“This was my freaking body and I loved the shit out of it. And if I kept telling myself that, maybe one day I’d believe it.”
“I slid the plastic container closer to the edge of the counter. “You’re good if I take these?”
She smiled and it shone through her eyes. “Who do you think I made them for?” Turning, she put the now empty plate into the sink. A wave of heat spread in my chest and stopped me in my tracks. “You baked these especially me?" "It’s the only way I can save the rest of my cookies from your stomach. Sometimes I think a bear has been foraging in here.” there."
“I grabbed a twizzler from my stash on the counter. Food always comforted me. If I could fill my stomach, then everything would be okay. That’s what happened when you didn’t grow up with much of it.”
“I’d take that money and finally have a home. Find someone to share it with. Make a family. A huge one with kids who never had to worry about being kicked out. I’d do it right, at least as right as I could figure out with no clue how a real family worked”
“I slammed the door behind me. They didn’t understand. Couldn’t even begin to understand what it was like to be the only person someone could count on"
“And I didn’t need to put my heart on the line up against another girl. I wasn’t exactly the girl guys fought over. I was the one they settled on dancing with when my much prettier sister or friend was taken. The consolation prize.”
“Hours melted away when I was watching Jules do her thing. And she did it so well. Every time I walked in the door there was always a huge smile and that warm glowing feeling in my chest.”
“It didn’t make it hurt any less. I hated those looks too. The ones that called you a liar without ever saying a word. It hurt and I hated it, but I understood.”
“and sat on it backward. A total cool chick move. If she didn’t have a leather jacket tucked away somewhere, I’d eat my hat. Not that I owned one, but I’d go out and buy one and eat it—tag and all”
“She got a far-off look and I hurt for that little girl who had wanted to do something that made her feel closer to her dad and had had it taken away by the one person who should’ve done anything to help her during that time. But having a kid didn’t make someone a good parent.”
“It made that pain even worse. I was part of my mom and all she wanted to do was cut that part of herself out and throw the rest of me away”
“Jesus, Jules.” I leaned in, trying to keep the need to lick her out of my voice. This was straight up not fair. She was sweet as hell and now I wanted a taste.”
“I’ve never seen stars like this before.” Berk stopped beside me and stared straight up.
“Less light pollution out here.”
“Sometimes I forget to look up.”
“You don’t see them much in the city. Even on the best days only the brightest stars can shine, but out here even the little pipsqueaks get a chance. We can stay out here, if you want”
“It wasn’t that bad.” The hours I’d stayed locked alone in my bathroom crying on the floor were trivial in comparison to what other people had been through “Don’t do that.” “Do what?” “Minimize what you went through because of what I told you about me.”
“No, but I see the way you always want to take care of the people around you, even if it’s at your expense.” “I don—" He cut me off again at the pass. “Don’t ever let anyone else make you feel like you’re not awesome."
“Zip it, Julienne Fries. I’m running with you, even if I have to toss you over my shoulders and do the run that way. So let’s run this thing.”
“She glanced at me, glistening with strands of hair and bits of grass stuck to her face, and laughed. It was a delirious kind of laugh that infected the air around her. And I was right beside her in the soggy hillside, trying to catch my breath. The rise and fall of her chest made me think of other ways we could be exerting ourselves. Much more enjoyable ways than our torture run, and I was sure I could get her extra sweaty.”
“I groaned. “Only if you protect me and promise not to abandon me this time.”
She wrapped her arms around her legs. “I promise.”
Those words reached deep down inside, like my joking had revealed something about myself that only she could see. And her promise to do something that other people would laugh off was as strong as any.”
“Every time Mom said something, a reply shot to the front of my mouth, crushing my dreams of the loving family I’d always wanted and hoped I might reclaim a sliver of someday if I did everything exactly how she wanted.”
“In a matter of days, Jules had gone from someone I looked forward to seeing every day, to someone I needed to see. I needed to make her laugh and make sure she was okay. And I wanted her to want that of me too.”
“She blew a strand of hair out of her face and rubbed the side of her head. “Damn shelves, jumping out of nowhere.” Shifting the basket, she swung it back up into her arms.“They’ve been known to do that. Hit and runs left and right in this place.”
