#funny storry

[ragingpacifist]

The other day I was out with friends

So the waiter came to order and I said tea and he said hot or cold and I stared him dead in the eyes for some solid 30 seconds and slowly said hot. I was like, why would you wait for it to get cold then bring it to me? Also who tf would drink cold tea? ..It took me solid 2 days to realize that he meant iced tea. Like the kind people drink all the time. 

[adorably-confused]

So last night was my first time doing Drive thru at my work and this masculine presenting person in the back seat handed me their money and said drunkenly “You know, i’m a prince of this state. can i get any freebies?” 

me: freebies?

them: Yeah you know, discounts, anything for free?

me: if youre a prince you can afford to pay for this food

them: but rich people get free stuff all the time!

me: not here they dont

i found this interaction funny so i thought i’d share. 

also another masculine presenting person came up to the front counter and stated matter-of-factly that they were indeed drunk, and wanted a huge thing of fries. it was adorable and they kept on staggering. needless to say we all giggled at them. 

[whateverjoshua-blog]

I have experience in this so I'll just chip in. The first part was the planning. It's not easy, you're both scared but you need money really badly and there's no other alternative in your heard. You know the post office is very badly secured, people don't rob it because they don't think about stuff like that, but you've seen the money there, more than you need, enough to set you up for a long time. There's a guard, but he's not armed, he's old and kind, he won't even suspect you when you get in there. Then you think about masks, you forget to think about the clothes, clothes that might get you recognized because it's not a big city at all and the post office is very close to where you've lived all your life. You just think that the people you associate with have no business near a post office and a mask is enough. There are no ski masks to be bought anywhere and you don't have any money anyway, your head won't fit in a sock so you take two stockings each and fit them over your head. Two pairs to make sure you won't be recognized. You forget that it's Celsius outside(104 Fahrenheit). The getaway plan is simple, take off running through a building then jump a few roofs and you'll be safe to drop your masks and leave quietly, you prepare t-shirts to change. But how to intimidate people? You're not big physically, don't look menacing, voice isn't helping. You think knives are no good because it'll invite people to might to try to wrestle you to the ground or run. You get two guns, at least we have that and they're in great shape, you use them pretty often. So then it happens. You wake up, meet up and prepare, guns hidden in a plastic bag. You get behind the post office, there's trees and no people around, repeat the plan and think again if you're ready, you're not but fuck it. You've ran all the way to here and you're sweating, you're tired, but the adrenaline makes you forget that. You pull the stockings over your head but you realize you don't see shit and you're sweating all over the place. Breathing is very unpleasant. You stay a few minutes longer in the bushes trying to makeholes for eyes and mouth. Now it's better. Game time. You didn't stake out the place in the last few days but no matter. You run through the door, it's 20feet to the counter where they serve the money or pay up, the cash registers are busy, it's incredibly hot, there must be 30 people inside, you didn't expect that, people are paying bills. The guard has his back to you when you enter, you completely miss him and run to the counter where you scream as hard as you can while shakily taking out your guns "Arms in the air, money on the counter now, you're being robbed!". 2-3 seconds of complete silence, the room is so big that your voice echoes. In the room or inside your head, you don't even know. Everyone is frozen in place "is this really happening?". You yell again with the arms shaking. Your knees are giving up. There's sweat in my motherfucking eyes, I can't see properly, I am completely unaware of the people behind me, I'm just looking at the person in front of me who still has the cash register open. And the you feel it. A strong slap over the head, you fall to the ground and someone is picking me up. I don't even know what my partner is doing, I don't even know if he's inside, did he chicken out? Holy shit, am I alone here? What was that loud slap and the pain I feel on the back of my head? Was I hit? And then that old guard picks me up. By the ear. Pulling on my ear until I'm on my toes. "You're in a lot of trouble, what the hell is wrong with you?" _______________________________________________ That's how I got arrested as a 5 year old for playing stick-up in a real post office with my toy gun with a friend. We wanted money for a basketball.

Via user Reddefr on reddit

[shes-a-rebel-shes-a-sa-aint]

One time, I had a container of cookies with me at school, and I had just taken them out of my locker to take to last period and a few of my friends asked for some, so I gave them out. There was this guy whom I had never really met before that was like: "Can I have a cookie?" and I was like: "No." and then he was like: "I'll take you to prom if I can have a cookie." I paused for a second and handed him the entire container. That is how I got a prom date. 

[jesseismsandarticulations]

Jesseism #1

So I was hoping the first Jesseism I posted would be a short little quip of something I said that made no sense. But that didn't happen. So a little back story for this Jesseism to be put in perspective: Years ago, in 2006, I got one of those jobs in one of those Halloween stores... I only worked for three days. I loved that job. Those three days were some of the best of my life, but as fate would have it, I was bound to screw it up. Long story short, there was a fire on the foothills by the city; it did an atmosphere effect of some sort making the sun look red; I was on break and I wanted to see it; I was in the break room that use to be an old kitchen (the building the Halloween store was in was an old restaurant) where there was a ladder up to the roof; I tried to climb to the roof; I was "caught"; I was fired at the end of the day. I was very confused, needless to say, as to what I had done wrong. I had NO idea that I was not allowed to do that. But apparently everyone else does and have been giving me the ol' one two about it all these years. I thought I have moved on from such Faux Pas.... I was wrong. The other day at work I left some cookies in the gallery. I have a key, and I wanted my cookeis. No insidious intentions I assure you. Never! I just wanted to see the red sun! I just wanted my darn cookies! So I was planning on going back late at night, to pick up my delicious treat. Luckily this time I didn't do such a thing because I was preoccupied with distractions. My father the next day expressed his concern and I assured him I didn't go and grab them. It was then he told me that if I would have done I would have been.... "Climbing up the ladder again."

[kiratai09]

Sooo I'm just frolicking through a cave with my Ampharos.....

when all of a sudden this wild Digglett appears. kcool. My whole team in heartgold is lvl 60 at this point, and this little terd is a WHOPPING lvl 15, so i figure im in the clear.

I havent played my gold versrion in a while and im scrolling through ampharos's move set: Thunderpunch, Discharge, Flash (wtf?) and Thunderwave.....I try thunderpunch just for shits and giggles. "AMPHAROS USES THUNDER PUNCH. DOESN'T AFFECT WHILD DIGGLETT...." No matter! ill just switch to my Gyrados and use hydropump if i have too...\

-->menu-->pokemon--->Gyrados---->switch... "AMPHAROS CANT BE SWITCHED OUT" Oh.shit. So it doesnt matter how awesome the rest of my team is, I cant even switch. OK FINE. Ill just pussy out an run. "WILD DIGGLET PREVENTS ESCAPE WITH ARENA TRAP" fuckfuckfuck.....I used discharge without thinking. "DOESN'T AFFECT ENEMY DIGGLETT. WILD DIGGLETT IS NOW PARALYZED." WELL GAWDDAYUM IT. Now I'm absolutely stuck in this battle with a lvl 5, ANNNND paralyzed digglett untill he knocks out my lvl 60 Ampharos. this will never fucking end. My hand went through my brain I just facepalmed so hard.