The love of your life?
You enable me when it’s fun for you, (you wanna see angels as much as I do, you said it yourself). Don’t you remember the nights in LA, the world you convinced me we created. You hurt me, betrayed me, just like my last best friend, which is where the dagger has buried itself the deepest. I feel it between my lungs when I try and fall asleep, breathing doesn’t come easy when you are newly clean and kicked like a mutt… I know you used HER words on purpose, manipulation runs through your blood, more than oxygen and platelets. Contact a nurse.
When we are alone in a world we made up, two minds existing as a single cell organism; all neon lights and hand plucked music; laughter big enough to fill the whole sky with constellations… even if they are a bit confusing to decipher… You’re telling me that was all a hoax? I delete the pictures of us, I remove myself from the playlist (your taste is pedestrian at best anyways, other than the few songs the whole world knows are good. Who doesn’t like frank ocean, Lorde, and phoebe Bridgers. Do you even know another The Mountain Goats song???).
I refuse to play pretend anymore.
When I make a mistake you take me down a peg just because you can, when you remember you’re dealing with a problem not a person, then you treat me like yesterdays garbage; rotten putrid, you don’t even know where it came from (or pretend you don’t) in order to save face in front of girls you barely know. I’m glad you got your happily ever after, with the person you told me you were only staying with to get your birthday gifts, the girl who made you a cake that you immediately told me was ugly and not instagram worthy? and all I got was a hole shaped like a girl who I thought was every beautiful thing this stupid world had to offer. But I know girls like that, and they look nothing like you, they have a beauty that holds you like a mother’s arms.
The thing is, there are good people, you’re just not one of them, you want a free score because I have the money, so go ahead take my pharmaceuticals even though you have a fucking prescription and laugh at me when I fall.
Get an education, make something of yourself, do something with your miserable life, books about wizards are only gonna get you so far, and at least now I don’t have to pretend like that’s not embarrassing …
Real love comes, and I’m starting to get a taste for it, let me wash myself of this era, this liar “people pleaser” nonsense. I have room for friends with one face, Thomas, Joey, Bo, glo, joy, Morgan, and all the people I still get to meet. You have a lot of growing to do, but may we never pretend to share the same heart beat again, I pray for the next person that gets caught in your dirty fingers, god, I hope they find the sun.
