nimas in luv n breaks ur heart.png —— @promethianson / accepting !
quiet evenings secluded within the privatest of areas amid the vast castle were shared more frequently than the sorcerer had come to realize, heavy tomes weighed heftily between dual paired hands & scattered scriptures filled to completion with scribbled eccentricities, from old hidden mages long since passed onward, were tossed around in disarray– evidence of where there’d once been interest, only to pass on to the next subject they’d both equally shared a profound curiosity & adoration for.
one might even say that admiration extended FAR beyond the reaches of dust slathered books encased with wondrous words of mystique, beguiling in nature & yet nima, for all their devout admiration of that captivatingly written – if not confusing – world, couldn’t help but every so often cast a slight eye at the man beside them. ( beguiling in nature much like the quill written ramblings were, beguiling in nature & eager to capture & behold the attention of a mage sly enough to let such feelings fall unknown. in the darker corners of her subconscious where they belonged )
it happened once, twice, thrice– a casual glance over, a mere study of their slowly warming friend, his gentleness & attention to their beloved magic & the sadness they shared at the hands of a family ( his very own ) & the fierceness he shared when they spoke of such things. truly, who could blame them for warming up to the prince? had nima known previous, they weren’t so sure even THEN they’d be able to freely blame theirself for softly, slowly, easily falling more enraptured the more time that was spent.
whether it was in the secret lessons they shared, eagerly taught sword fights & magical focusing alike, or the quiet times they’d slip into softness. slip into amusement, lips tilted as they shared brief dances once or twice with a burst of laughter slipping from one another, each to it’s own a shared delight. things that equally nima upheld their love for, each having a very specific thing in common ( a very specific person ), and yet there’d be nothing but the sheer roaring in their ears that’d convince them more of the person by their side; someone they’d delight in holding hands with, maybe fingers intertwined and laced at the sides, sly smiles in front of officials but soft– oh so gentle & sweet kisses delicately placed upon lips, upon skin. ( there were only so many excuses one could make about how much of a delight it was to spend time with one person until evidence found out, sure enough, it was more than just a hapless curiosity, fun or bitter interest )
these things that may encroach upon their mind and yet easily be pushed to the ground. crushed under fearful, tear stained, fists coupled with heaving breaths & the constant reminder, repetitiveness, that gave them the self-assurance required NECESSARY to continue with their day, with their life. for all the wonders they shared, the adamant roar to adventure forth & explore the world for all it held, instability in theirself was a weakness that they weren’t keen on letting to the surface.
you love, people leave, you love, people die, you love, people lose. rejection, failure, regret, bitterness that left a biting cut at the edge of her mind. at the reach of her memories. how many times would they refuse themself the right to love, the right to push themselves and hold their head high with the knowledge that refusal may be imminent but may not– be at calm with the answer given to them. how many times would they fight the never ending storm that wracked their fearfilled body, how many times would they reject & push back the love & care they felt for another– the wish to proclaim that they loved another, romantically or otherwise, the WANT & NEED to HOLD another and support them without the constant suffocation.
the suffocation, the cloying, dragging suffocation that dug at their lungs & brought tears to their eyes. a bitter pill to swallow & one they thought they hardly would ever bring themselves to do. so they wouldn’t, they’ll just sit and contemplate, think think think. push dire feelings to the surface & relinquish the little hold they had on their sensibilities, grab a hold of the reigns to feel in control again, control of who they are– their emotions made them feel safe. there was never any safety net in allowing your heart to fall into anothers hands so they wouldn’t.
they’d sit there in the quiet library with a solitary prince who burned brightly like the sun & shone embers within the palm of his hands, eager to warm her from the ground up. carefully watching, observing, quiet flirtatious quips slipping in here and there only to have offers smothered & quiet, friendly yet slowly distant, teasing slip into play.
they’d smudge down these emotions they knew full well weren’t just hapless feelings or the thrill they got from adventure, no they were in love but there would never be any proclamation as to such. not until they’d worn themselves thin, became so torn & eventually– oh god eventually, began to believe, truly believe, it was time to lay their hands & heart in the soul of another. another they could trust & bear their everything to.
but for right now they’d sit side to side & read out the old smudged scribbles from a dusty, weighty, tome they’d found hidden somewhere like a treasure in the sand. voice wavering & words stuttering every so often as turbulent thoughts ran through only to be smudged, control gained, & a throat being cleared coupled with a witty quip.
if they pretended it was nothing everything would be okay, their world would stay the same & shaky as they were? they were utterly content.
