My heart doesn't feel right, at the moment. I just got home today, and had a ton of mail to go through. I got one letter, that was in honor of a girl i used to be friends with, waaaay back in the day. She passed away years ago, from a lung transplant that never came through. It sent a slicing effect through my heart, for more than one reason. It's such a tragedy whenever a young person dies. Her whole life was ahead of her, and she deserved every beating minute of life, and more. Life is filled with fate, and everything happens for a reason. I believe she held a destiny else where, and held a fate that was special. She was a very kindhearted girl, and was way beyond her years. She was very interested in books, and writing. She wrote in her journal, throughout her life. At her funeral, her dad read some of the passages to hear her own words, straight from her heart, a heart that drifted with soul. She talked about wanting to meet a sweet boyfriend, to get her first kiss. Maybe her fate was to meet that special somebody, in another realm, just for her, her soul-mate connection. As a hopeless romantic, and a friend who wants to see the light through hardship, I'd like that for her. What really was unfair, which leaves me with such an unsettling question mark. It seems as though, her 'group' seemed to shun me away, and kick me away cold. This happened a few years around that time, and that... that was a slice to the heart. People are complex individuals, and therefore do things that you may or may not understand. Maybe there's something i am not getting, or maybe there's something highly misunderstood. I guess.. what i am trying to do is comfort myself, with closure of all of this is. This isn't about them, This is about my friendship with me and her, not them, not anybody else. I'm trying to let go of something that was thrown back up from being hidden and undealt with, left to dust away in my grief that was hidden. I am freeing away the disappointment. I am freeing away the neglect. I made my passages. I held my commitments. I have asked myself, if i did all i could have done, to help after her passing. I believe in my heart, checking off remembrance of trials i have made. I remember reaching out, offering my support. I an a firm believer in "If you tried your hardest, than that is all anybody could ever ask you". Am i abit ashamed in their choices against me? Yes. However, for some reason that was their choice, and that was their decision. I was highly offended by it, thinking it was my fault. Thinking i may have done something awful, and on-top of it, i don't remember what i possibly could have done, which made me feel even more awful. At this point in time, with life experience, and the many events that had happened after this one. I have learned many lessons, those lessons and this now being re-brought to my attention. Maybe, just maybe i can leap over this once and for all, and continue my respects in my heart for a friend who may have left the Earth, but a friend who will forever remain in my mind & heart forever. Nobody could ever shun that away, that is kept with me always. I may still not understand why the outcome had to be as such, but sometimes in life, things sometimes just don't make sense, and you just have to cope with it in your soul, and free such unknown, as it only creates darkness. I don't hold a stick against them, and i wouldn't. I hope they are coping through their loss, and are keeping the memory of her alive, which seems to be shown highly, through the letter i received this day in age (By an outside source). All of you Tumblr Followers, or maybe even an outside audience by chance reading this. Remember that, things happen in life that can't be explained, that you just need to forgive and give love and light, for others and yourself. Life is a beautiful, beautiful treasure. I have learned with this event, and more that, each and everyday is a gift. Love one another, give somebody a hug while their heart is still beating. Tell somebody, hey you! I love you! You are such a beautiful person, and i hope you have a wonderful day! Make somebody's day, make your day a happy one. Life is given to be experienced, to love, to cherish, to learn each and everyday. Through every good and bad event Tumblr friends, we are a family. I am here for each and every single one of you amazing human beings! Thank you all for being your shining unique individuals, and thank you my friend who traveled into another place. I love you! and i will always treasure our friendship. Through our talks, and our memories, through your kindness that shall never be forgotten. Thank you <3 I best now wipe off the keyboard keys, since my tears have drenched across them.