Synopsis: Kai’s boyfriend (reader) is experiencing some dysphoria and he wants to do his best to help.
Genre: fluff | lgbtq + | smut
Content Warnings: dysphoria, mlm, sexual situations, established relationship
A.N.: hi,, this is my first tumblr oneshot and my first idol x reader ff in a long time. i wrote this after crying from dysphoria and missing kai from the concert. please enjoy and lmk if i should keep writing stuff like this. fair warning i will refrain from using the term “y/n”
Kai’s POV
He said when he gets out of the shower he’ll lay with me and “see where things go.” It’s not like I asked for it, it’s just been a while since we’ve done it. But I don’t blame him. After he came home from visiting his (extremely tone deaf and transphobic) parents, he’s been so- out of it.
He said he’ll lay with me but I heard the shower water turn off a long time ago. Half an hour will pass in a few minutes and I’m worried. He doesn’t usually stay in the bathroom this long.
“Babe,” I say with a knock on the door, “Everything alright?”
He doesn’t say anything. I put my ear the door to hear a faint cry. Frankly, I don’t know what’s louder, his sobs or the sound of my heart breaking.
“Can I come in?”
“Go away.”
“Baby, please.”
“No, Kai,” His broken voice says, “I don’t want you to see me.”
I sigh as I think about what this could mean. My boy’s not feeling like himself.
“What if I come in with my eyes closed?”
“Fine.” He says weakly.
I put one hand over my eyes and use the other to open the door. As I walk in, I hold my hand out to navigate myself.
“I’m down here.” He says.
I kneel down and my free hand lands on his damp head of hair. I sit down next to him and wrap my arm around his towel covered body.
“Babe, we’ve been together for years. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“I know I just- It’s so embarrassing.”
“What, love?”
I feel his body shudder as he sobs even more.
“It’s me. My body. It’s not right.”
“Baby.”
“When you introduce me as your boyfriend, people look at me and… and they don’t believe you. They don’t believe me. They don’t see me,” His voice cracks, “Nobody sees me.”
“Hey, hey. My eyes may be closed, but I see you. You’re my boyfriend. You’re your mother’s son. Your sister’s brother,” I say, “You’re a man. My man.”
A beat of silence passes before I feel his hand on mine. He lowers my hand from my eyes quite causiously. He’s still nervous I suppose.
“Do you really see me? Like that?”
Now that I can finally look at him, I take in everything I can in a few seconds. His sharp jawline is viciously sexy. My eyes pan down his strong neck and shoulders. The towel stops there, but I know what’s beyond it.
He hates what’s below his neck He hates it so much, and I know why. He thinks it’s not right. Maybe because we’re both men, but we look so different. I hope that one day he’ll notice that all men look different from each other and that’s okay.
“I see you.”
His eyes glow as his tears slow down.
“Thank y-.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
When he kisses me, I don’t expect it. But I accept it with loving grace. The hand that holds mine squeezes before it trails up my arm. When he reaches my neck I feel him kiss me deeper.
“That’s my boy.” I muttered against his lips.
I lied him down on the tiled floor and rested between his legs. Cradling his head in my hand, I kiss him once more and slowly grind on him. An erotic sigh escapes his mouth as I kiss down his neck.
Our make out is quite a blur. His lips and tongue tangled in mine seems messily timeless. All the blood in my body rushes to my core and he smiles on my lips when he feels it poking his inner thighs.
He reaches his hand down and guides me closer to his opening. It’s wet and throbbing for attention.
It’s a relief to feel myself inside of him after so long. His body is so blissfully compatible with mine. And his moans are deep and needy. He lightly tugs on the back of my hair and I gasp at how right it feels to make love to him.
“Baby,” I moan into his ear, “You feel so good.”
“I- I missed you so much, I,” He groans deeply and his body clenches on my cock, “I think I’m gonna cum.”
“Cum for me, prince,” I beg, “Be a good boy and cum for me.”
His voice raises in pitch as I pound into him and chase our orgasms. I love it when his voice gets weak and hiccups on every thrust. When his body reacts only to me. He is consumed by my sex and it drives me insane. It drives me to my climax.
He’s leaking with orgasmic fluid when I pull out and shoot hot cum on his bath towel. He’s gasping desperatelyfor air and that sight alone milks another round from me.
A.N.: instead of spending $200 per session to talk to a gender therapist about what i already know, i’m just going to write comforting oneshots with my ults. hopefully this comforts me and others in my position as well. again, refraining from using the term “y/n.”
Reader’s POV
It hurts to say, but it’s getting really hard to hang out with my best friend. Every joke starts with “girl” and every compliment ends in “queen.” It feels like he’s mocking me.
Only he doesn’t know that he is.
In his mind, he’s done nothing wrong. Every “girl” is a gunshot and every “queen” is a bullet wound I’ll have to heal myself from later. Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive. Or maybe it just hurts to hear my best friend refer to me this way.
“Girl, why’re you so sad,” He asks, pulling me out of my train of thought, “You love this movie.”
As much as I love the movie, I don’t feel comfortable.
“I’m just tired,” I lie, “I should start heading home anyways.”
“What? You never get tired this early.”
“Well, I do now.”
I don’t mean to snap. It’s getting to be too much to handle.
I stand up from the couch, but I feel Yeonjun’s hand grab my arm before I can walk out.
“What’s going on, girl?”
“Nothing.” I mumble as I try to wiggle out of his hold.
“Come on, sis, you can tell me.”
I rip my arm from his hand in a fit of rage.
“I’m not your sis,” I shout, “I’m not your girl, I’m not queen, I’m just–.”
I cut myself off and plop back onto the couch. I close my eyes so I don’t have to see the hurt on Yeonjun’s face. He’s not used to me getting visibly or seriously angry. And despite his actions, he’s actually quite sensitive.
“Yeonjun,” I breathe out, “I- I don’t know how to tell you this.”
His silence scares me. In a weird way, I appreciate it. It gives me time to think. Think about how I’m going to permanently alter all of the memories he has of me. Think about how I may not have a best friend anymore if he doesn’t approve.
“I want you to know that I’m still me and nothing has changed.
“O-okay.”
“I’m a boy,” I say simply, “I’m transgender.”
“Oh–.”
“I don’t want you to see me differently, okay?”
He blinks in disbelief. His lips move, but no words come out.
“Please say something.”
“I don’t know what to say… Other than ‘I’m sorry.’”
“It’s oka-.”
“No, no. I know this is something really important and serious. And you probably didn’t wanna tell me like this.”
“Like what?”
“I misgendered you so much and you came out to me out of frustration. I feel like I made you come out to me when, maybe, you weren’t ready.”
It’s true. I would’ve rather told him like I told my brother; in a series of texts and internet memes. It wasn’t as serious as now. Coming out to Yeonjun felt like an attempt at survival. It was so intense. I can still feel my hands trembling.
“I was going to tell you eventually. I’ll admit it was hard because you always knew me as a girl. And I was scared of losing you.”
“I don’t love you because I see you- saw you- as a girl. You’re just a good person and I like being around you. Regardless of what gender you are.”
“You really mean that?” My voice cracks.
“Yeah.” he says with a warm smile.
I reach over and give him the biggest hug I’d ever given him. The tighter I squeeze, the less I feel like crying.
“You’re choking me.” He wheezes.
I pull away and laugh before playfully strangling him.
