Thomas tried to smile through his panic but worried he would come across as ingenuous.
His wife looked so small and yet so firm as she stood before him, her eyes tight with what he guessed was holding back her own tears of fear. They’d been married for just over three weeks and neither of them were about to give up a marriage, especially when Thomas remembered how hard he’d fought to get into a relationship with Althea in the first place.
He pulled her to him, desperately clasping onto her, almost too tightly as he felt his heart beat faster and faster. “Please don’t leave me Althea, please don’t!”
He heard Althea gulp audible in his ear “I don’t want to say it” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “ I don’t want to think any of it! I hate the idea of issuing an ultimatum. How does that make me look to you? I sound like I’m pressuring you into conforming with me. I don’t want to take any of your choice away from you, but you...”
She closed her eyes, trying to remain composed, despite how much she felt like her whole world was being turned upside down.
She continued, her voice growing. “But...Thomas you didn’t tell me how you felt until after we were married. About something so important that would have far reaching impacts on both of us! And what did you think I was going to say? You are asking me to give the blessing to your possible death! How...how could you?!” She sounded angry as she too clung to him.
His eyes watered and his voice trembled “I’m sorry, I’m a selfish bastard.”
She was taking deep breaths, trying to compose herself. But she shook her head every so slightly when he called himself selfish.
“I should’ve say this before” he admitted. “I’m sorry I didn’t. I didn’t realise how much it was important to me, I swear it! I didn’t want to not tell you....I just didn’t realise!”
She let him talk, feeling numb.
“I love you above everything else” he told her as she pulled back to meet her tear-filled eyes. He stroked her cheek and was reassured when she didn’t pull away from him. “I don’t want to lose you but if what I’ve done is unforgivable, I won’t blame you if you walk away.”
“Why should I be the one to walk away?” she hissed angrily. Her eyes were small and tight with her own irritation. “You brought this on us, not me!”
He nodded “I did, and I’m sorry.”
There was a long pause in which the pair of them stared at each other, eyes searching for truth and the belief in themselves to see if they could repair the damage that had been done to their young marriage.
Finally, Althea loosened her grip but still held onto his warm frame. “Do you want to start trying for a baby with me?”
He blinked, a little stunned. “Di-did you want me to father your children, after this?”
Althea rolled her eyes “I never stopped loving you, you bloody idiot, I’m just still so angry.”
Her eyes narrowed again. “You knew I wanted a husband who I would have children with which is what you wanted as well. You knew this, and yet never once thought to voice your fear! It’s just so painful to find this out when you’re hurting me so badly, forcing this choice on me just because you didn’t tell me beforehand, and refuse to chose for yourself.”
He looked sadly at her, tears finally cascading from his eyes. “I love you so much Althea. I want to have a family with you...but how can you be happy with a man whose unhappy with himself? Do you want to see me depressed for the rest of our lives?”
“Is that how you view your future marriage with me?” Althea asked dryly, with ice behind those words. He cringed; he was just making this worse and worse!
“No, that’s not what I meant!” he hurried to say. “I mean, do you want me to be ashamed to even look at my children who share the fate as me? Do you want to see your husband flinch every time he looks at his kids because he sees the karma for that one stupid action? Them paying for my fuckup?”
Another pause as Althea thought over his words. From that angle, she could see what he meant.
If only he’d told me this before! she thought in aguish. I could've prepared a much better response than divorce! For fuck’s sake Althea! I could’ve put the baby plans on hold and supported him through this time, rather than be angry at him! What kind of wife am I?! Clearly one who doesn’t deserve him!
“You should’ve told me this ages ago” she repeated, her words stern but her voice gentle, as were her eyes. “I know we cannot change that, but if anything, this should teach the pair of us to never lie by omission again. I need to trust you, as you need to trust me. This is a partnership and we are a team.”
“We are” he said, tears still falling down his face. He didn’t want to let her go in case she walked away and never looked back. She was much stronger than he was and already he’d let her down.
The third pause was one in which they both tried to decide if the damage was too much and to not think with their hearts so much. There was no doubt that they each loved each other, but was that enough anymore?
Thomas hesitated before he met her gaze again. When she looked at him, he saw a slight softening in her eyes and he steeled himself for rejection.
Very carefully, he lent forwards and brushed his lips to hers, paying attention to every sense in his body in case he needed to back off.
As soon as he kissed her, he felt her tears escape as they washed down her face. He closed his eyes, cursing himself. He’d done this, he’d hurt her by not thinking, for not realising sooner, for not deciding for himself and inadvertently hurting her.
He didn’t kiss her for long and he pulled back to gauge her reaction, eyes full of concern. The fact that she saw that he was more worried about her than himself made the choice for Althea.
After taking a deep, steadying breath, she looked up at him. “I need some time to finish processing this” she told him, her voice giving no indication that she had tears silently running down her cheeks. “But I still want you as my husband. I want you, as you are. But if you’re not happy with who you are, I will not resent that. I respect that your fears are not meaningless and I will accept this burden with you, as a loving wife should. I still love you, despite how much you’ve pissed me off.”
His voice was shaky “I...I won’t do the testing if you truly don’t want me to do it, if it’s too much of a risk.”
She scowled at him “We’ve not had this fight for nothing Thomas. You’ve made your bed and we shall lie in it together.”
He wanted to grin but he just felt empty. He didn’t want to not get a cure, even if that made his wife happier. He was an awful person, a worse husband.
She put her hand to his cheek and her eyes were the warm and kind ones he knew and loved. “I will not demand that you stay in a way that makes you unhappy” she told him firmly. “I will support you in your choice, even if it makes me very scared. And the reason why I’m scared is because I don’t want to live in a world where you don’t live and breathe. For that reason alone, I know that we can get through this.”
He released a breath, eyes still streaming from his eyes. “We can?” he said, words loaded with the hope he wanted her to hear.
She smiled, albeit it wasn’t a full smile but a smile nonetheless. “We both need some time, or at least I know I do.”
Thomas watched her face contort with pain and she spoke again, looking ashamed and guilty. “I’m sorry I that mentioned divorce. I thought you hadn’t told me because you didn't trust me. If you didn’t trust me, then did you want to be rid of me? It was a way for you to get out a marriage that would make you unhappy.”
Thomas stared at her in disbelief. “I never want a divorce” he told her with conviction so strong she couldn’t doubt him. “Never.”
Althea’s eyes watered again “I’m sorry” she whispered, putting a hand on his cheek. “I hurt you by saying that. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Thomas pulled her close again and kissed her forehead tenderly. “We’ve now hurt each other and had our first row. Want to call it even, at least for the meanwhile?”
Althea clung to him and began to sob loudly but he saw her nod once before she sank into his arms.
Not the happiest way to end a round but we now move onto the Morgan household!
