Scott was awake with the sun, watching as dusky skies were broken up by gleaming strands of gold and orange. He hadn’t slept, but he didn’t feel tired. The day was upon him, a moment that demanded he put aside his reticence and be the man that Catalina expected to marry. The man that was in, not out.
It wasn’t long after dawn that the Gallego clan began to stir, excitement in the air as coffee was brewed and bagels hastily brought in from the bakery. Scott watched as his family radiated love and positivity over his nuptial day. His father kept clapping him on the back, no words but a smile that spoke of his deep sense of pride for his only son. He watched as his mother fawned over his sisters and sister-in-law, final decisions on hair and make-up to be made as they would eventually leave Scott and José to join Catalina and the rest of the women for their few hours of pampering.
He felt the air leave his lungs as Ana swung her arm around his neck, hugging him with a ferocity that almost brought Scott to tears. “Be good.” She murmured before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you on the other side.” She added, emotion evident in her smile. Confessions had fallen that night before to his most trusted confidant, his sister who would love him beyond all fault. They talked about Dani, of his fear of failure. Not that Scott wanted encouragement to abandon the altar, but instead reassurance that he might still be a man that could and should meet Catalina at the end of the aisle. Ana, as ever, provided sound and life-affirming advice. She had been the maverick of their family, shirking expectations of a husband and a Catholic wedding in favor of her truest love and her authentic self. And now Gabi waited by the door, closing in on her due date and nonplussed that she had had to find a dress that might fit over her protruding stomach. When Ana finally released Scott and made her way for the door, he watched the easy way their hands connected, like magnets. Would he ever know such easy love again?
The morning dragged on, groomsmen arriving, Oliver first, then César, followed by two of Scott’s best friends from the Naval Academy. Scott’s abuelo sat in his eloquent silence on the front porch, a lit cigar in his thick fingers at all times. He was a vaquero, seeming so out of place in his tuxedo. Scott wanted to see him in his ten gallon hat, six feet in the air on the back of a stallion. Those childhood memories felt so far away now. José would keep drawing Scott back in, as the groom avoided the complicated stare of his best man.
At twelve o’clock on the dot, the men departed for St. Joseph’s in an awaiting limousine. The ride was quiet aside from the brief side conversation, José not quite picking up on Scott’s inability to maintain his focus on a conversation. Scott was dragged off by the photographer, and then the groomsmen were all thrown in together, each smile depleting another ounce of his resolve and strength.
When it came time to take his place at the altar, Scott’s gaze crossed the room. He saw his mother and abuela sitting in the front row, chatting amiably with the friends and family who had traveled from around the country (and globe) to be present on this most auspicious occasion. But there was only one person Scott wanted to find in the crowd. In the middle back he locked eyes with her — with Dani. He felt the color drain from his face, an ache in his chest he couldn’t name. Was it heartbreak? He wasn’t sure. But here he was, and there she was, and it wasn’t in a veil of white. It was at this point that Cara saw her son’s distraction, following his gaze as she turned her head to find the source of his lost nerve. Not one to cede power in a moment of great importance, Cara rose from her pew and found her son at the steps to the altar, breaking his gaze from Dani under the guise of adjusting his tie. “You’re doing the right thing, mijo. Focus. Catalina is a good woman. You’re so close to having everything you want. Everything your father and I want for you.” She had his attention, and confirmation in the form of a harsh swallow and a nod.
Fingers flexed in and out, fists then balling into white knuckles as the bridal chorus sounded. And then Scott was enraptured — there she was in all of her resplendent beauty, that earnest smile and loving gaze cast upon Scott of all people. And he felt lucky, so lucky, because here came his best friend. The guilt would strike later, and continue to linger like a specter to haunt him forevermore. But now, now there was just the quiet seed of joy sprouting as it took root in his chest. He could do this. And even if he couldn’t, he had to.
It wasn’t so long before Catalina had reached him behind the processional of her bridesmaids, led almost comically by Gabe. And there she was beside him, his bride. “You look so beautiful.” Scott whispered, knuckles brushing against hers as they faced the priest. They were a picture perfect couple, and this was a picture perfect day. If only Scott could muster the enthusiasm. That would have to come later, when the hard part was done and it was only a party to look forward to. He could make it that far. He willed himself to focus and to smile, to appear as Catalina deserved for him to appear — a completely devoted husband stunned by his wife on their wedding day.
But all the while, Scott could feel a particular set of eyes burning into the back of his skull. And it stung, it prevented him from being lost in even a single serene moment of peace. Because he didn’t deserve any of this. Not really. And no one knew that better than Dani Delgado, who had now slipped from his fingertips.
