I’m just tired of feeling like someone’s second option or like I don’t matter or have feelings. Why’d you even invite me to live with you if I was that disposable? Okay, we aren’t best friends but a DECENT person would stick to their word. Why would you “play along” like you were looking for a roomate and just not tell her straight up what was going on? That seems shady as fuck. Just saying. It doesn’t even matter if you said “ oh well we don’t really have to have her live here we were just asking” I told you how I didn’t want to live with people I don’t know. You KNEW my position. I’m not going to live there when it’s very obvious you would prefer someone else. I don’t need the hostility of having other people in MY SANCTUARY, where IM suppose to feel confortable fucking up my mojo. Uhhhhh.... never doing anything with Nisha’s friends EVER AGAIN. Lol but should I really like just cut them off, or be rude and act indifferent? Should I be petty? That’s what I want to do but then again, they save me spots in line and let me borrow their vacuum cleaner...... well I guess I can buy my own vaccuum cleaner and I’m usually with Nisha when they save us spots anyway. What? Are they gonna try to tell me I can’t cut with her? I doubt they’ll be that bold. I just need my own friends. Preferably some black friends right now. I see all of these people connecting over their shared background through race and I want someone to say “girl,my mom says/ does that too!” with.. I just need to make an effort to connect with other people. Like, I reached out to Alicia today, but now I need to follow through. Lord, please bless me with friends who I can be my true crazy self with. Bless me with friends who get me and value my opinions and presence. Bless me with friends I can share laughs with, hard times with, and memories. Please Lord? I really really want that. Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
