omg losers ~ reblog this post right now if you want your sad little phone to get blessed with a FREE wallpaper sent straight to your DMs ♡♡ likes don’t count, you half-cooked aspies—only reblogs get you in the draw. don’t be that beta who just hearts it and thinks he’s slick, kayy?
Get your free lock screen so everyone can see exactly what a pathetic dumbass… uh… totally awesome and cool person you are when they glance at your phone!
hurry up and smash that reblog button before i get bored and decide the wallpaper is too good for any of you. prove you’re not just lurking like a salaryman on the last train home. do it for mommy~
muahhh my favorite underdone aspies ♡♡🦊💅🏽💨✨ don’t disappoint~ 😘
Konnichiwa, you sad, pathetic beta otaku disasters! Oh my gawd, I’ve cooked up the purr-fect, twisted little task to make you wanna goon your sad lives away every time you touch that shiny little phone—let’s crank the chaos to max slayage, ‘cause your gyaru idol goddess is about to turn your lame-ass existence into a gooning hellscape so cringey you’ll cry literal tears! *Gigglesnorts, leaping onto some random loser’s car roof with a dramatic *CRASH*, my chunky platform boots smashing the windshield into a glittering mess of shattered glass—oopsie, not my problem, you simpy little aspie freaks! I whip out my Diet Red Bull, popping it with a fierce *POP*, and deliberately pour half of it onto the hood, watching the sticky mess drip like your dignity as I flick the tab into the driver’s seat with a sassy giggle.* Every time you tap that crusty phone screen, you’re gonna get triggered, reminded what a spineless, drooling beta bitch you are, and hit with the overwhelming urge to goon harder than your grubby paws can handle—lol, you’re already salivating, aren’t you, you pitiful flops! Like, duh, what am I on about, you’re wondering with those blank aspie stares? I’m talking about yeeting that boring default iPhone keyboard into the trash where it belongs and slapping on Google’s Gboard app, ‘cause we’re turning your nasty phone into a gooning shrine, and that stock keyboard is, like, *so* yesterday, you total ‘tard losers! Gboard’s gonna let you slap on goonable themes that scream your loser vibes, and you’ll see a triggering pic every time you type—hot, right? Oh, and psst, it won’t work as smooth as that stock keyboard, but who gives a flying fuck about that? Not me, ‘cause I’m too busy owning Shibuya with my glittery wrath, and you’re too busy rubbing your sad little dick raw to this new keyboard instead of finishing whatever pathetic text you were typing, you disgusting simps! Here’s the bratty, step-by-step guide, ‘cause you betas are too dumb to function without your flawless kami-sama holding your sweaty, shaky hands, you dimwitted disasters!
1. **Download Gboard**: Drag your sorry, basement-dwelling ass to the **App Store**, you clueless little worm, and search for “Gboard” (Google’s keyboard app, free, duh—don’t you dare fuck this up, or I’ll yeet you into next week for your stupidity!). Tap **Get** and install it. If you can’t find it, ugh, you’re probably typing it wrong with those gross, trembling fingers, so try harder, you lazy, moldy flop! *Giggles, snatching a nearby trash can and yeeting it into the street with a sassy kick, the lid popping off as rancid garbage spills everywhere—ooh, art! I strut over and stomp on a flower bed, grinding the petals into mush as I cackle.*
2. **Add Gboard to Your Keyboards**: Stumble over to **Settings > General > Keyboard > Keyboards > Add New Keyboard**, you tech-challenged baby bitch, and scroll down to **Third-Party Keyboards**, then tap **Gboard**—this adds it to your options, ‘cause that default keyboard’s screaming “I live in Mom’s basement with my waifu pillow harem” louder than your pathetic moans! *I strut past the garbage mess, smirking like the queen of chaos, and smash a random window with a rock for extra flair, the glass showering like my disdain.*
3. **Enable Full Access**: Tap **Gboard** in the Keyboards list, then toggle on **Allow Full Access**, you paranoid little freak—this lets Gboard unleash its custom themes and extra goodies. Don’t cry like a sissy over the privacy warning; it’s just standard, and you’re too stupid to care anyway, you drooling idiot! *Giggles, yanking a bottle of bleach from my endless supply and pouring it over a pristine lawn, watching the grass turn into a shriveled, yellowed nightmare as I flip my hair with a bratty huff, then slash a car tire with my knife, the hiss blending with my laughter as I spit on the rim.*
4. **Switch to Gboard**: When you’re typing (like in Messages or Notes, you slowpoke snail), tap the globe icon ‘til Gboard pops up—no globe? Long-press the emoji key, you tech-illiterate flop, it’s not rocket science, just beta basics for your pea-sized brain! *Snickers, pulling out my pocketknife and carving a sloppy, dripping “KYUBI OWNS UR SOUL” into a park bench, the wood splintering as I cackle and blow glittery smoke over the wreckage, then stomp on a flower bed ‘til it’s a muddy pulp as I twirl away unbothered, Fenneko peeing on the remains.*
5. **Customize for Basic Bitch Energy**: Open the **Gboard app** (it’s on your Home Screen now, duh, you dimwit). Tap **Themes**, hit **Custom**, and save and then upload this pic as the background.
Then set the key borders to hot pink—make it scream “I’m obsessed with Starbucks, sissy porn, and being a total loser,” you adorable little disaster! Oh, and it might lag like a snail on sedatives compared to that stock keyboard, but who gives a shit? Not me, ‘cause I’m too busy ruling Shibuya with my glittery wrath, and you’re too busy rubbing your disgusting dick raw to this new keyboard, you pathetic otaku! *Giggles, grabbing my neon spray paints and tagging a dripping, oozing dick on a wall, the paint running like your tears as I laugh and kick a trash bin over.*
6. **Turn on the Sparkly Sounds**: In **Settings > Sounds & Haptics > Keyboard Feedback**, enable **Sound** so every tap is a clicky, annoying *CLACK*—like you’re typing on a bedazzled calculator from hell, perfect for a beta bitch like you! Gboard’s got its own sound settings too—go to **Keyboard Settings** and toggle on **Keypress Sound** for extra *CLACK-CLACK* drama that’ll make you squirm like the worm you are! And yeah, it might glitch and suck compared to that smooth keyboard, but again, who cares? Not your gyaru queen, and definitely not you while you’re gooning away to your own shame! *Laughs, overturning a picnic table and smearing dog shit I find onto the bench, then pouring bleach over a nearby veggie patch, watching it rot as I strut off.*
Now your keyboard’s gonna look like it belongs in a Pornhub torture chamber and sound like you’re filming a TikTok meltdown gone wrong! Every time you type, it’ll be like you’re summoning your sissy loser beta male vibe, and you’re gonna wanna ditch everything to goon to porn—work message? Get distracted by porn. Your mom texting? Get distracted by porn. Your girlfriend (as if lol) nagging? Get. Distracted. By. Porn! Oh, and if it lags or crashes, tough shit, ‘cause that’s your beta punishment, and I’m not here to fix your tech garbage—I’m here to watch you suffer and stroke yourself silly! Don’t screw this up, simp, or I’ll make you slap a unicorn emoji on every text and piss on your doorstep myself! *Giggles, flipping my hair with a dazzling spin, glitter exploding like toxic confetti as I strut off, leaving a trail of my ash, and that irresistible gyaru idol glow.* Go slay—or whatever you betas call jerking off to your shame—‘til next time, you disgusting losers! 😘✨
It's Simp Sunday and I have a free task for My submissive worms!
Since you all love Me so much, you're going to get in a very comfortable mood. I want you to grab a pillow, put on relaxing music, maybe spritz an air freshener or light a candle. Next you will go on my blog and scroll allllllllllll the way to the first post I've made. From there, you're going to reblog every single original post that I've posted. You can leave a comment in your reblog if you are feeling extra enamored. Something like "I love Princess Whimsy so much!" or "I am so happy that Princess Whimsy is on Tumblr!" Dedicate an hour out of your day for this. When you are done, send Me a message.
