Am I (28F) being unrealistic about my husband's (29M) job and our finances?
My (28F) husband (29M) are recently married but have been together for a few years. Recently finances have been causing a huge strain in our marriage. They have always been a problem (will explain below), but recently it feels like I can't get across to my husband. The background: My husband's dad has a business he started. His dad offered it to him and his brother (35M). His brother wanted to do something else so studied a specialized career in college and started off working in that industry. His brother also has 2 young kids. My husband decided in high school he wanted to take over the business and in college became really serious about it. His college degree is in the business's industry and immediately after graduating he started working for the business. From the beginning it was understood he would take over the business, everyone was on the same page with that and his dad was really excited to hand over the business to him. From the beginning, my husband was paid $60,000 and has been up until recently. About 1.5 years ago he got his first raise, after having worked in the business for 5 years. When he was making $60,000 he was okay with that because he was single, could live off that income, and because it was explained to him that he would work for less pay because one day he would take over the business that nets between $250-600,000 per year, depending on how well it does. The book of business would come free of charge, which was the payoff for being underpaid. He knows he is underpaid, and only once brought it up with his parents. He gets frustrated with me bringing up any financial issues we have because he is being underpaid. Me and my husband met a few years ago and having been living together for a couple years now. When we met I was in grad school and still am in grad school. My industry is well paid and I will be earning anywhere from $100-150,000 in my first year. Since moving in and living together, he provides for almost everything. I was able to work during summers and made about $20,000 which immediately went to our bills or school. However, because of the city we live in and the cost of a wedding, we have been living paycheck to paycheck. Two years ago, my husband's brother decided he hated his job, quit, and decided he wanted to join the family business. Generally, my husband and his brother have an amazing relationship, they were raised to not be competitive with each other, are really good friends, and get along well. Their parents never wanted competition or issue. Given that, now the business is no longer being given to my husband, rather it will be split with him and his brother. His brother is smart but has no training in this industry, will never be able to get full licensure for the industry (because licensing requires a degree in this industry), and is still learning just purely because of the difference in years experience. Initially, I was skeptical about his brother coming in and getting half the business given that my husband has dedicated years to this industry through college and working at the business. However, I have come to understand and accpet (per my husband's urging) that two partners allows the opportunity for more growth and that doesn't change what my husband would be able to earn.
I feel like there's so much missing information here.
If he's being paid 60% of what people in his field make, then how can his parents promise his salary will at least quadruple when he inherits the business? They're underpaying their own son to line their pockets? Sounds like they're scraping by, too. I would not rely on much of a raise when he takes over. If his communication is an example of his family's, no one here is being honest or open.
If he's being so underpaid and your degree has so much potential, why is he providing for everything? Graduate degrees don't take more than a few years. If you want to be getting into position to have a child and be able to continue your career once the kids are old enough, then you need to be finishing up your degree and starting your career and getting experience now. As someone with a graduate degree - it really didn't mean dick shit to me getting experience. It just overqualified me for a lot of jobs and no one wanted to hire me. Don't rely on your degree to mean anything. You need real work experience. That's what most industries are going to care about.
And, of course, the communication is a huge issue. It's clear that you two are nowhere near ready to have a child, just emotionally or maturity-wise. Couples counseling needs to become a priority because it seems like you two are having completely different conversations about the future here.
