i have a myriad of thoughts on today's conversation.
i feel like jealousy and possessiveness can be two entirely different things and they can be hand in hand.
i would way rather have possessive than jealousy and find it incredibly attractive, but the second it intermingles with jealousy its a red flag for me.
exhibit a: "my girlfriend is not allowed to talk to other men, she can't have male friends, i hate any relationship she has with another male even her brothers or father" a man who feels this way would probably try to argue that it's possessiveness & he just loves his gf a lot or something, but i would LARGELY argue that it is entirely jealousy (and insecurity. insecurity goes hand in hand with the conversation today!!)
exhibit b: "my girlfriend can do however she chooses, dress however she wishes, talks to whoever she wants to. because, at the end of the day, she's mine." SEXY !!!!!!!! requires man to not be insecure about himself or his relationship, trusts gf and is confident. can claim possessiveness ("she's mine") without being 🚩🚩🚩
!!!!! this also goes the other way around !!!!!!
girls can be jealous/possessive/insecure too. just thought that should be pointed out.
the bottom line for me is that you can be possessive without being a 🚩but you cannot be jealous without being a 🚩
(assuming that possessiveness is found as an attractive quality and quite possibly a turn-on) you can have a healthy relationship that is secure, with open communication, !!!TRUST!!! and have possessiveness.
there's also another aspect where i think possessiveness is entirely just as unhealthy as jealousy. for example the thing we all know and love, yandere. yandere!mommy!hwa is toxically possessive. this is also where the possessiveness and jealousy go hand in hand and start blurring the lines between the two.
when reading fics because i've never had a real relationship irl i like when the dirty talk includes "who do you belong to?" etc. etc. but i LOATHE when mc says "did so-and-so fuck you this good?" like pull your dick out of me and sleep on the couch rn. such a turn off. im not thinking about anyone else when you're dicking me down ok? ANYWAY.
healthy posessiveness >>>>>>
possessiveness intermixed with jealousy <<<
my precious little star >>>> precious little star
the subtle claim of ownership 😋😋😋😋
i hope this made sense. i thought about it for a long time before sitting down to write my thoughts. and i had a lot of thoughts. i love these conversations !!! let me know your thoughts
bABY, JUST know I really appreciate how in-depth this ask really is but I just took my sleeping pills and I'm a bit woozy so I'm going to try my best to respond with just as much enthusiasm.
/girls can be jealous/possessive/insecure too. just thought that should be pointed out./
This is such a good point because that is absolutely true and I'm one of those people, I'm working on it.
But yes, GIRLS CAN BE WORSE THAN GUYS IN JEALOUSY AND POSSESSIVENESS.
/i would way rather have possessive than jealousy and find it incredibly attractive, but the second it intermingles with jealousy its a red flag for me.
exhibit a: "my girlfriend is not allowed to talk to other men, she can't have male friends, i hate any relationship she has with another male even her brothers or father" a man who feels this way would probably try to argue that it's possessiveness & he just loves his gf a lot or something, but i would LARGELY argue that it is entirely jealousy (and insecurity. insecurity goes hand in hand with the conversation today!!)/
Yeah, this very much screams just someone who is entirely JEALOUS and INSECURITY. This situation to me indicates a partner who is not comfortable with their own masculinity and they could find any male that's close to you a threat, hence isolating you even more.
/exhibit b: "my girlfriend can do however she chooses, dress however she wishes, talks to whoever she wants to. because, at the end of the day, she's mine." SEXY !!!!!!!! requires man to not be insecure about himself or his relationship, trusts gf and is confident. can claim possessiveness ("she's mine") without being 🚩🚩🚩/
And I feel that example really mentions the 'healthy type of possessiveness' we are looking for in a relationship, we're your allowed to live your own life because they know that at the end of the day...it's their bed you're crawling into too.
/there's also another aspect where i think possessiveness is entirely just as unhealthy as jealousy. for example the thing we all know and love, yandere. yandere!mommy!hwa is toxically possessive. this is also where the possessiveness and jealousy go hand in hand and start blurring the lines between the two./
Oh absolutely and I made my yandere!mommy!seonghwa fics deliberatedly toxic to highlight the unhealthy 'yandere' side of what happens when jealousy and possessiveness are intertwined. Then you can emotionally impulsive who won't let you go anywhere b/c then everything is a threat to their masculinity.
/when reading fics because i've never had a real relationship irl i like when the dirty talk includes "who do you belong to?" etc. etc. but i LOATHE when mc says "did so-and-so fuck you this good?" like pull your dick out of me and sleep on the couch rn. such a turn off. im not thinking about anyone else when you're dicking me down ok? ANYWAY./
I've never been in a relationship too so I completely get it like i love the 'You're mine, no one is going to touch you but me' over 'you think anyone else can fuck you like I do?'
Anothing thing that irritates me when they say 'I thought of you when I was sleeping with other girls' and its like...is that meant to be a turn-on bro? That just makes me think less of you.
/side note: pet names????
my precious little star >>>> precious little star
the subtle claim of ownership 😋😋😋😋/
Such a simple word that can make any term of endearment go from aww to GAWD DAYUM in seconds.
I can see you thought about this a lot and I love it! It was such a great conversation and thank you for contributing!
