Apr 25
Realizing that psrt of the reason im likely always tired is kost likely because of CPTSD and/or ADHD and my brainbisnt actually resting. Idk which but i cant keep living like this man. I just want a good nights sleep 🥲
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Realizing that psrt of the reason im likely always tired is kost likely because of CPTSD and/or ADHD and my brainbisnt actually resting. Idk which but i cant keep living like this man. I just want a good nights sleep 🥲
The last time my parents took an overnight trip it triggered some really bad abandonment feelings from so many of my headmates and i just could not work through it like at all. There was a lot of crying.
And tonight my mom had to take my dad to the hospital (minor stuff, hes fine) and i could feel the same feelings coming up BUT i was able to work through it and self-soothe this time and im very proud of all of us <3
So like usually Thanksgiving doesnt make me upset. I mean yes its a shitty colonizer holiday, but like personally i have no feelings about it, i just dont like the morals. But this year its making me sad. Bc like obviously just the whole narrative of Thanksgiving is white-washed non-sense, but for a lot of Americans, the actual celebration of Thanksgiving doesnt really have anything to do with like the story of Thanksgiving and the pilgrims n shit right. Its just seen as like a time to come together with your family and be greatful n stuff.
I guess its hard to feel loved when youre depressed. If i hurt myself, like i sprain my ankle or stub my toe, you can dote on me and make it better or at least more bearable. But nothing makes this feel more bearable
Listen listen LISTEN my problem my problem my problem is that i have the soul of a dramatic emo boy trapped in a house where i cant be LOUD that is simultaneously trapped in a body that is sooooo sleepy. SO WHEN I CAN BE LOUD i sing and scream and dance for like an hour honestly and then i am sooooo eepy and need to be tucked back in bed like a lil kitty until my next outburst
Idk man i think my connection to girlhood is such a hard thing to pin down for me bc i keep thinking of it in reference to white cishet girlhood and it was never that. Nor would it be that if i had grown into a woman. But in my manhood i still need to find a way to honor that black autistic not-girl