Mar 26, 2024
Garak seeing Palandine again, with her daughter, is fucking agonizing but this especially-
“Watching Palandine and her daughter defy gravity with their dance of love destroyed all my definitions, and my carefully maintained boundaries began to give way, for the first time since Bamarren, to the magic of limitless possibility. I knew at that moment that I’d never be satisfied again. Even my beloved orchids looked like weeds.”
has me in shambles
#star trek: ds9#a stitch in time#elim garak#fuuuuuck me dude this is painful#and my god does it fucking track with what we know of Garak from the show#Garak knows he is never going to be satisfied#he knows there's no point in wanting or longing#but he's not strong enough to stop himself from wanting#from longing#from craving#and it will be the same later in life#when he knows he doesnt deserve the soft things#the nice things#he still won't be able to deny himself those things#he just isnt strong enough to not go for what he wants#whether or not it will satisfy him#whether or not he deserves it#we see it in his conversations with Julian throughout this book#Garak fully says that their relationship is over- he believes that Julian ended it#but he still goes to him when Julian asks him to#because he wants Julian- and you can take that in any context you want#platonically romantically sexually#he wants Julian#so even though he believes their relationship is over#he still goes#because he wants him#and he cant stop himself from going after what he wants#even if he thinks its futile