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If I Must Evacuate, I'm Already Ready

If I Must Evacuate, I’m Already Ready

I live in the Chicago suburbs, in a quiet neighborhood that has never succumbed to mass evacuation, unless one counts Nov. 2, 2016 when residents streamed from their homes after the Cubs clinched the World Series and hurled expletives at the heavens.

For the record, I live in the SOUTH suburbs, where, among lifelong residents anyway, the Cubs are about as popular as a colony of roaches making…

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#business emcee #comedy emcee #corporate comedian #corporate comedy #funny emcee #greg schwem #Hurricane Florence #natural disaster

A Dating Site for the Optically and Electrically Challenged

My good friend Brad recently plunged head first into the online dating pool, having recently separated from his wife of 20-plus years. When we met for drinks one evening, he felt compelled to obsessively check his phone, his text alert tone signaling that a potential mate was in his geographical vicinity. Or just a swipe away. My initial annoyance eventually gave way to curiosity. “What kind of…

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#business comedian #comedy emcee #corporate entertainer #dating sites #greg schwem #iPhone

Everybody is Crazy. It's Not Just You!

Everybody is Crazy. It’s Not Just You!

The reply hit my inbox a full three days after I had emailed a contract requiring a simple electronic signature, a legally binding image created after the world got tired of searching for pens. The contract was attached along with a message: “Sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this. It’s just been CRAZY around here.” Yes, crazy was typed in all caps. Later that day, as I waited in a bar for an…

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#comedy emcee #corporate comedian #corporate humor #greg schwem #time management

Merry Christmas Honey. Here's Your Roomba!

Merry Christmas Honey. Here’s Your Roomba!

My wife and I sat in our respective chairs, enduring a barrage of holiday commercials when Santa suddenly appeared on the TV, gushing over some state-of-the-art vacuum that, according to him, was the perfect Christmas gift. “We need a new vacuum,” my wife said. “Great,” I responded. “I need a few more gift ideas for you.” “You’re not getting me that for Christmas,” she said. “Because…?” “It…

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#comedy emcee #corporate comedian #corporate entertainer #greg schwem #marriage #relationships #Roomba

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