Call me wild or crazy... Or something, anything!
But I've been making nests and dragon hoard piles long before schooling- as early as 2 or 3 years old.
The shit I'd give for any adults during that time in my life to understand me and how my brain worked.
They didn't question the nesting or pillows and blankets or item piles or toys and ceramics and random 'precious' items all aligned in a neat circle- a pen, a burrow, a bird nest. They must have thought it to be just another game, they must have thought...
Now I'm an adult and literally make nests to soothe myself, and the instinctual urge to have a biological egg and incubate it is making me sad I can't do that. (I don't want kids, both can't and won't have)
I literally moved on from so many crushes and possible advances from real people because they get put-off by the slight animalistic tendencies I display on a daily basis.
(Like wdym drumming my belly like a seal after eating just to let a burp out and making arf arf sounds is cringe? Valid and understandable reaction, nonetheless.)
Them not into affectionate woofs, platonic nibbles, animal-like mannerisms quirks. 😔
Ok, we are definitely not gonna work out, cuz I dont wanna repress a core trait of mine for you to feel "normal" in public.
I fucking swear this is not simply just kinks and fetishes. It's who I am, it's me.
My maternal instincts are kinda amplified by fucking hormonal pills, and I'm having multiple flashbacks as I was reflecting on this.
I was watching animal behaviors as I became more reclusive, taking behavior lessons especially from the wild dogs from the mountains, running around and giving birth by the house and weaning the pups and they literally tolerate a child to puppy nap the dog temporarily and I just put them in my nest, and this was long before we had a TV.
(ok i just realized that was so unsanitary)
I was already trying to balance both worlds- Nature and Society.
I'm not really the type to pull a "save nature activism of sorts" when I say I love Nature. I mean, yes we need to be aware and protect nature.
But I'm a half wild, half person. I am domesticated. I am like a dog, sometimes I need to run free and stop conforming to society.
Growing up, my childhood instincts just got amplified and non-human traits are attractive as fuck. (The signs were there. )
My mimd is a bit scrambled theres just too much gping om rn
