On October 12 2009 i was in a horrendous accident. I went off a jump sideways on the motocross track I spent so much time at and couldn’t bring it back. I hit the ground head first and tumbled hard they found me 50-60 yards from my dirt bike. I didn’t wake up for at least 4 minutes and my brain wasn’t functional or aware for at least 45.
That day my personality changed and when I woke up finally I was a completely different person.
Or that is at least what I made everyone and for a short time myself believe.
I did not change on that day. At least not for very long anyway. I started off nicer then I had ever been in my whole life and once I realized that wasn’t what I was I buried away what everyone thought I had lost as quickly and effectively as possible.
The truth is I have been holding back that part of me. I was cold, selfish, heartless, and genuinely uncaring for anyone or anything that wasn’t myself or related to making myself happy. Every thought process I go through in life has whispers of that side of me, and I have fought it off and ignored it and even cried nights wondering who the hell would even have thoughts as cruel as I do? I spent my time being as nice as I possibly could to try to ward those thoughts away and make them stop. But they haven’t.
I still am this person. I have been as nice as I could for a little over 6 years now. I have tried to be a good person and I tried to help countless, but alas that has gotten me absolutely fucking nowhere. Im starting to get crabbier and saltier again. Starting to have the anger I always used to constantly have. I cant hold it back anymore. So anyone who notices a difference in me I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do. To the very few of you on here who knew me before my crash, you know what I’m talking about and remember the change I made. I’m sorry, but I’m also not. I tried for all of you. I knew I was a terrible person and I couldn’t fix it like I made everyone believe I did.
