❛ you haven’t said a thing or given an order since… well. since we lost rachel. ❜ those words were hard to swallow. harder to hear coming out. she’d been a pain in his ass every since she became their commanding officer—but never once did he wish her death upon her. and now he was seeing just what grief could do to a person. he hadn’t even known that rachel was married. and now he’s watching her husband… or whatever title that put on it. he was watching him fall apart. be it love or some other thing—it didn’t matter. as long as you knew the person enough to know that their existence suddenly ceasing caused the world to shift. jason didn’t have any words to say to ease his suffering. but he searched for them anyway. ❛ whatever you need sir. i’m here… even if it’s to shoot the shit about something else to get your mind off of shit. ❜
𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮, and should you find yourself unlucky enough you’ll sink into the pits of the earth and uncover secrets which weren’t meant for your eyes / 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬? 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 , 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐤. stalked by the ones who drink the blood of the lost. that noise, the repeated clicking . . . it replays in his mind, painfully driving him to the point of insanity. what a fool he had been, he’d let his ambitions lead him, hoping to achieve something unachievable, the world took its blows at him, and it seemed it wasn’t done ripping him apart — it took and took and took… until he was left with nothing, and this time… it went too far, taking his rachel.
memories of her flood his mind, her smile — her laugh, everything he could never have or hold again, her in whole gone. 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲. so no, he does not believe in god, because if such a person existed he would have saved her, out of everyone he could have saved. he would have saved her. he should have saved her. 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 , you should have never been here — it's far too late to back out now. so many lives were lost due to his mistake, and he has to live with this guilt ❨ should he survive the creatures that hunt him ❩ eyes burning with tears that streaked his face, red with anger and sadness. it is true: there are stages to grief, but he couldn’t pinpoint which stage he was out nor could he remember the first because his emotions flooded him all at once and the worst one was this inhumane feeling as though she deserved it, he hated himself for feeling this way.
he wanted to scream and curse her name , because she took choice away from him. she may as well have killed him when she set herself ablaze.𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 , how could he continue when there was so much he was regretting. he wished he could rewind time ; if these creatures could exist couldn’t he find a way to bring her back? rachel… rachel… it took him a moment to realize he was repeating her name out loud. his throat was raw and dry. he was rocking back and forth, trying to calm himself down. he hadn’t noticed the lieutenant standing above him. eyes shoot to look at him, there's an odd look in his eyes when they meet jasons; he can’t seem to keep contact and he can’t make sense of what he’s saying… he desperately attempts to steady himself. you are the colonel, he reminds himself
❛ lieutenant… im... not okay… ❜ he mutters. ❛ can you just, sit here for a while, with me. i’m having a hard time distinguishing what is real, and what’s not. ❜ it was hard to admit this but he needed to face reality before facing the creatures that were beyond this point, he couldn't risk his life or his teammate's lives.
unprompted ask. always accepting. @forcerecon
