Entry#33 I've been living my whole life planning every moment that should happen. I set up events. I create thoughts of what will happen towards the day. I felt like if I plan things ahead, I will be safe. I am comforted. I am secured. I've been living my whole life staying within the bounds of my comfort zone. I lack confidence. I always stay behind. My words does not align with my actions. Though I say I wanted to be in an adventure and yet I don't do anything about it. I keep on saying that I love to be challenged but I'd rather stay in the four corners of my office than go out and seek the world. I wanted to this and that but I don't act upon those things. I stay behind. Realizing what I have wasted or so I think it is, I wanted to see the world in the different light. I have fears that I wanted to overcome. I have insecurities that I have to get rid of. I have things in mind that I should put into action. It may sound cliche and dramatic but I find my reason for leaving a meaningful one. True. For 3 years in the business industry, I have always been in the field of Finance. I believe I am good at it. But pondering upon it in a more deeper thought, I realize that I may have stayed for that long because I felt secure in it. I studied the skills necessary to be learned, graduated from it, had work experiences to mold those skills I have learned and I felt like its the only thing that I can do, that I can be proud of myself. But never did I realize that it was something that I just took because I dont have anything in mind. It was something handed to me and got it without having second thoughts. I dont know what I really want but maybe this will allow me to really ponder upon what I want and what I can do. This would allow me to know myself more and see the other side of me, the one I really wanted to know better.
