Musings from our demented diamond in the rough, the hilariously pithy dude that brings you your weekly e-blast that we will henceforth allow to get weird on our blog. FIRST FRIDAVE, GO!
This Week: Soundtrack for The End of the World
So, back in the day, when they weren’t ritualistically sacrificing each other on top of mondo pyramids to appease whatever vengeful god they were terrified of, Mayans took the time to chip away at behemoth stones to make these types of calendars. To make a senile grandpa-length story short, these calendars state that after a predetermined amount of time, the world ends. Majority consensus from history-types marks the date to be December 21, 2012 – i.e. 2 weeks from today. As far as how we’re all annihilated, that’s not really clear. I’ve often imagined that it would be pretty gnarly if the gravitational pull from the Earth’s core suddenly reversed and everything that is grounded to, well, the ground, just kind of floats out into oblivion. It’s kind of hilarious to think of the Great Pyramid of Giza just chilling out in the ether next to a Shreveport, Louisiana McDonald’s sign.
Do I think anything cataclysmic will happen to us all on December 21, 2012? No. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that I really have no idea what is going on, and all these preconceived notions that I had when I was a fiery youth have no basis in reality. Some would call this “getting wise”. I would more likely link it to falling testosterone levels and a growing general sense that there is no order to anything.
But I digress: If the world does indeed end, I’ve thought about the limitless songs that I’d love blasting at 130 db for all to hear as we get reduced to carbon. I’ve singled out three from the infinite amount of appropriate songs, and will justify my opinion on each as a “Soundtrack for The End of the World”.
Track 1: Kenny Loggins – “Highway to the Danger Zone”
Anyone who has ever seen the cinematic masterpiece known as Top Gun knows this song. You could just tell that as soon as Loggins and Messina ended, Ken-dawg was just dying to take off his folk trousers and hop into a flight suit. Full of sweet synths, drums that sound like electronic sneezes, and a “He’s a rebel, but not too much, so I like him!” attitude, Mr. Loggins has earned the right to be blasted across the globe as it cracks in half.
Track 2: Metallica – “Creeping Death”
I was going to go with Slayer’s “Raining Blood”, but I figured a song referencing the biblical “Plague of the Death of the Firstborn” was more appropriate. I guess at the end of the world, it would be the Plague of the Death of the ALLborn (feel free to use that as your next album title, dude in metal band), but either way, it rips!
Track 3: Santo and Johnny – “Sleepwalk”
Back in the day, my friend and I wanted to make a demented film short about a guy pushing a toaster into a bathtub in which he was bathing while “Sleepwalk” was playing the background. We should probably be psychologically evaluated, but it just seemed right at the time. For that reason alone, it gets included on this list.
Whether you choose any of these songs to crank, or have your own favorites, it’s good to know that there are all sorts of killer tunes to pacify us all as life leaves our listless eyes. You’ll probably be hearing from me again, unless that pesky Quetzalcoatl has his way with us. See y’all on December 22!
