#formative crushes

[your1master]

Janeane Garofalo

Photographed by Judson Baker, 1996

[marzipanandminutiae]

Formative Crushes

@forthegothicheroine tagged me to post pictures of, well, my formative crushes. So here we go. I’m tagging @addams-beineke, @merula-snyde, @absynthe--minded, and anyone else who feels inspired to do it. Most of these are crushes I didn’t realize were crushes until after the fact. Thanks, compulsory heterosexuality even in childhood!

1. Cinderella as played by Brandy

Beautiful! Graceful! Has a pretty voice and really cool hair and wears a gorgeous dress! Did I want to be her Super Special Exclusive Best Friend(TM) or just raid her wardrobe? I was five, so it didn’t really matter. But to this day, both of my past girlfriends have been singers. Not sure if that’s a coincidence or what.

2. Abigail Chase from National Treasure

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT SELF-ABSORBED ASSHOLE BEN. COME DATE ME BE MY BFF WHO I’M WEIRDLY JEALOUS OF WHENEVER SHE SEEMS TO BE GETTING EQUALLY CLOSE WITH ANOTHER GIRL INSTEAD. WE CAN BE HISTORY NERDS TOGETHER. I WON’T TRY TO TOUCH YOUR COLLECTION OF PRICELESS 18TH CENTURY CAMPAIGN BUTTONS WITHOUT GLOVES; ALSO YOUR EYES ARE GORGEOUS.

3. Elizabeth Swann

Pretty girl with sword? Swoon. By the third movie I had caught on that there might be a reason that the thought of marrying a boy made me feel vaguely nauseous, and her "hoist the colours” speech had me ready to propose marriage to the damn screen right then and there.

(even if she fires off anachronistic, clunky one-liners about corsets sometimes)

4. Lena Katina from the band t.A.T.u

This is less a crush on her and more the fact that she looks a lot like the first girl I realized I had a crush on. Who had recommended the band to me. Watching the music video for All The Things She Said led to a train of thought that began with “huh, Lena looks like Shelby” and ended with “...oh shit I like Shelby.” So I’d definitely call that formative.

[lbmisscharlie]

So I maybe put on The American President in the background while I tumblred last night because Annette Bening’s performance in 20th Century Women reminded me that I watched this movie on repeat around the time it came out, when I was maybe 10-12, but haven’t seen it in a few years now. 

Holy hell did my little baby queer self know what was up:

I...

UM. (I am not looking at Michael Douglas’s face here, mind)

yeah

ok two seconds after this she sits down and plunks her be-loafered feet right up on her boss’s desk. and also whatevs I have a thing for a baggy 90s power suit; sue me

Yes roll those sleeves up

I MEAN. If Annette Bening showed up with wet hair in a hoodie and a work jacket to tell me that she maybe might consider forgiving me for massively betraying both her and also some Democratic party ideals I would beg for forgiveness and also re-write my State of the Union address like five seconds before giving it and probably ask her to marry me and maybe just consider becoming president herself because she’s probably better at it.

[your1master]

Fiona Apple and Winona Ryder (1997)