Idk, I'm just fuckin struggling. I don't want to deal with medical shit anymore, I'm burned out, and after this next big appointment I'm either going to be in a shitstorm of bad news and things get potentially horrific, or I'm going to have to take time off, which means the problem will continue until I recover from the exhaustion of everything they have dragged me through. Last time, that took a year. I don't want this to get worse, but if this next round of bullshit doesn't tell me what's wrong and how to fix it, I'm going to have to take a break and it's going to get worse and I just have to cope with that. I'm tired. I don't enjoy anything right now. They ruined an event we had waited to be able to do for like, 12 years. Just. Wiped out because I had to reschedule a thing TWICE because I wasn't getting the answers I needed from them. The chance is gone. I might have another chance in the fall, but that hasn't lined up before now so I don't expect it will do it again so soon. I am devastated. And their bullshit might delay the Round Baby. I might be too sick to keep up. Any accommodations for PTSD are just not a thing they want to help with, and help with physical side effects is non-existent, they don't acknowledge any of it as important enough to answer me about it at all. If the new clinic isn't cool, I'm flat out giving up for as long as it takes. I hope the specific people responsible wind up as fucked up as I am. Let them live like this.
