grief is like a bottomless pit. sometimes it can feel like something you’ll never crawl your way out of, and when you finally do, anything can thrust you downward again, until you’re back in exactly the place you originally were.
this coming christmas it’ll be 17 years since i lost my older brother to mental illness and suicide, and i think i grieve in new ways every year.
i think grief can also be comforting. something you can surround yourself with even after decades have passed as a way to remember those we have lost--to honor them and remind ourselves of the special place they hold in our lives.
this is all to say that when i read @doctorprofessorsong fic all that remains, it’s reminded me that i’m not weak if i return to the roots of sorrow. the crying and the deep sadness and the pain that somehow manifest when you aren’t even necessarily thinking about who you lost. this isn’t new to me, but with time it has evolved and become different. it’s less stabbing and more aching.
i never really thought a deancas fic would be the catalyst for the way i seem to need to grieve this year, but here i am.
river, you totally knocked it outta the park with this one.
and if any of y’all need a fic that’ll feel like therapy, i can’t recommend it enough. thank you for this <3