#for years...

[tosbestospoisoning]

I really feel like my obsession over ships and fanfiction comes, at least in part from my own difficulties with romance.

I have been out as queer for most of my life because I'm lucky to have such a respectful family, and yet I still really struggle with labeling myself as aromantic or arospec. A lot of the stress comes from not entirely knowing if what I'm feeling really counts.

I do like being in love, I like flirting, I like pining over people, I typically enjoy dating, or at least I don't like not being with someone. But at most points, I just don't really see a difference. I love my partners in the same way I love my best friends. I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life with them, I'd even kiss them if it was socially acceptable.

And it feels like just as much as I enjoy the typical parts of a relationship, I also hate them. I find myself getting irritated at the people who I am seeing for simply expressing that they love me. It feels so wrong because they're being kind, but it doesn't make me happy. It just makes me want to be away from them. After expressing this to several people, they tell me, "You just haven't met the right one yet." And maybe that's correct, but it's so disheartening. I want the fun, cute relationship things in theory, but I hate it in practice, and it's so unfair to the people I date.

It also feels like such a heavy label. I can not imagine meeting someone I genuinely adore and having to explain to them that sometimes I just can't love them and that I can't see a difference between them and my close friends. So I just power through it until I get so miserable that I push them away.

In media, though... I love romance media, and I love seeing the unrealistic confessions and the cutesy moments. The point in the story where they finally admit to liking the other? That's everything to me! If I experienced it, I'd probably die from embarrassing, but when it isn't me, it's like...

WOAH!!!

I wish feeling the love of a real person made me that happy, and I wish I really understood what was happening with me so I could at least know how to work with it.

[the-unlucky-thirteen]

Trauma makes it feel like objects are haunted, right now I can’t even clean out my wardrobe without flashbacks or reliving the pain, shame, or whatever other things have somehow attached themselves to inanimate objects from the past

[sandiazucar]

i don’t have to take out a parent plus loan this school year thank GOD

[lovingrot]

not to sound like a weird ass bitch but any time i eat pretty much anything ever i feel like physically sick

[marlowelune]

Okay really TMI (and nsfw) but

so like i bought my first vibrator the other day 8) I’ve always been like anxious about that sort of thing and I feel like everyone I know has owned one since they were like 16 except for me and I know that’s probably not true but ANYWAY I still feel weirdly old to be buying my first toy despite only being 21 like that’s not that old 

but anyway in the three days that followed 

I have 1. had the first orgasm i’ve ever had lying on my back and 2. had multiple orgasms for the first time 

literally where has this been all my life 

okay but it also lowkey confirmed for me that although I can get pleasure externally just fine, the internal stuff is. like. not hooked up :V  Like I have no idea what’s going on in there but it’s completely numb. No sensation whatsoever except for like the vague ability to feel that there is something there at all. So like h a h a i should probably ask a doctor about that or something but like lmao nah 

[lovelaughliverpool]

This is so embarrassing, I always pronounced Lijnders' name as Pepjin but it was Pepijn?!?

[sonozakisecret-blog]

everytime i think on shion’s tragic feelings for satoshi & how hard she fell for him & how his disappearance haunts her my heart aches because shion sonozaki deserves to be in a romantic and loving relationship but also if it was with someone that wasn’t satoshi she would feel so guilty for falling for someone different ----