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Here it is.

I warned you that I disagree tremendously with most critics in almost everything. So buckle up, baby.

Whoever told you that Donald Glover steals the show is probably just thirsty for his fine ass. He’s OK, serviceable, funny at times. But Lando is underwritten and Donald is strangely subdued, almost mumbly in the role. I think people are mostly impressed by his undeniable talent in other projects and by how much he looks and sounds like Billy Dee Williams.

L3 is absolutely NOT a highlight. What are people smoking? She’s not funny, she’s just loud and annoying. It’s a crime to compare her to K2SO. There’s an OK-ish scene with Qi’ra and a couple of jokes that semi-land, but overall her activism came off as a parody.

The film loses steam by the time Lando and L3 show up instead of the other way around and only picks it back up during the Kessel Run. The sequence at the mining colony is by far my least favorite of the film. Curiously, it’s L3-heavy.

The first act does NOT drag. In fact, the scenes in Corellia were some of my favorites. You could really feel the oppresive fist of the Empire and how rough Han’s life has been. His separation from Qi’ra is absolutely heartbreaking and the first moment of many where Alden really shined.

I’m not a fan of Emilia Clarke as an actress, but she wasn’t a weak link at all. As far as the cast is concerned, there are no weak links. The role absolutely should have gone to a woman of color, but I didn’t see any glimpse of her wooden acting as Daenerys. Qi’ra is a different type of female character in Star Wars and I’m so glad she had agency and didn’t get fridged. Emilia and Alden DO have chemistry and Han’s devotion to Qi’ra is very touching.

As expected, some of the stuff I’ve been reading about her are inaccurate. She absolutely does not feel “dirty” or “unworthy” of Han because she’s a “rape victim”. You can infer a sexual relationship between her and Vos and she does say to Han that he won’t look at her the same way if she tells him all she’s done during their separation, but uh... Crimson Dawn literally kills people? Destroys families? Like, that’s a thing they do. It’s the whole point of Enfys Nest’s character. Couldn’t that be what she’s referring to? She was also not kidnapped by Vos’ gang. Misinformation all around.

Chewie doesn’t shine as much as I expected, but the chemistry with Han is perfect. The scene where they meet is one for the history books! At first I was disappointed that there was no life debt, but now I prefer it that way. Upon further reflection, the whole concept of a life debt per the old canon comes dangerously close to white savior syndrome. Instead, there’s a genuine comradery here.

Val, Beckett and Rio are a fine little group and added to my enjoyment of the underrated Act 1. The scene by the fire is another one of my favorites. You could visibly see Val growing fond of Han when she realizes he’s got a big heart. Great acting from Thandie Newton.

There’s a handful of extremely cringe-worthy lines and the final 20 minutes or so tries to cram in way too many twists and several fall flat. The script is the biggest weakness of this project. The Kasdans need an ear prick for several things, including Val’s premature death and for pulling a J.K Rowling and retroactively making Lando pansexual (the droid factor of it all is thankfully very, very subtle, almost not there). But goddamit... they freaking NAILED Han!

Han freaking Solo. My smartass dork with a Wookie-sized heart. This movie was everything I wanted for him and more. The character is so much richer and deeper now. I can’t praise Alden enough. Dude’s got range. I never understood the complaint that we “don’t need” to know Han’s backstory (it’s fiction, pal. We don’t “need” shit). And now, if you’re a fan of the character (which you might not be, that’s fair), that statement is just downright puzzling. His backstory keeps the best parts of Legends (orphaned kid, practically enslaved in Corellia, Imperial defector) while eliminating the cringiest parts (which included - but not limited to - Hutt pregnancies).

Don’t compare this movie to TLJ. The stakes are lower, the tone is different, it’s basically apples and oranges. But I can assure you: unless you’re really nitpicky, this movie won’t ruin anything you hold dear about Star Wars. As a movie, I give it a 7 out of 10. But as a huge fan of Han Solo, as someone who’s always felt a bit alone in my immense love for the character himself (that is, dissociated from Harrison Ford’s charm, charisma and star power), it’s damn near a perfect 10.

Some random thoughts:

- Darth Maul... don’t care, will never care. There’s been talks of a sequel, but I highly doubt it. I think he and Qi’ra will pop up in another spin off, be it Kenobi or Boba Fett. At least they better. Qi’ra’s story is not done and if there’s no follow up to Maul he was just a pointless curveball that confused casual fans.

- The ACTUAL big shot gangster was... Jabba. I almost laughed my ass off.

- Enfys Nest is a pot of gold. Watch LFL be dumb and never use her again.

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