Day Trading for Glory
Chase & chase the blur Until I find myself in unison with the fade, the fuzz, the warmth The sick, and the white-hot energy that comes with it, both pooling in my stomach As reality becomes as dazzling as I know it should be My mirror doesn’t reflect the cautionary tales so often repeated over the decades Of skinny street rats, bruises, weepy eyes on middle aged men wearing suits Instead it finds new sinew, masculinity rippling and unfamiliar, continuously and finally showing through the cracks for the first time A smile that makes friends Bravado that purchases a round of drinks the exact moment before you realized you were thirsty Wit sharp enough to penetrate the fortress walls of an ice queen Empathy radiating and compassion warm enough to soften even her own battle weary heart Style only found in next season’s magazines, an exclusivity that whisks you away to Hollywood Sex so elegantly obscure, leaving few enough clues that you’ll rush to become a detective to unravel it A laugh that beckons you to join, as though it itself were a beloved family member Until that laughter catches in my throat I sputter until I choke and I choke until I vomit as the comedown comes down hard and ahead of schedule Another new record breaking high BPM heart beat, threatening to burst from my chest The shadows snicker and jeer but not as loudly as the people who yesterday seemed so easily charmed Where’d that confidence run off to, big man? My eyes glued to the ground as the shakes set in The sky turning hues of green and orange and sickly purple as it hurtles downward to that same ground As the universe itself quickly develops walls, closing in like a garbage compacter, promising to crush and implode and allow the Hell that has been waiting patiently on the other side to make its aquaintance Got to get home, shower off the sweat Got to crawl out of my skin, now reptilian, and underneath the sheets Got to gather all of my body together in the bed that only knows cold The only bed I am permitted to call my own And get high again.
