bad day for my vertigo to come back

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bad day for my vertigo to come back
No matter how much you want to be king, you'll always be a pawn struggling under the orders of others
lowkey feeling like im at a low point again and currently contemplating on doing it again to deal with this despite being 4 days clean. Idk y i feel like this i just feel super alone and overwhelming myself with overthinking.
lol maybe
oo buddy the feelings are back stronger than ever
i feel sick i hate myself and my cvts hurt rlly bad. Theyrr not deep or anything but its painful.
relapsed again and its stressing me out. my mood been swinging all day from bursts of energy to sadness and after thinking about earlier and my mom i started cVtting again and idk what to feel. i wanna do more and i tried it on my arms this time but i dont have the energy to continue. i also dont want it ppl to see especially in this house since i dont get privacy. aughhh…
my favorite kind /s of mental pain is the kind where you're in so much anguish that you can't even make vent art to relieve some of the pain. fun times.