#funny games.

[heartsaw]

tag list.

SELF: chainsawheart.

NARRATIVE: funny games.

AESTHETIC: deep red.

CHARACTER STUDY: tenebrae.

HEADCANONS: the girl who knew too much.

TRAUMA: bay of blood.

+ LETHA: i’m your punisher.

[thesocialbumbler-blog]

Funny Games.

I wonder why God makes a few people very good and extraordinary. I suppose they're just made to walk on the Earth to make it a better place. I was talking her yesterday night, she was the same old lively, cheerful person whom I knew and she tried to make my life better. She wasn't comforting, but instead soothed me, she had that, and I kind of knew that she cared for me. I'm glad God made her, and I'm happy that I met her. We talked for a long time, she said she liked me and always thought of what I said. I suppose there's a misogynistic stage in every man's life. And it doesn't help if that person's favorite movie is about misogynists causing mayhem and if his favorite director is critically well acclaimed for his portrayal of women in his movies (Stanley Kubrick anyone?). I abused, I loathed and I hated women. I regret that now. It's an insult, it's an insult I've hurled at myself all the while. I got over all that, thanks to her. I could feel her yesterday as I talked to her on phone. Her thick eyes gazed deep into my heart, I was talking to two people at the same time, it felt good and I told her. 

                                    She told me that I understood her and she felt sad for me insulting myself. I had no way, I had to shower my ire on someone I hated, and I guess I hate myself more than anyone else. I make simple lives complicated, I make people cry and I hurt people. Fuck me. But she said I wasn't a loser, she said I was someone better, she said I was a hero (not in the typical 16 inch biceps types, but something akin to Ryan Gosling in Drive) and it was her fault. I said it was mine. And we both agreed that it was a vicious act of God. I told her that I'll miss her and that I'll rate everyone else on a scale of her. She is a perfect person and I'm a good narrator, so trust me. We didn't mush, we weren't romantic, we were just two people consoling ourselves. She said she'd come to the cinema with me, something I look forward for, I want to experience the feeling and I believe it will be different. She said that she didn't hug me back because she thought that'd gimme the wrong idea. I agree, she was right. I agree, that I was right when I trusted that she's right. She told something obscure about the kiss too, something good but then she's a kind of a girl who doesn't open up much, and I was happy that she did talk about it. It made me feel better and on the course I guess it made her feel better too. I'm happy that I've someone to care for, a new friend, closer than ever before, I told her, we'd remain friends for a long time to come. She said yes. And that's true. But somehow, I felt better, I knew that she'd stand by me. And that's a relief. I talked to her today morning and she was her useful self, I found purpose, I found that ray of hope in the chilly winter morning. I knew I had to seek the fun out, something I haven't been doing in a long while. I'm reminded of the beauty I've to see and gives me a sense of anticipation. Her free flowing hair and the charm of her eyes, there's something that's trapped and something that's hiding. I feel warm even in the emptiest of the places. I feel as warm as heaven seems to be. 

I leave you with a shattering image from Michael Haneke's Funny Games from a scene where Peter (or is it Paul?) leads Anna in search of her now dead dog and looks back at the camera and winks at us, proclaiming that he is real. Till then there's a strange feeling in the movie and after this scene my blood just boiled up and believe me, it's a whack of a movie. Tata!