“Permission” Poem ~ SHUN
I am trying my best to switch the gears in my brain,
Trying my best to stop the gear of wants and let the gear of needs run.
I keep promising things just so I can do what I want yet I scurry out when I want it again.
I am trying my best to just let go what ever I see outside just so you can feel free.
You have granted me it, countless of times but I don't know why I still keep wanting it.
Maybe because it is where I can truly smile forget the motto of my brain to never fail of this pressured works that I am prevailed
I keep getting rejected its okay I can stand it, but you getting pressured because of this permission, that I cant stand shit
I am trying my best to switch the gears in my brain
Trying my best to stop the gears of wants and let the gear of needs run.
Every tear that I shred secretly, I can face rejection but not a pressured family
I know I keep giving you pressuring thoughts, permission and shitty reasons.
It's not my fault smiling is so good where I can scream the top of my lungs how happy I am
Maybe its the drug that I am addicted too going outside feels so good I just wanna keep doing it even if I have no future in it.
No no that's wrong must not pressure family must not be the reason of why I fucked up the family economy
My selfish thoughts, my fantasies, my own wants, keeps getting through removing the gear of needs, maybe because It's hard to smile in needs.
I am an aching being in my own family, trying my best but I am just not ready
Aching words every time I ask permission I can stand it cause I know its true and I just can't avoid it.
I am a selfish human being always wanting the outside world than the home that I live in
But still I keep asking permission.
