 25 college credits and is going to get his MASTERS in biomedical chemical engineering and medical engineering in THREE YEARS) which isn’t a horrible idea. But like, he unfortunately is no one in our community’s type (he would only date in our church) and has never been liked by anyone other than me ever. So we’re in the same boat.
We are adults now (kinda) (IM 18 CHILL) and ever since thanksgiving, things have been… flirty? Thanksgiving was at my house, first time we spent a major holiday together. (My parents are introverts 😔) and I had an “intervention” for him as to why he won’t shoot literally any shot ever. And so I asked his type and he described me (😃🔫). Actually earlier that year we went to Watkins Glen together, and we made a pact if we’re 32 and not married w no prospect we get married and reap the benefits. As we were sure chemical engineers have better insurance than Journalists. Then things have again since been flirty. Whenever we do worship it must always be together. And this year (fast forwarding a bit) at Glen we were like a MARRIED COUPLE.
And here’s a cute Glen story: at the pitwalk. I was talking abt how much I wanna work in F1 and do media etc etc, and he was like, I could probably work in F1 with my degree. And I was like yeah. And he was like we could work together! 😃 <- the face he made.
Then I was like it would be hard to work in the same team lol. And he was like, you could work at Ferrari and I at like Red Bull (THIS MAN KNOWS THAT I DONT SHUT UP ABT THE ROMEO AND JULLIETNESS OF FERRARI AND RB AND LESSTAPPEN AND ALL OF THAT AND HOW THEYRE DESTINED LOVERS- AND AGTER HE SAID THAT HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE INNOCENT BUT KNOWING UGH. Then he has the audacity to be like
or we could work on the same team, at like McLaren, like Landoscar
I was genuinely at a loss for words. Bc the truth is. We are very landoscar coded. The eye contact, the flirting, the him being kinda introverted and stoic but less like that ONLY around me. And me being head over heels excited, a curly head who also has crippling anxiety.
So yeah that’s it guys. Maybe I’ll update this for record keeping idk.
