#fp advice

[mental-ch-illness]

my bf and fp will break up with me if my mental health doesn't get better and idk what to do, i don't want him to leave me but he says he's constantly stressed and worried abt me and it's affecting his emotional and mental state, i don't want him to be unhappy but i don't want him to abandon me and im trying to improve but it's hard and i thought him of all people would understand. sorry just venting,,,

dont worry!! vent to me any time!! 

i think it might be healthy to take a step back and re-evaluate things. are you constantly relying on your bf/fp for emotional support during times of emotional crisis? if you are, that might be what he’s so stressed about. relying on one person to help you when you’re in need is both draining on the other person and unhealthy for you. never fear! i can help you and you won’t have to give up your bf/fp!! i’m gonna give you some resources!!

first you need to start by identifying your triggers so you can learn to avoid them and prevent mood drops from occurring in the first place. if you can, i highly suggest downloading Daylio. it’s a free mood tracking app that allows you to rate how you’re feeling and you can pin what you’ve been doing recently. it graphs it out according to time and you can very easily pin point possible triggers. daylio also has a password protection feature so you can keep your entries nice and safe from prying eyes! if you don’t have a phone that can download daylio, invest in a pocket notebook. when you feel sudden shifts in mood, whip it out and write it down.

frequent venter? try downloading a venting app that will allow you to get it all out without having to go to somebody. (notebook is also a good non electronic replacement)

i also highly recommend checking out the dawn room when you’re feeling down!

if you’re a writer, artist, or musician, channeling your emotions into your craft really helps as well. there’s a reason they make you do art/music therapy when you’re in IOP. even if you’re not crazy talented in the arts department, there’s no harm in scribbling or doodling when you get upset.

i hope this helps!!

-mm

[yourdailydoseofemotionalbag-blog]

I don't see any posts about bpd from the perspective of an fp ever so...

I can’t imagine anybody is ever ready to become that important. I don’t think anybody strikes up a conversation with another person and expects to accidentally become the center of another human beings universe. I certainly didn’t.

It’s terrifying to learn how much power you have through trial and error. You constantly make mistakes or accidentally hurt them without even knowing it.

You don’t hear your phone go off: They think they are being ignored and that you hate them. You have to be ready to reassure them.

You have plans with your spouse: They believe they are being abandoned and split on both you and your spouse. You have to make sure they know you’re not leaving them behind and be patient until their mood levels out WITHOUT taking offense to the things they might say.

They are the most loving, caring human beings on the planet: Until they split on you and they either vanish for ten hours or scream at you. You need to let them cool off, don’t chase after them looking for some kind of explanation because the chances are good that there is no explanation and looking for one will only escalate the situation into tears and a fight as that will leave a scar on both of you.

YOU HAVE TO BE READY TO BREAK PLANS WITH OTHER LOVED ONES TO HELP THEM WHEN THEY ARE OVERWHELMED.

YOU HAVE TO BE READY FOR WHEN THEY HIT A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE AT MACH 5 AND STAY THAT WAY FOR MONTHS.

YOU HAVE TO BE READY TO STICK WITH THEM WHEN EVEN YOU CAN’T SEEM TO HELP.

YOU HAVE TO NOT GIVE UP ON THEM.

YOU HAVE BE READY TO PUT ASIDE YOUR OWN NEEDS SOMETIMES. THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS.

YOU HAVE TO BE READY TO FALL INTO EVERY SPIRAL WITH THEM AND HAVE YOUR EMPATHY EAT YOU ALIVE.

YOU HAVE TO BE STRONGER THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU COULD BE.

YOU HAVE TO NOT GIVE UP.

DON’T GIVE UP.

And if you’re not ready for this, just…. Don’t be an fp. Don’t let them get so attached to you that you just leave another scar on them when you leave. Don’t. Please don’t. They don’t deserve another scar.

[mental-ch-illness]

I think it's important to say an FP isn't synonymous with a best friend. It's someone who can base your entire worth around and you base your identity around them because you idealize them so much and then routinely devalue them because the standards are unrealistic which can create really unstable relationships.

SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

An FP is often confused with best friend by nuerotypicals. In reality our friendship with our fp is quite literally our reason for living. It’s who we are and it’s all we want. You are so dependent on this one person that not having them around physically hurts. It hurts so much.

-MM

[mental-ch-illness]

What's fp stand for? I keep seeing it and it's bothering me lol

FP stands for Favorite Person! An FP is a peron someone with a mental illness idealizes. It is most commonly used with BPD, but it has been known to be used in other communities.One quick note: an FP does NOT equate to a best friend. FPs are almost emotional regulators for those with borderline personality disorder as they are the ones who can make us feel calm at times.-MM

[mental-ch-illness]

I need some advice! So, whenever my fp/bf or one of my close friends leaves for a vacation or a couple of hours, I go numb and detach from reality till their back which kills me badly because ill binge watch shows. What may this be called...?

This could be called an apathy split! Splitting is the sudden reversal of emotions towards an object or person in a short span of time. Apathy splitting is when a borderline, or any other person, grows suddenly numb towards a person, thing, or life in general as a defense mechanism. In your case it’s to avoid feeling the pain of abandonment!

Read more about splitting here!

Hope this helps!

-MM

[mental-ch-illness]

My fp used to talk to me everyday but then she became more distant and left me because apparently I was "delusional" for being afraid that she'd leave, and said that each of my "dramas" added up to approximately 3months (she had bpd too so I thought she'd be more compassionate because I ALWAYSsupported her when she had the same fears)and that she was done,and I've been having trouble eating because I feel so nauseous and Imiss her and idkwhat to do

I’m so sorry babe. That sounds awful! It’s possible that she could have cut you out for fear of you abandoning her or that she split on you entirely. Either way I don’t know how to help you. The best thing you can do is take it one day at a time okay? Stay safe, keep hydrated, and stay strong. If you need somebody to talk to I’m right here!

-MM

[mental-ch-illness]

I have this rlly bad habit of constantly checking my FP's social media to check if they're online and to check if they're secretly bitching about me / being nicer to someone else and I know it's bad how easily jealous I get bc it ultimately makes me isolate myself for nothing so is there anything I can do?

My best advice is to have somebody change your social media passwords to prevent you from checking on them. This is what I ended up having to do, and it felt weird, but it worked. I probably wouldn't be nearly as recovered as I am today if I hadn't done that. Checking up on your fp only hurts you more!-MM

[mental-ch-illness]

is it normal to shut down and not be able to hear emotion in people's voices? like theyll be putting emotion in i just won't be able to understand that it's there i guess?

Yes! It is!! This is called apathy splitting!

-MM