1. “but if you loved me, why’d you leave me?” i left because i had no choice, because you were rotting under my hands, because i would die for you in a heartbeat but i will not be what kills you, because i never should have kissed you, because we drown each other with our words, because- 2. “i loved you” i loved you too. i loved you more than i can say, i loved you like summer and swimming and strawberry smiles and too big hoodies, i loved you like stars until we broke, but then i loved you like the way i love snow and hunger pangs, like i love razor blades, like the way i love the things that kill me, and i swear, i would have stayed but- 3. “i can’t handle this” shh, my love, i know, i’m sorry, my tongue is too sharp when i’m tired, and you are too cold when you’re sad, and this is turning ugly, turning bitter, you bought me cough drops and ice cream when i was sick but you used suicide like a weapon to get what you want, i wrote you love poems but tore you down for fun, felt loving you in my teeth, and i’m sorry it has to be this way but- 4. “we shouldn’t talk anymore” you’re right, of course. i know the thought of me festers in your veins, i know i couldn’t be what you deserved, i know we went toxic, i know, i know, but- 5. “fuck you" well, fuck you too, darling. i was not the only sinner here, not the only bitter tongue, not even the first to throw a punch. it took you a week from the first time i admitted i would kiss you before you said you would kill yourself if i left you, turned loving you into something i had to do because i couldn’t let you die, planted the seed of rot, don’t act like you forgot, let’s not pretend you were only the victim, let’s not pretend i don’t have reasons to say- 6. "goodbye” good luck, i’ll miss you.
a short list of things he said (and i should’ve) - (g.c.r.)