#funny emcee

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Daddy Do-Over Moments with Kelly Clarkson

Daddy Do-Over Moments with Kelly Clarkson

My desire to appear on a daytime talk show waned considerably after Oprah called it quits in 2011. But, each Fall, I still scour the new crop of talkers, wondering if any have room on the couch for a middle-aged Midwestern man who could speak frankly, perhaps tearfully, on…what exactly?

Which leads me to The Kelly Clarkson Show.

Confession, I’ve been a fan of Clarkson ever since she became…

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Somebody Please Write Down Where I Left My Sunglasses

Somebody Please Write Down Where I Left My Sunglasses

The sunglasses arrived in a smooth leather case. Removing them, I noted the debonair black frames, the stylish smoke lenses and the sturdy springs that would hold the glasses firmly to my temples.

“What do you think?” asked my wife, the purchaser of this Father’s Day gift.

“They’re amazing,” I said. “Where’s the gift receipt?”

“You’re not going to return them, are you?” she asked, a…

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If I Must Evacuate, I'm Already Ready

If I Must Evacuate, I’m Already Ready

  I live in the Chicago suburbs, in a quiet neighborhood that has never succumbed to mass evacuation, unless one counts Nov. 2, 2016 when residents streamed from their homes after the Cubs clinched the World Series and hurled expletives at the heavens.  

For the record, I live in the SOUTH suburbs, where, among lifelong residents anyway, the Cubs are about as popular as a colony of roaches making…

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This Labor Day, Get Rid of Whatever That Is

This Labor Day, Get Rid of Whatever That Is

My 82-year old mother’s refrigerator died recently, necessitating a visit to her home and a subsequent lecture on food storage.

“Maybe it’s time you threw out the mint jelly,” I said, holding up a half-full jar of a viscous green substance that, I believe, my father used to spoon heavily on lamb. Dad passed away in 2014.

“Where did you find that?” she asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied. “My…

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Cellphones, Shotguns and No Regrets from a Fed Up Southern Momma

Cellphones, Shotguns and No Regrets from a Fed Up Southern Momma

This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune July 17, 2018

Parenting is filled with hand-wringing, second-guessing and “what-if” quandaries. For example, “What if I let my teenage daughter have a party while I’m away?” and “What if I let my son drive all his friends to the concert this weekend?”

Or, in the case of Moreland, Ga., resident Deborah Smith, “What if I blow up my kids’…

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Why Aren't Grandma and Grandpa Playing Fortnite?

Why Aren’t Grandma and Grandpa Playing Fortnite?

Mom and I were talking the other day about the common problems facing this country’s aging population: inactivity, loneliness, occasional bouts of depression. I sympathize, and wish I had a suggestion to solve the tribulations that, sadly, plague a good portion of senior citizens. This time, however, I may have a found an answer. “‘Fortnite,’” I said. Anticipating her look of bewilderment, I…

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Facebook Needs Help With Its One-Question Survey This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune February 20, 2018 I always feel neglected when a recent poll or survey is cited in news reports.

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Alex Trebek Has Finally Had Enough

Alex Trebek Has Finally Had Enough

This column originally appeared in the Chicago Tribune Feb. 6, 2018 It finally happened. Alex Trebek snapped. As a longtime Jeopardy fan, among the thousands of avid watchers convinced they could win fortunes on the show but too intimidated to apply as contestants, I’d been predicting a meltdown for years. The seemingly unflappable Trebek, however, has kept his cool for well over three decades of…

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